iwontsugarcoat ⋅ 36 ⋅
34-year-old rainbow hot mess of emotions and feelings
"It's so hard to explain with your heart in a cage. Only whisper but you wanna shout. Cause the second you wake, too much pressure to take. Every part of you wants to cry out"
Entries 72
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Candlelight Non-Delightful “date” in Journey Back to ME
Okay, so I’ve finally found the time to sit down and update about my date to the Candlelight Concert. I showed up to his house looking absolutely stunning if I might say so myself. I of course ha...
Speed Dating Match (or lack there of) in Journey Back to ME
It’s been a few weeks now since I decided to attend a local Speed Dating event. I had never done anything like this before. I purchased the ticket as soon as I secured a babysitter for my kids. ...
Another One Bites The Dust (New Bus Driver Edition) in Journey Back to ME
Do you guys remember the last bus driver guy that I had a crush on that ghosted me after he asked me why I hadn’t asked whether or not he had a girlfriend or “complicated situation”? Well, he got...
You have to be okay not having the last word in Journey Back to ME
Yesterday morning I received a text message from “the narcissist”. It asked if he had missed my sons birthday. I replied that his birthday was in October. Sidenote: this person emotionally abused...
The dating pool has TURDS in it in Journey Back to ME
Last weekend my kids and I went to my moms to celebrate my sons 5th Birthday. We went to Boo at the Zoo where the kids get to trick-or-treat at the zoo in their costumes. We went out for lunch at...
Here's a little advice for you. Find your OWN man in Journey Back to ME
Bus driver guy hasn’t been seen or heard from since. Actually, Thursday and Friday of course he came to the school and dropped off his route, but because I’m back to my regularly scheduled progra...
Another One Bites The Dust in Journey Back to ME
The dating pool is more like swamp water. It took this one ALL OF 5 DAYS to disappear and go GHOST. So over the weekend I really talked myself up. I made a plan to introduce myself to the bus dri...
Things just got a little more interesting for once in Journey Back to ME
TGIF So there’s this guy… Okay so in the mornings I stand at a side door and greet the students as they come in for breakfast before the bell rings. This is also the door that the kids who ride t...
The Good Ol Days in Journey Back to ME
So one of my students was telling me how one of her classmates or her “best friend” was coming over to her house after school. I thought about how I spent every day at my best friends house growi...
Burglary in Journey Back to ME
I get so anxious as “back to school” time rolls around! This time is no different. This time my anxiety is heightened EVEN MORE because of a break-in! The break-in was at my exes house. He had b...
Sexless Summer in Journey Back to ME
Blah blah blah. Use a toy. Okay. I’ve done that. SEVERAL TIMES. What’s annoying is that I never seem to have a lack of prospects. Just a bunch of flakes who can’t seem to put those thoughts into ...
Saying NO feels SO GOOD in Journey Back to ME
Any other recovering people pleasers out there??? So my daughters school is starting a Girl Scout Troop this year. In May when it was announced, I signed her up promptly with excitement, and I al...
Why am I like this? *edit* in Journey Back to ME
PROCRASTINATION at its finest. It’s that time of year when I start getting the reminder that my daughter’s tuition is about to come out of my bank account, and the reminder that I received was fo...
Summertime in Journey Back to ME
Whoa! Where has the time gone?! I have been having THE BEST SUMMER EVER! I know that I haven’t been keeping up with this diary, but I have been writing in a personal journal at home, and it feels...
The Bait and Switch in Journey Back to ME
It is hard for me to process the hurt that someone says I caused them when I know that what they did to me was worse. I haven’t really been keeping up with him. For a while he was sending me mess...
Sleeping with the devil himself in Journey Back to ME
There’s a reason I haven’t written in a while. Shame. Disappointment with myself. Wanting to be able to OWN my sexuality and make my own rules. Not being able to ignore the urge to reach out to m...
If I'm being honest, I'm not being honest in Journey Back to ME
I think the most crucial part of truly accepting and understanding and moving forward from the emotional abuse I endured is being 100% honest. My 100% honest truth in this moment of my typing thi...
I am woman, I am fearless, I am sexy, I'm devine in Journey Back to ME
Today was the day that I faced the devil himself. I woke up this morning about 30 minutes before my alarm was to go off and I went on pinterest and started pinning affirmations: -I am whole and c...
Processing the emotional abuse. in Journey Back to ME
Last week was pretty rough for me. Not because I’m missing him, but because I’m starting to worry about what he thinks about. I mean, in some ways I wish I could be as heartless and disconnected ...
Hurt at first a little bit, but now I'm SO over it in Journey Back to ME
I’m having so many thoughts about reaching out to him. I knew this would be hard because I’ve stopped talking to him before. That time I lasted maybe 10 days before he sent me a picture of him an...
The First Step Is Admitting You Need Help in Journey Back to ME
Breaking free of your narcissistic abuser is hard. Especially when everything in your body makes you yearn for them and their attention and approval. I’ve had two Day 1’s (of no contact) since Su...
Thank you, Next in Journey Back to ME
For all of you out there that have ever experienced the HEARTBREAK, the gaslighting, the constant questioning yourself, the invalidation, and the insecurities that comes with being in a relations...
Gravity Wants to Bring Me Down in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS
Okay, so the conclusion to this whole thing where I’ve been going back and forth with this guy in order to SHOW and PROVE my feelings for him (barf) has officially concluded. This morning he Face...
Friday night I got an invite to his Easter gathering at his house. When he cooks, he goes ALL out. He told me about ALL of the people that would be coming. It’s very thoughtful of him to include ...
My truth: I am trying so hard to understand my attraction to this person. It may have something to do with him selling me a dream when we first started seeing each other at the beginning of the s...
