Entries 48

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I’m up this early because I haven’t done much for the past 30 or so hours other than sleep. Yeah, that’s lame, but that’s what’s happened. I had plans (or so I thought) with two of my long-term ...

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Hi! It’s been a long time since I’ve written here – honestly, I forgot about this thing. I should return to it; I may have to put an alarm in my phone to remind me to do so. What follows is novel...

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It's a nasty little beast, rearing its head hither and yon, dragging you down just when you think you might have it licked for a week. This is not to belittle the struggle alcoholics face, but I ...

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“Eat, sleep, rave, repeat” goes a verse of a dance track I’ve heard a couple times. In my case, I feel like it’s “eat, sleep, work, repeat.” I can’t get myself excited or willing to do anythin...

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Man, I have a habit of messing up anything redeeming going on in my life. Ugh. I need to reverse that trend. Posted for posterity's sake.

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My father died a week ago Sunday. He'd been sick for a couple years, but the timing was a surprise -- my mom found him that morning, unresponsive. The first thing she did was call me; I'm still ...

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Second verse, same as the first. I feel like I'm currently stranded on this endless treadmill of getting disappointed, vowing to make myself a better person, then falling a bit lower, then slowly...

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Unable to come up with anything of substance for this entry, but I do feel like writing. Maybe it's just that spring's in the air, or maybe it's that I'm hearing birds chirping (I guess this woul...

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I can't get myself to do anything. I'm falling behind in side projects. I'm spending too much time in bed. I don't care about my depression, and nothing seems to work, even though I'm taking my m...

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So I've been ranting lately, online and offline, about doing more writing. It used to define who I was. I was a writer. Sure, a newspaper reporter, but I still wrote. I enjoyed many aspects of th...

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I used to think of myself as a writer, as a storyteller. The rush of writing a story on deadline, or of turning around a feature story while under the gun, got me to my happy place. Never made me...

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Our sex life is... nonexistent. We've had sex four times in the past year. I've made this clear a number of times that I'd like more intimacy. And the plea seems to go nowhere. She says she's d...

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I want affection from men. Am I gay? I don't think so. The act of sexual relations with a man does not turn me on. I enjoy sex with the right woman (i.e. one with whom I have some chemistry) qu...

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Anyone who read my previous diary will realize I'm almost never satisfied. I'm anxious. I'm jumpy. I like to move around a lot. I move from job to job. My last place of employ, I worked there 3...

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Every time I return to D.C., I just happen to make it turn into a shitshow of epic proportions. Sometimes I just think I'm trying to act like I'm 25 again, but I don't know if it's that or someth...

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(Post title said in my best Wilford Brimley voice.) I’m likely a diabetic. That’s what my doctor told me the other day after my checkup. It’s a new primary care, so he did the typical assortmen...

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The feeling washed over me this morning when a couple incidents popped up in my head. Writing this entry caused a couple more to come to the fore. I know why I feel shame. In fact, I should. Y...

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I know we have many more important things going on now. I know your mom is sick, and you are afraid of me making a mess. I know I am challenging to deal with. But please don't make me feel like y...

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My doctor changed up my medication a couple weeks ago. I'm feeling a little more energetic and a little less prone to emotional eating binges. I'll still go the McDonald's route, though, and that...

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I have issues with food. And money, too, but for now we'll stick with food. I'm eating more lately. A lot more. I'm doing it to make myself feel better, and I know it. But I can't make myself s...

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I wish I knew what controlled my moods. Today I'm feeling a touch down. I have no clue why. I felt OK earlier and yesterday, but now I'm blah again. I know, #firstworldproblems, etc.

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This day always resonates with me in a weird way. At the time I was working overnights and not in the news business, and I got home around 6-7 a.m. I forget exactly when. I had to drop my car o...

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I have written on Open Diary for many years now, off and on. I've seen a lot of people mention they're hopping over to Prosebox. Figured I'd give this a try myself. Toodles.

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