Entries 159
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Happy Birthday, Love!
When my boys were little, I would lie beside them at night and would pray with them that the Divine watch carefully watch over their soul-mate - that they would grow strong, generous of self, lov...
Head-Hunted
Much has happened in my life, besides grieving. There has been growth; a definite up-tick in confidence; boldness; acceptance of my strength; sensuality; sexuality; a clearing of the mind; a des...
The Maze of her Grief
Her pain is running deep, these days. Thick and messy on the outside, and narrowing to a fine point which finds it’s target at the center of her very soul. The brick wall she’d put up was plain t...
FREE-FALLING
Me: The most difficult thing in my life right now? The loneliness. Counselor: MJ, it has only been 5 months. I remember how it was at that point in my life, too. But I have successfully chosen t...
Letter of Love
I can’t do it. I’ve had my fingers hovering over the keyboard throughout the day, searching for the words to express my love to my husband. What a word, ‘love’. If you pay heed to society’s insis...
Letter of Love
I can’t do it. I’ve had my fingers hovering over the keyboard throughout the day, searching for the words to express my love to my husband. What a word, ‘love’. If you pay heed to society’s insis...
the refining fire
The undercurrent of sadness began to pick up momentum recently now that all of the physical stuff such as selling and relocating has been completed. Little did I realize, I was dealing with the g...
Several entries at once
From my private journal: September 15th (the day before one of our anniversaries): For all my strength, and for all my pragmatism, there are moments like right this second, where the waves of sad...
For all my words - I am still at a loss!
Last night - a man I’ve known for several months now, did something that might well have changed me forever. Barely a whisper, breathless, he told me that I was exquisite, a magnificent, graceful...
Be Careful What You Ask...Who You Ask
For a writer, there is no such thing as a yes or no answer to: You okay? -Woke around 8, and just lazed in bed until nine. Beautiful morning. Threw open all the windows and invited in this awesom...
The Barefoot Widow *edit
My grief counselor isn’t sure what to make of me. Although she is encouraging and happy for me, I suspect she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop which, in turn, has me waiting for the same. The...
Addiction....Mine
I’ve talked about it here, before, and I’m afraid I’m back at it, again. Experiencing a need for the intimacy of casual touch....,and maybe even not so casual. I am reminded of the days follo...
clarification
The whole point of my last entry was that since I wasn’t happy with how things were rolling down the pike, I made a change. I didn’t change my job......I changed me and my outlook. I began to r...
New Job Description in my Future?
A couple of weeks ago, the account manager fired my son (who works for the same company I work for). Before long, rumor had it that she was concerned that I would be upset. Once off work that Tu...
Like a River
It was ugly! Tuesday, I left my security job and headed towards my director’s job – feeling anxious. We are set to close on the house at 9am, Friday morning – not that this is a problem. In fa...
The Finger
...is now bare.
Invisible
The 30 cu. yd. dumpster was delivered on Friday morning in anticipation of a crew of 7, who would arrive Saturday morning to help plow through David's garage, and throw out what amounted to 30+ y...
Results of Citizen Filing for Musconduct
IT has been determined, based on my account, and the account of witnesses, along with Officer Hammontree's response to the department's follow-up, that my grievance was founded. Officer Hammon...
Mr. Bankston...again.
Alright! Turns out, I'm imperfect. I am. I am quick to judge. So, Sunday afternoon, I received a phone call from my friend, asking if I would go out with him that evening. I was in the midd...
Photo Spill and Crazy Police Department Story
This is me back in January: And this is me from last weekend: I was pretty much of a coward, refusing to have my picture taken from the neck down - but there IS a 35 lb difference between t...
My Music
AC/DC, Jethro Tull, Chicago, Queen - I do love the classics....but I have terribly missed my classical music. Vivaldi-Four Seasons arrived today, along with Miles Davis, John Coltrane, and some...
Tough days....and a little 'lot' drunkish
I'm just over the line of tipsy - so this may ramble, some. Pardonnez-moi, s'il vous plait! The past several days have sucked donkey hooves. I could blame Mr. B for part of this, but the truth ...
Graceless and Ugly.....
An ambulance zips by my building, lights flashing, no siren. No tone goes out over the radio for medical emergency, but clearly, that's what we're looking at. My blood runs cold. Management is...
Made His Teeth Sweat!
Feeling solid on my two feet, back to a more pragmatic MJ, I was positively serene ALL day. The order of the day, in my mind, was balance. I ignored the '16:00-he's-on-campus' moment. I was proud...
Feet on the Ground
....and refusing to run! In reviewing my 'me' over the past week, I realize that I don't recognize the crazy person i see. Like a teenager, flattery and gentle words from a sweet man spun me o...
Book Description
That’s French for DAILY. That’s what this book is - MJ’s Daily! The thises and thats of my life - same stuff that I would post on Open Diary before it became a source of frustration.
Bitter? NO! I’M NOT BITTER! ;)
