Entries 261
Page 9 of 11
Positive Steps - 26.11.13
I'm trying to take small steps to try and combat the things in my life that are sucky. Today I took one box over for storage at my job. Tomorrow I will take another. I need some space in this ...
Irritable - 25.11.13
I'm so sad that I missed Ernie's first encounter with snow. I don't know how I feel today. I am extremely short tempered. I am far from happy, but I am not in a depressed black hole. I feel ....
Quash - 24.11.13
So M bought a car yesterday. It looks a bit scuffed, but the inside is clean and it runs well. I am trying hard to quash my hopes, but I can't help feeling a little bit excited that the wheels ...
Crash - 20.11.13
Just hit the ground with a big thump. Feeling very disappointed with M again. No event has sparked it, but that's the entire point. I'm just tired of waiting, of feeling like I hitched myself ...
Damp - 18.11.13
It has been pouring rain for 2 days and everything feels damp. I have had to run errands and ended up soaking wet. It's not cold, though. I called off work today and am feeling very naughty. ...
Boring - 17.11.13
Mother's birthday party was last night (and was lovely). Very tired today, and I just woke up from a 3.5 hour nap. I'd like to sleep longer but I am afraid I won't get to sleep tonight. It's a...
Purge - 15.11.13
I don't really feel like writing about day to day stuff, but I need to purge so that I can hopefully sleep. Woke up feeling strange, began worrying that a migraine was approaching. Took some as...
Up and Down - 11.11.13
I honestly can't guess what mood I will be in from one minute to the next. I spent quite a bit of last night crying my eyes out and just hating my own guts so badly. Resolving to be a better pe...
Onwards - 10.11.13
Finally heard from M today - first I'd heard from him since 17 October. It's upsetting that so much time passed but it also shows how I've thrown myself into my job, I feel like I hardly noticed...
Interruption - 23.11.13
I am behind on my entries at the moment and need to type up the entries I have written in my paper diary, BUT I need to share this: M bought a car today. Might seem like a small thing, but it i...
Alive - 17.11.13
I'm still alive, which most of you know because we're facebook friends. If we're not facebook friends, and you'd like to be, leave me a private note. I'm alright. Somewhere in between a depress...
Why - 05.11.13
I became his friend online because he had a weird sense of humour. He was a shoulder to cry on and a companion. He let me have a small glimpse into his ultra-private life and we started to real...
Angry - 03.11.13
I hate feeling angry all the time. I'm like a wounded bear. I make more and more bad decisions and I just feel like I'm suffocating. I am bitter and cranky. I don't want to waste my life lik...
Unknown - 02.11.13
My boss offered me more money to stay working with him for 12 months. Nowhere near enough money to make it worthwhile, but I have countered with a higher amount and a 6 month term. I am giving ...
How? 30.10.13
I'm not really sure how long I can keep getting up every day and getting on with things. It is hard. I do feel heartbroken. But what else can I do? I have responsibilities to meet. Is this ...
Drip - 29.10.13
My period started today. Joy of joys! What a drag. I have coasted through the last 2 days on the pennies left in my wallet. I am looking forward to getting paid tomorrow and getting somethin...
How Long? 28.10.13
Today a colleague asked me how long I would wait on M before divorcing him. I don't know the answer to that. Past habits indicate that I would wait too long. But it's not at all what I want an...
Fukt - 26.10.13
There have been a lot of cars stolen from my suburb lately. Last night they tried to steal my neighbour's car, and while they were trying to make a hasty getaway they crashed into my car. Fucki...
Bad
A lot of things are bad right now and the one person I need support from doesn't give a rat's ass.
Still - 20.10.13
Haven't had a response from M to my email. Not sure if I will - he pretty much said what he felt, but then he has a temper and may not be able to help himself from responding to my email. I fe...
Fighting - 17.10.13
So now we're fighting via email, which is the dumbest thing ever. I am currently waiting for him to respond to a couple of questions but I am not holding my breath. My biggest beef is that, as ...
Hard - 15.10.13
The new me told my boss that she feels weird asking me questions because she feels like a burden. I admit that I can be short with her, but that's because as long as I am there, she exercises ze...
Monday - 14.10.13
I'm so dissatisfied. I want more than this limbo life. Sat my last exam for the trimester today. I need to contact my university about the next session - whether I need to start and finish in ...
Saturday - 12.10.13
I feel a little less cranky at M today. I just can't waste the energy. And I don't want to be cranky with him. What's the purpose? We just need to get through this. I'm so tired this week. ...
09.10.13
Plenty of mini-meltdowns today. Mostly because I'm still coming off cigarettes. Had an exam this afternoon. Felt like I did okay in part 1, did pretty well in part 2. Got home early because ...
Book Description
This story is about my life with M.
M and I met on another online diary site in around 2006. He was in New York, USA and I was in New South Wales, Australia. We formed a friendship and spoke nearly every day, whether online or on the phone.
Towards the end of 2008, we realised that we had become more than just friends, and we made plans for me to travel to the US in 2009. So I did.
We spent 6 months in New York, before moving to New Mexico. We got married in New Mexico and I had to return to Australia shortly after.
M followed me to Australia over 4 months later, in mid-2010.
M has now returned to the US, and I will be following him in October 2013. We are going back to New Mexico, where we have a friend to live with at first and a storage unit full of our stuff. We plan to head back to New York to settle within a few years.
