Entries 146
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to the tune of COLD TURKEY
tried to eat vegan tried it for fun told to try fake meat soy beans on bun my stomach is churning colon is clenched like I ate a brick wall like I ...
to the tune of TMBG's "Damn Good Times"
my bard isn’t a natural lancer but my paladin is a natural lancer he don’t believe in any in-betweens he’s got a stick up his ass but he’s great with a lance my paladin ...
to the tune of a hard day's night
it’s been a chard day’s night and I’ve been eating too much kale it’s been a chard day’s night and my stomach’s about to fail I guess that it’s healthy food but it’s like chewing on wood...
to the tune of "no rain"
all I can say is that my life was pretty plain til I got bit and felt the hunger pangs now all I can do is just blindly lurch at you and speak my point of view by groaning “br...
tune of karma chameleon
dessert going to my thighs all the way I should really give it up doctors say I want something after din-din something sweet for not much dough no that’s not a contradiction not if you kn...
tune of Wild Wild Life
I’m looking for a decent replacement for baked potatoes maybe something more fancy maybe something toothsome here in this Price Chopper woahoho I got some...
tune of JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG
John Travolta was a sweathog “Welcome Back Kotter” I dug but now he comes off like some kind of weird robot that’s what joining a cult does religion is one hell of a drug, sing it ...
tune of mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys
cowboys aren’t quite sane and get crazier when they’re old spend all their money on MREs and buried gold Ron Paul belt buckles and giant tin hats facebook memes that bash the gay ...
to the tune of NO REST FOR THE WICKED
I was walkin’ down the street when out the corner of my eye I saw a woman in a robe approaching me she said “Just try to do no harm and then do as thou wilt that’s what the fu...
to the tune of MY MY HEY HEY
my my hey hey guacamole into my face it’s full of the good fats that’s what they say my my hey hey take out the pit and cut it in cubes you make it fresh,...
to the tune of livin' on a prayer
Tommy reads the news on his phone… some union’s on strike they’re down on his luck… “it’s tough” he thinks… “so tough” Gina works her memes all day… working instagram socially engage...
to the tune of wonderwall
today is gonna be the day that they put me into surgery by now you should’ve somehow realized that I must be cleaned I don’t believe that anybody preps the way you do for surgery now ...
tune of danke schoen
(for the anniversary of my favourite cafe…) Tramontane, darling, Tramontane thank you for bagels filled with grains music shows, seven feet from me where the drums kept beat vintage seat, brown...
to the tune of BETTER MAN
hipster Christmas sweaters, the trend is dead, it can’t get deader tell him, take no more, we practice intervention when he opens the door, eyes roll over while he sleeps, we’ll burn ...
to the tune of Purple Haze
cornfield maze all in my brain the way out is not the same things looking funny and I know why excuse me while I get real high cornfield maze green and brown only thing to do in this town ...
to the tune of Danke Schoen
dorky chain… wallet… dorky chain drive-wallet of Limp Bizkit fame or Nickelback, maybe the ones to blame super tame, ultra-lame, dorky chain dorky chain… wallet… dorky chai...
to the tune of MOTHER AND CHILD REUNION
no I would not give you false hope on this soup and sandwich day but the mayo and bread reunion is just an emulsion away, oh little foodstuff of mine I can’t for the life of me ...
to the tune of LEARNIN' TO FLY
well it started out when Reagan won it trickled down now it’s just no fun in a couple years, killed the middle class now the rules have changed and it kicked our ass w...
to the tune of Steely Dan's PEG
hey, that guy’s sister I hear she’s into weird shit oh yeah, she’s really cute she’ll make you try things new she’ll take as good as she gives it so just pretend you love it peg, she’...
to the tune of THE WIND CRIES MARY
after Curly’s finished with his boxing and the pies have all been thrown you can see rich folks, their monocles retrieved the Stooges are all alone and then Moe whispers… Larry t...
to the tune of RAWHIDE
holdin’ holdin’ holdin’ holdin’ holdin’ holdin’ holdin’ holdin’ holdin’ though those girls are swollen keep them bosoms holdin’… bra hide hide that brassiere whether ...
to the tune of LUMP
Trump is a media invention emotionless excepting his need for attention why won’t he just buy the Bahamas or purchase all Brazil and get eaten by piranhas? he’s Trump, he’s Trump, a big o...
to the tune of YESTERDAY
Jesterday floppy things next to my cheekbones lay hope this time the king decides to pay because I’m broke by Jesterday suddenly there’s a knight that’s looking pissed at me I should have m...
tune of MIDNIGHT AT THE OASIS
midnight at the Broasis pledge paddle by your bed keg stands filling our faces traces of roofies in cups red Greek letters as a blank check to go fuck shit up let’s spen...
tune of BOYS OF SUMMER
nobody in the inn, nobody at the feast I can’t cast any more spells, can’t summon any beasts no DM or NPCs, in the basement alone used to meet at my house, now I’m just feeling pwned ...
Book Description
I’m also a frustrated musician
with no instrumental talent and
about an octave and a half of vocal range
still sometimes I soldier on
and write comedy parodies of popular songs
and sing them a capella at open mic nights
this will be a collection of first drafts
of those projects
