Entries 3,237
Page 8 of 130
dc4
You’ll know you’ve had the correct amount of coffee when “Powerhouse” and “Holiday for Strings” are mashing up in your head perfectly. This parody of Bush’s “Everything Zen” about Zed from...
dc 2
. In my pocket, I found a wadded up note, in my own barely comprehensible scrawl that simply said “Meme Wars of A Geisha”. I have no idea where I was going with it but, when you’re me, every few ...
prompt: story, title: the daily grind
You may be wondering why someone who has been alive for over seven-hundred years would be working in a cellphone customer service center, employ only slightly worse than mucking out the port-a-po...
nv30
Why call it “the Hershey highway” when you can call it “the bottom line”? It’s actually kind of inspiring how all those brain eating amoebas got together to invent and market the netti pot. ...
nv28
You remember when you walked out of a screening of THE PHANTOM MENACE & realized the auteur is a lie, singular genius is a lie, art comes from a combination of adversity, compromise & d...
nv26
There’s probably, right now, a dude in England who sleeps around a lot nicknamed Randy Travis who doesn’t even know that there was a mediocre country singer in America who came by the name hone...
nv24
Of course that conman on the History Channel thinks everything is aliens. He’s clearly one of the bird people from Babylon 5. A dating site where women can meet the emotionally-unavailable r...
nv22
“Aim for the moon, even if you fail, you’ll still hit the stars” feels like victim blaming. We should be able to aim for, like, just a little bit down the street and be okay. This culture of Ac...
nv20
Whenever someone shares a photo of one of their ancestors looking fine from the distant past, always reply “building a time machine so I can be your great / grand / mother / father”. It’s alway...
nv18
You shouldn’t feel guilty about the step-backs you need to make socially, to protect yourself, to maintain your energy. You can’t help everyone. If you wear down completely or you wreck your ow...
prompt: yarn, title: here's the proof
It shouldn’t be a beer, he thought, certainly not macro-brew swill from a third-rate Scottish label. It should’ve been a vodka martini, procured from only highest-shelf stocks, mixed to his pecu...
nv 16
In Soviet telephone company, party-line uses YOU. “The only preparation my generation had for 9/11 was Star Wars The Phantom Menace,” she asserted, “not in magnitude, but in a general sense o...
nv 14
A high-risk sort of stunt artist. An Easel Knievel, if you will. I fear most people would rather be rich & famous for rubbish than largely unheralded but doing good work. I fear it’s the ...
nv 12
A Beastie Boys parody about space garbagemen called “Intergalactic Sanitary”. LESS VIRTUAL REALITY, MORE VICTUAL REALITY. I like to imagine what New Bay Seasoning tasted like, when they bri...
nv 10
A detective novel about a crime-solving bartender called “First-Degree Muddler”. 2 Olive 2 Gardenous: When You’re Here, You’re Family A sitcom about the collapsing housing market called REA...
nv8
I’m not much of a hockey person, really, but every time I see a warm weather city team advance in the NHL playoffs, my heart knows this is wrong and should not happen. The idea of “a good hur...
nv6
Perfect is boring. The little imperfections let the glory of the art or the person shine. Perfect things aren’t meant for here, may your works and your loves be bodhisattvas with just enough be...
nv4
If your go-to seduction technique is making her laugh, that’s just funnilingus. Why did they roll with the neologism “bussy” when it was so obvious to run with the word “broaca”? There’s a ...
nov2
Today I realized that Jimmy Fallon would be a perfect partner for Batman in defeating the Joker, as what with the always laughing at nothing to begin with, he would be immune to the Joker Gas. ...
bonus barrage
If you’re gluten intolerant, it’s likely you’re also fettuccine afraido. In Seinfeld, they so easily have called “the airing of grievances” in Festivus “the bitching hour” instead. Pretendi...
oct 28
Write a book called “How To Hunt Porch Pirates” so that people can order it from Amazon, leave it on their porches for the thieves so that when they open the stolen mail, they get the fear of G...
oct 26
Why call it “drunken master fighting” when you can call it “brew-jitsu”? Gingivitis is actually an STD from going down on too many redheads. No, the WEIRDEST distant sequel to a Madonna fil...
oct 24
Panera should totally take the name “Bread Broth and Beyond” now, before some venture capital company takes over Bed Bath and Beyond’s zombie IP to sue people for doing stuff like that. The m...
oct 22
Why say “occasional diarrhea” when you can say “shittermittent”? Whenever a website begs me to remove my adblocker, it’s like a really sleazy dude begging to not wear a condom. Like, I know ...
oct 20
I don’t know what the film / book mash up “My Own Private Ivanhoe” would look like, I just know someone should do it. Ever since he got his own clone as a sex slave, he’s been so full of hims...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
