Entries 3,238
Page 18 of 130
july 21
The Navii from Avatar are just really really horny Gungans. I’ll be taking no further questions. Conan the Barbarian rapping “Don’t call it a Crom-back, I’m no good at prayers”. Your wild m...
july 19
If you misremember the Simpsons and think Kearney said “Nuke The Whales”, is that a Nelson Mandela effect? You can say “well, I’ll just move to Canada” all you like but if all the sane people...
july 17
In the next season of Futurama, because of the lag between animation writing and animation output, will we get a by-then outdated Morbo The News Monster “It’s Morbo Time” joke? Anyone who doe...
july 15
Why call them “bridesmaids” when you can say “insane gown posse”? A Smashing Pumpkins candy tie-in called Reese’s Pieces Iscariot. I just think Eminem should sell a knife called “Mom’s Mac...
july 13
The whole continuity of the Mario Brothers makes a lot more sense if all the Donkey Kong games are Wario posing as Mario to frame him for being a jerk to monkeys. Only years and years later d...
july 11
You pull upside the Duke Brothers in their “General Lee”. You are driving a muscle car done up in Union colours. You tell them your car is called “The General Sherman”. They laugh and ask why. ...
july 9
We live in a culture that thinks the worst disease imaginable is a case of the Not-Famous and we wander through life with this imaginary leprosy, trying to mob the famous through our parasocial...
july 7
If you think about it, old school 3-D movies had to be developed from a double negative. A picture of the actors for C3P0 and some of the Stormtroopers, half out of costume, on a smoke break ...
july 5
Whenever baseball announcers call a leg strain a “tight hammy” I imagine Miss Piggy demanding Kermit talk during to her during sex, despite his mild and positive nature, and him only being able...
july 3
A story about a warlock making a deal with an aquatic eldritch horror called PACT TO THE GILLS. “For you, Nermal,” Garfield said, Nermal’s knife holding unsteadily at Garfield’s throat, “the ...
july 1
The world’s greatest mash-up would somehow stitch together that LCD Soundsystem “New York I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down” / Miles Davis solo mash-up WITH the Bacon Pancakes / Empire Sta...
june 29
An NES video game based on the early ’60s sitcom “I’m Dickens, He’s Fenster” called “FENSTER’S QUEST”. (Bonus points, it would also be based on a John Astin starring television show!) Spider-...
june 27
You know what’s interesting? Truncating fast food slogans. Burger King: HAVE IT. Subway: EAT. McDonalds: FOOD. Taco Bell: YO. Accountants are offended when you call them your “tally ho”. Even...
june 25
The only difference between Trump and Musk is the generation. In the 80s, the dullard fail-son of a rich guy craving attention would get into real estate scams. In the 2010s, the same guy gets ...
june 23
We’re thinking about this whole “Morbius 2: It’s Morbin Time” thing all wrong. What if it’s a movie about a fictionalized version of the making of Morbius, where Jared Leto is actually a vampir...
june 21
DICK TRACY IN THE MULTIVERSE OF MANLIS. Live-tweeting The Tonys seems like a particular kind of hell even I wouldn’t subject myself to… and I’m the guy who should be paid 400 grand a year to ...
june 19
A head-canon where the meme character “Jeff The Killer” turns out to have been Geoffrey The Giraffe from Toys ‘R’ Us all along and that’s why they had to close the chain, to shield them from fu...
june 17
An agnostic God who has trouble believing in Himself. A Dungeons & Dragons character concept: a tabaxi that took the Chef feat named Taybaxi after the acclaimed character actor Vic Taybac...
june 15
The wonderful thing about writing in flash is the way it forces you to write the exact opposite of Dickens. We aren’t being paid a penny a word so we must describe every curtain and cloud to ea...
june 13
They could’a called DUDE WHERE’S MY CAR or PINEAPPLE EXPRESS or HAROLD AND KUMAR or any of those flicks “BROMANCING THE STONED” but, again, they haven’t put me in charge of naming everything ye...
june 11
The Punisher crossed over with Eminem, the Punisher crossed over with Archie but Marvel still hasn’t given us “Judge Judy & Executioner” and they know it’s wrong, they’re just afraid of the...
june 9
With decades of age, I’ve come to realize that organized fandom is the problem, not being a fan of a thing. It’s like religion. Disorganized faith helps some get through life but once there’s a...
june 7
Are there really people feeling nostalgic for Top Gun? Top Gun. Really. It’s one thing to watch it & say “that was dumb fun, I don’t feel I wasted my time”, sure. But “this is a cultural to...
june 5
To redeem Dr. Octopus, Spidey should’ve just used otto-correct. A gig’s a spear they use to ensnare helpless fish to eat them & that’s why it’s called the “gig economy”. A brand’s a thing...
june 3
Don’t mind me. Just singing Van Halen’s “Panama” as “Enema” at the top of my lungs. As one does. For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only lightcycle, that whoever believes in ...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
