Entries 3,237
Page 10 of 130
august 27
I think about a generation who practiced duck & cover in school in fear of being nuked by another country, now not giving a damn about kids getting shot in those same schools because owning...
aug 25
McNugget dip, straight from the sweet and sour source. (to the tune of GNR’s Double Talkin’ Jive) Bubble poppin’ game, get the money Bubble Popper, cuz I got no more Tetris If you only beli...
aug 23
A horror movie set against the backdrop of the Trojan War that somehow involves the line “the call is coming from INSIDE the horse!” I have never watched “Ted Lasso” and I do not know if “Jas...
august 21
The best I can wish for anyone is that they might meet someone who can tolerate their neurosis with grace and similarly tolerates theirs. That’s the ground from which the seed of real love migh...
august 19
Flamin’ Hot Cheetos as a starting point, not a logical conclusion. Moving forward to Molten Cheetos. Sublimating Directly From Solid To Gas Cheetos. Plasma-State Cheetos. History is full of a...
august 17
My D&D character transcribed mythologies & histories in a monastery archive before turning to adventure. My running gag for him is that a lot of those stories are riffs on our pop cultu...
aug 15
I sure hope they call the porn parody “Everythong Everywhore All At Once”. XFL, as in “ex”, as in “some of these guys used to be football players”. I don’t know if there’d be juice in a sto...
august 13
If I owned the world’s largest skunk as a pet, I would definitely call it “The Stink Panther”. With March 10th being Super Mario Day and May 4th being Star Wars Day, I guess it’s inevitable t...
august 11
The Three Stooges totally should have tried a hair care tie-in called Shempoo. The music mash-up ruining my brain today is ACDC’s “It’s A Long Way To The Top” and the Stones “Jumping Jack Fla...
august 9
A parody of “Lose Yourself” predicated upon replacing “Mom’s spaghetti” with “my machete” and just riffing on horror movies from there. I’m trying to imagine a website so valuable to me that ...
august 7
Ms. Piggy flirtatiously raised the hem of her dress as she moved, not showing a whole lot, mind you, just a little peek at her oinkle. I just saw an ad for a middle-of-the-road pop-country to...
august 5
I’m honestly surprised there wasn’t a porn parody called THE LOIN KING. You will sail the seas of Scandinavia in a boat you call “The Fjord Explorer”. Utica gets a bad rap, making it sound ...
august 3
On his first visit to Earth, Groot was very disappointed to discover what a “leaf blower” actually was. “What did you THINK it was?” Nebula asked him. He shrugged “I am Groot?” “You WOULD think...
august 1
She had been cooking calamari for so long, she was having a squid-life crisis. A sitcom about the Trojan Wars called FULL HORSE. Man, the seats from that new Tron rollercoaster at Disney lo...
july 30
“Wipe out your cities / re-draw your maps / everybody’s doin’ / the Bronze Age Collapse”. Please create a dance pop banger using this line as the focus of the chorus, let’s create the weirdest ...
july 28
It occurs me to how many younger people out there are eating Sour Patch Kids without making the connection that they’re a riff on Cabbage Patch Kids at all. While they may’ve heard of Cabbage P...
july 26
I enjoy the term “athleisure” not because I would look good in those clothes but, rather, because it suggests competitive leisure and makes me feel like I could win a gold medal yet. Cargo sh...
july 24
Why call it “homework” when you could call it “school samples”? In Stockholm, they call french fries “pommes frittes” or “Swede potato fries”. The phrase “I’ve got bees, they’re multiplying...
july 22
Sometimes when I was whisking matcha tea, I would sing to myself “mat-cha mat-cha man, I want to be a mat-cha man”. Pretend to confuse “search engine” and “siege engine” whenever possible. ...
july 20
If it wasn’t the name of a deadly insect borne illness, “malaria” would be a great name for a flower. “Oh, you know it’s June when you see the malarias in bloom.” Anxiety is a culture, a cult...
july 18
A parody of NIN’s “Star----ers Inc.” about Rust Monsters. A movie about Sir Mix-A-Lot crossing paths with a group of Amish testing if they want to live in the modern world and it’s called “Ru...
july 16
In WARHORSE 2: FIGHT TIL YOU’RE HOARSE, the warhorse works in weapons development and invents neighpalm. Almost asleep, our hero jumps out of bed with the realization that Red Green was the C...
july 14
Driving home, I got on my nonsense again and started imagining a languid 1:35 AM blues bar version of the WKRP IN CINCINNATI theme song, like Donald Fagen “Nightfly” / Tom Waits “Small Change” ...
july 12
I like to think that at least one of the roads in BLOWIN’ IN THE WIND was the road they traveled down and back again in the GOLDEN GIRLS theme. The only difference between peanut brittle and ...
july 10
CUDDLELINGUS. There aren’t enough jokes about the workers at the Cheesecake Factory seizing the means of production. I feel like KFC never leaned into the Kernels / Colonels pun with their ...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
