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nov 21
Why say you’re “compulsively drinking vodka gimlets” when you can say you “have lime disease”? Finishing up the illustration of a comic book, that’s just drawing conclusions. A Hallo...
nov 19
That Cookie Monster, what a crumb dumpster. I’m always fascinated by the things we pretend in civilization to try & feign we’re better than we are. There are oven cooking directions ...
nov 17
If a movement’s really about helping people, it has to also have empathy for how the American economic system makes it so very hard to have time/money for activism. If you’re so strident on ...
nov 15
It’s easy to do parodies of classic rock songs if they have an -ipple word in the word, just change that to “nipple” and it writes itself. I can only think of The Band’s “Up on Cripple Creek...
nov 13
Creativity doesn’t comes from mental instability. Co-related but no causation. A package deal but madness is not a muse, it’s just along for the ride. Art shine brightest when the monster in...
nov 11
If you think about it, whenever you had your first Shirley Temple was probably also when you busted your Maraschino cherry. A rapping lich called “Soul Jar Boy”. If you drink too man...
nov 7
Ewan McGregor is cast in a Tarzan bio-pic and meets Tarzan himself as part of his research. “Mr. McGregor, me Tarzan.” “Please. Just Ewan.” “Just Ewan, me Tarzan.” “Just me and you what?”...
nov 5
Pretend that you believe a character in D&D that uses both martial prowess and magical skill a “Gish” out of respect to the versatility of the great silent film star Lillian Gish. A ...
nove 3
An anime about the powered armor battles of Mesopotamia lost to history called GILGAMECHS. Duramax, Cummins, Power Stroke, it turns out all the diesel engines these days have names like ...
nove 1
The Feast of St. Ernest is on the Heyvernal Equinox. In the fancy neighborhoods, they Robert for apples instead. “White magic rituals only” She said, like some kind of Dudley Do-Rit...
oct 30
Zootopia fan fiction contains entirely too much bunnilingus. I like to believe that the bottom ranks of a rugby league are referred to as the “scrum dumpster”. Turns out that they’re...
oct 28
A police procedural about food crimes called “Law and Order: Special Victuals Unit”. Why say “fisting orgy” when you can say “three-hole punch”? When you need a ritual in five minute...
oct 26
I hope that one day the future archeologists think that the Masters of the Universe franchise was actually a religion, because I really want them theorizing about Orkodox priests. An old...
oct 24
I’ve always enjoyed the irony that Cat Stevens’ song “Wild World” might be the least wild song of all time. Shedding your sense of expectation, maybe even entitlement, is difficult enoug...
oct 22
The Green Goblin truck from that terrible Stephen King movie except it’s Shrek and it’s called MAXIMUM OGREDRIVE. Jeff Goldblum as Count Von Count, the dialogue would be 80% just the syl...
oct 20
Why say “pregnant despite chastity belt” when you could say “snatch-key kid”? That feeling of “why do I keep playing this video game when I’m so bad at it, why do I enjoy it anyway?” but...
oct 18
ABANDON METER, BECOME PROSE. Even though I don’t like eating candy corn, The Candy Corn Discourse is so heavy, it makes me WANT to like it. A non-alcoholic strip club called BOTTOMLE...
oct 16
We have put Circuit City and Hooters into the malfunctioning teleporter and they have fused into something called “Breast Buy”. Why say “wet nurse” when you could say “succor mom”? A...
oct 12
She talked about Victorian chimneysweeps so much, people started wondering if she had a soot fetish. Why call your enlarging mist “Pym particles” when you could call it “magnifying gas”?...
oct 10
She learned how to smoke from a nun and she’s been picking up bad habits ever since. Why say “Baba Yaga’s hut at rest” when you can say “house-sitting”? You never think the phrase “B...
oc 8
Don’t beat yourself up that you bought the wrong ice cream, we all have experienced Breyer’s Remorse. A Ghostbusters / Scooby-Doo crossover where part of the magic is that when the Buste...
oc 6
The other way to go with a parody of the Indigo Girls “Closer to Fine”, of course, is to make it about being closer to the Three Stooges’ Larry Fine. APPROXIMATORS! Roooooooound up! ...
oc 4
Ask your writer how often they think about Times New Roman. A combination of proto-goth and early rap called “Whose Haus? Bauhaus”. The best Simpsons / Batman crossover would involve...
oc 2
I fear I have realized that my particular style of classic rock parodies with really obscure references, that its genre is called “classic mock”. Some day we’ll all be dead & no one ...
sept 30
A great schism in guitar design was started by Martin Luthier. I love ads where they call one of the “side-effects” basically just… the pill not working and still having the symptoms. Li...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
