Entries 3,304
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a6
If you replaced every “Forget About It” in the Matchbox 20 song “Smooth” with a bad Mafia stereotype “FUGGEDABOWDIT”, there would finally be one interesting thing about the Matchbox 20 song ...
a4
A Beatles parody about dang ol’ Scantron standardized tests involving the lines “Letter B, Letter B, Letter B, Letter B, At least guess an answer, Letter B”. A new Marvel character with ...
prompt: build, title: the name game
“Jeannie’s Dream Motel” hadn’t always been called that. Who knew how long it’d been there, on a lonely country road through farmlands between Richfield Springs and West Winfield, but she’d no do...
a2
It’s about a fraternity comprised entirely of loser centaurs and it’s called ANIMAL HORSE. When you need tin cans / to be eaten, man / who you gonna call? / Goat Butlers! It’s not th...
mar31
A parody of Mama Mia about pasta making called “Semolina”. King Crimson’s Thela Hun Jinjeet nut about Thelma and Louise. They keep trying to make bread and it keeps turning into drug...
mar29
If you refuse to do good in flawed imperfect systems, you’re not about doing good, you’re about feeling righteous. “Musk” is just one letter away from “Musak”, room-temperature music and...
m27
The California Raisins’ classic rock counterpart, The Allmond Brothers Band. A Star Trek arts and crafts book called “Make It Sew”. So many people declaring 2024 the start of the evi...
m25
A parody of “Take Me Home Country Roads” for Christmas that starts with the lines “there’s a Santa / yes, Virginia”. Your ability to generate bisecting lines is unparalleled. Remembe...
m23
I feel like ATMs would’ve picked up even faster if they had used the marketing phrase “Go BANK Yourself!” I’ve never once in my entire life been improved by negative reinforcement, by de...
m21
He’s Popeye the Sailor Man / He’s doing the best he can / He’d like to see you try / With just only one eye / He’s Popeye the Sailor Man Here’s a cultural mash-up for you to think about:...
m19
You will name your knife YouTube channel “never a dull moment”. Since Dave Thomas was adopted and Wendy has that bright red hair, head canon that Ronald McDonald secretly fathered Dave...
m17
I mean, GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER is about an old man killing his wife and trying to cover it up by feigning senile delusions, right? Driving to get Ollie’s insulin, singing Bon...
m15
It’s the new “Fast Asleep” diet crazy, sweeping Tiktok! You medically induce a coma because you can’t eat while you’re sleeping! It’s just that easy! You’re fasting asleep! Whenever poss...
m13
A pop-punk band called Enragement Ring. Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer” except every “Whoa” is replaced by a “Whoa” by Joey Lawrence’s character in BLOSSOM. A reminder of once being ...
m11
Devo’s “Whip It” being a Doritos ad is both the culmination and refutation of Devo’s legacy, all at once. A gross sell-out and a glorious culmination, simultaneously. We are legion, I suppos...
m9
A cereal with transparent bran flakes and almond clusters called “Post Nut Clarity”. Randy Newman is a failed attempt at cloning Tom Waits. Here we are, puttin’ the “dung” in “Bildun...
m7
Why say “friends with benefits” when you can say “smoochachos”? Taylor Swift makes music for women who think it counts as group sex if you fuck on top of her Squishmallows. You eithe...
m5
A magical tow truck? Sounds like winch-craft to me. Why say “string bean wholesaler” when you can say “pod dealer”? So many commercials for prescription medicines end with someone pa...
m3
Why say “Best Seller” when you can say “Pick Of The Literature”? “Vtuber” doesn’t sound like a word for someone who streams video games with a fake avatar cartoon, “Vtuber” sounds like a...
m1
Why say “docking” when you can say “Johnson & Johnson”? A murder mystery about the death of a rich big game hunter where no one wants to solve the mystery because everyone is glad he...
fb27
“Whole grains kids will love!” Yes, Big Granola, because they’re covered in enough chocolate to kill an Oompa Loompa. Any healthfulness is overwhelmed by the bag of sugar. C’mon now. We’re n...
fb25
We’re all old enough, now, to admit what wicked crushes we had on Calvin’s mom in Calvin and Hobbes. It’s okay. The world’s gotten so weird that it’s damn near normal now. For the amount...
fb23
We’re all just different knots on the same string. We look at our differing shapes and assume that makes us separate and different but… nah. All the same damn string. We have a square ...
fb21
When the malls decoupled from the multiplexes, something was lost. Remember the joy of sneaking a metric-butt-ton of low-grade Taco Bell into the cinema and eating it while watching a movie?...
fb19
Why call benedryl “sleep aid” when you can call it your “catatonic converter”? You capture, train and battle various popes from throughout history. It’s called Popemon. “You used EXCOMMU...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
