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Page 18 of 53

every conspiracy theory started with some desperate person deciding their view of the world must matter more than the facts of the given situation when acknowledging shared real...

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I mean, it ended badly it ended very badly, of course for any relationship to end after enough years for it to be teenage if it were a person it has to have ended very badly like a b...

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descending into Newark airport past refineries and roundabouts past shipping docks and used car lots we dip our wings through turbulence off toward Manhattan Island toward New York City orange...

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a billionaire pays young men from oppressed backgrounds to give each other brain damage on national television the men are not from where you’re from they’re largely disadvantaged rural South...

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eighty-three percent of all problems in history were caused by people thinking they are the baseline human experience their faith, their diet, their orientation how much heat they want to r...

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We get to live, what, ninety years if we’re lucky? We all just got here. We’re all just babies. The only reason we’re not gathering berries and living in trees is the generational transf...

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if everyone is broken then nobody is if nobody’s perfect then everybody is yes, yes you, even in the back there we’re all dinged up, we’re all burning oil, we’re all dragging brakes, ...

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the less stuff you have and the less stuff that you owe the less organized you have to be the less organized you have to be the less stuff you have to worry about the less stuff you have...

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do you ever feel like an unpaired sock floating alone in the abandoned laundromat drier of life? I’m asking for a friend are you afraid that your mate went off wandered away into so...

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I kind of want to dress up as Frankenstein hassle people waiting in Black Friday doorbuster lines yell “CONSUMERISM BAD” “FIRE BAD” “GOOD WINE” remind them that giving up your family and fri...

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the day after the day reincarnation was proven true and they developed the machines that could tell you who you were when you were in the last life and the one before that and again and again ...

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How can the Flintstones have a Christmas special? How can Cocoa Pebbles have a holiday Sugar Cookie flavour? How can Fred and Barney act in a stage version of A Christmas Carol when a Christma...

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the problem with poems that rhyme done once you must then for all-time break out of the set rhyming scheme then all the words sound just obscene the change will drain you of your wit and al...

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don’t talk loudly during the open mic night don’t talk LOUDLY during the open mic night you can whisper if you want to you can chatter sotto voce we understand if you’re trying to get laid we un...

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three airplanes were taken down by a small army with box cutters fifteen years later they still won’t let us fly with toenail clippers on our person but get shot to death in a school ...

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the Chuck E Cheese nowadays looks like an iPad through up all over the inside of it all flashing flat screen teevees and ticket-dispensing machines and I mean, times change, I get it pinball ...

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theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime and remembering that Donald Trump had a cameo in Home Alone 2 Doctor Macaulay Culkin stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator ...

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As a kid, you eat candy on Halloween and then probably get cavities down the road. As an adult, I got a cavity drilled on Halloween and don’t get to eat any candy at all because I have to be l...

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every time a tomorrow morning comes something new might have happened upending the terrible things that are tearing you down every day it might be something completely outside of your c...

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mournful train horn wails on through the valley undercut by screeches of its metal kissing metal joyous whistles as it wears itself away the wheels wear away the track wears away by mile...

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name your rock band “Thoughts And Prayers” so that whenever there’s a national tragedy that the Republicans feel they have to pretend to care about but certainly don’t want to do anything ...

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Are you sure that you need Viagra? Are you sure? Have you tried just turning yourself off then turning yourself on again? Have you tried just pulling the plug out waiting ten seconds a...

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people make curses out of pooping people make curses out of peeing people make curses out of the simple act of sex but those things are happening all the time those things have always been ha...

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in twenty years my e-mail accounts will still be receiving junk mail from stores where I bought presents for ex-girlfriends when I am long long dead my e-mail will still be receiving junk mai...

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you will be outside of the gymnasium you will be trying to recruit passersby you will be selling memberships for the gym one day I will pass you buy on the street and when you ask me if I wa...

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