Entries 410

Page 16 of 17

Firstly, Pam had the scans done. They didn’t do the damn chest. Pisses me off when I know more than the doctors do. I should get paid for shit like that. Anyhoo, they didn’t see anything on the ...

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I should have come here yesterday… or was it Saturday. Regardless I really should have come here. I had the words to describe everything going on. They were right there, and I ignored them. I alw...

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I’m in a “meh” kind of mood. The kind of mood where you really don’t know what your feeling… that kind of numb feeling you get. Doesn’t seem like there are many people on social media today. Yes...

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I’m tempted to dye the rest of my hair tomorrow. I’d do it tonight but I’m just not in the mood. I might take a pill to change that. I have a pill for everything, but a lot of them are going to ...

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P had surgery today. Hysterectomy with oopherectomy… meaning they took her ovaries too. No major complications, they just had a hard time getting to her uterus. She’s going to be sore for a whil...

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Seeing that I lost my medical insurance, and who the hell knows when I’ll find a job to pay for my meds (some that cost over 800 a month) I cried as I set up a gofundme to see if I can get some m...

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I’ve been in this flare since May. Some days aren’t bad. Yeah, I hurt, I struggle, but I make it through. Today it is just so bad. I don’t want to live like this. I’ve over medicated myself agai...

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I’m avoiding people. I’m so wrapped up in my brain it hurts. One of my best friends is dying of cancer. She’s 40. She wants to live so bad, but the prognosis isn’t good. She has children she is ...

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Full blown ifIwalkanyfasterI’dberunning mania today. I know it’s the weather causing it. It is beautiful and fall-like today. I expect that this fall will be an interesting trip with the bipolar...

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I saw the damn ortho doctor yesterday. When I told him that I became suicidal due to the pain and ended up on a 72 hour hold, he didn’t bat an eye. He just asked me if I was on Meloxicam. I said...

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This past Monday, I was released from the psych ward after a 72 hour hold. The back pain has driven me to the point of seriously contemplating suicide. I didn’t have a plan for it until today. To...

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I am so fucking exhausted. I have been for a while. I was blaming it on the back pain, because pain is just tiring. Blamed it on the fibro, because that causes fatigue. But then I started droppin...

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Yet another doctors appointment, with the same answer that the other three have given me. But, this one is ordering another MRI of my spine, seeing that the last one was back in January before th...

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More random stuff. I’m not feeling too much better since the last entry. Body is breaking down at an alarming rate. I’m now losing an average of a pound a day. I’m not eating, I just don’t feel l...

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Some random thoughts… I’ve been counting pills in my mind. Last night, while trying to ease my back by taking a warmish-cool bath with Epsom salts, I thought “yes, this is the right temperature t...

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For those of you that don’t know, I fucked up my back at work in May. Total bullshit, and it shouldn’t have happened. I’ve been jumping from doctor to doctor, on workers comp, that just stopped p...

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I had some wicked dreams last night. Those strange buildings that I always dream of… always getting lost in them. Deer being stuck in cars, running around a parking garages. Flooding, being late ...

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I’ve created a private “book” to document everything that is going on with the workers comp. Of course I have it on my computer, and I’m making sure to keep a log on my FibroMapp too. I’m really ...

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So, I fucked up my back big time at work this weekend. I won’t go into details (HIPAA) but lets just say I did a number on myself. Now, I could have written at least a dozen reports of being hurt...

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Don’t say “fuck you” to me, ever. It will open the gates of hell that sit inside me and I am not afraid to unleash on you. It hits a raw nerve, and I will jump for your throat, teeth bared. Let’s...

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I traded one problem for another. I won’t go into details, because it’s seriously TMI. So now I can’t tell if my muscle twitches and spasms are stress/anxiety related, or if it is because my pot...

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I’ve been dealing with back pain, on top of the fibro pain. So I went to the doctor twice. First time, they diagnosed me with just sciatica. I could have diagnosed myself with that. Anyhoo, new...

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Dear “L” and “R” You self-righteous chauvinistic pigs! How DARE you call P a spoiled little bitch! P has put her entire life on hold to make sure that your mom is taken care of properly. She a...

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Hello people that live inside my computer! My friend, Paddie was out for a walk with her little dog Lucy last night when two big dogs attacked them. While Paddie escaped with minor injuries, her...

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Storms are moving in. The wind is making me anxious, and the change in the barometric pressure is fucking with my fibro. Plainly put, I feel like shit. I need to get over my anxiety about goin...

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