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The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

by nothispenelope

Entries 186

Page 1 of 8

July 28, 2014

march 30, 2010

'Currentlly: knackered, drained Current Time: 1:35 a.m. Currently Spinning: Adele, 21   omygod. things have been so. insane lately. On Wed. just as I was going to the store early that afternoon J...


July 28, 2014

april 3, 2012

'today's not going much better [and]. not that yesterday was [all that] great [either]. So, it snowed. overnight, apparently. i crashed between 7 and 8 last night and was mostly asleep when James...


July 28, 2014

april 3, 2012

'and now for Part 4. the last part. Part 4. cooking.   So as we all know I don't cook. I mean I can I just. don't. and ya know what? i'm really ok w/ that. I don't really want to either. I've sur...


July 28, 2014

april 4, 2012*

'why i'm so opposed to this/people overload/anorexia. So, apparently.This Sat., James, Max, Jasmine [who apparently is Mexican] and I are going to see The Lorax. When James [he was quite drunk at...


July 28, 2014

april 10, 2012

''this morning being yesterday a.m. v. early. *Lou's wife being Sara   'so. i'm confused. i'm in recovery again. This morning when James had pizza he handed some to me and was like 'here. eat'. ...


July 28, 2014

april 10, 2012

'>......exit. relapse. love. grandmother. Warning: Fairly Worrisome No Advice   again. copied from an email and edited: 'So, on the one hand, I want to leave him. bc upon thinking about it.......


July 28, 2014

april 10, 2012

'fuk. i'm worried about us. [ok so slight off note, but.........i'd get blazed, which helps. although it's sunny out and i never get blazed when it's sunny. nor do i drink when it's sunny. or cut...


July 28, 2014

april 10, 2012

'so earlier today [currently 6:40 p.m.] he phones. we talk. he told me to please not do that to him and/or to do it as little as possible. oh 'that' being uh....................................no...


July 28, 2014

april 10, 2012*

'well. more of the symptoms are presenting themselves 3 more. 8........er, '8'. wow...........and that has nothing to do w/ this entry. [i'm blazed right now]..............wow.just.wow. Currently...


July 28, 2014

april 11, 2012*

'>........i've gotten. No Advice   and. popsicles, incense & smoothies. & fevers warmth reactions.   so.   Currently: 10:50 p.m.   As put.   I'm finally starting to see how sick I've g...


July 28, 2014

april 11, 2011

'ok so I know I wrote part of this earlier this a.m. and then evidently crashed from 4 - 8:55 a.m. so didn't finish the entry. so a bit of a repeat.entry. ' ........but that's. not good. [so, obv...


July 28, 2014

april 12, 2012

'Ok onto Part C Part C: Communication/right up front instead of waiting   I'm not the greatest w/ communication. In fact that's how I communicate. is I don't. I'm an avoider. a runner. an escapis...


July 28, 2014

april 15, 2012

'Part B: the lesser of 2 evils/all or nothing ok, so. It's always been an all-or-nothing deal. I either eat and deal w/ emotional shit or I............don't eat and don't. It's either complete ph...


July 28, 2014

april 16, 2012

'selfishness. 14:  no sick w/ parents, 16: cooking/pots/knives   Part A: it's so frustrating. he doesn't get it. not as much as I want him to [yes well does anyone. i'm making a point not asking...


July 28, 2014

april 16, 2012

'ugh. i'm so tired to-day. so foggytired. [i realise that's redundant]. i was walking back from the store and everything.........everything was far away. i didn't connect. i couldn't feel anythin...


July 28, 2014

april 17, 2012*

'Part D: i don't want to be 'everyone'./and sick again. and why do i want to set myself apart?/ i'm too inwardly focused i have been for yrs.   So, sometimes I'll do/say something - such as withi...


July 28, 2014

april 17, 2012*

'yeah. you're tellin me. SA/ED Content So. tonight's ep. of 'glee' was really. relevant. You know cause uh. Finn was wondering how to get his youth back. yeah. i get that. damn i get that. When y...


July 28, 2014

april 18, 2012*

'when i think of home i think of a place where there's love overflowing - from. The Wiz.   well yeah. that too. And. 'home isn't a place: it's a feeling". uh huh that too. [which, again. is why i...


July 28, 2014

april 18, 2012*

'orgasms/sad when i look at the world     So. as put. sex life is lacking bc of back pain. You know. Back a few wks. ago, when James & I were in bed [and, to clarify. when i put that i don't ...


July 28, 2014

april 18, 2012

'how i'm doing physically/not a pill popper. its cold out. or looks so. and cloudy. I don't feel good. currently 5:20 p.m. watchin 'friends'. i'm quesy and tired. and you know that achy feeling r...


July 28, 2014

april 19, 2012

'ok so this is a bit of a repeat entry. '' No. not 'i guess'. i am. So..............................sososo................last night when James was driving home from work he'd picked a friend up....


July 27, 2014

april 25, 2012

'>.......understand. 'you need to be ok w/ that', what to say/not say. what helps/doesn't. and the dream being not 'just a dream'. So. I don't understand this but have a guess. For the past......


July 27, 2014

april 27, 2012

'Sorry I had to break that entry into 4, but it screws up when I try and copy & paste something from online, so. and then once I've done that it won't let me type more, so.   Anyway.   I had ...


July 27, 2014

april 27, 2012

'and. [here's] what scares me the most.   So, obviously I've been researching this quite a bit. All I have for the cause is that there's a genetic component and it can can be linked to birth comp...


July 27, 2014

april 27, 2012

'>.......but come to find out. It is. You know, back in high school, yeah I had depression/anxiety [ok so also this disorder, but, as already detailed, didn't register it], but at the time it ...


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