Public

Since OD is shutting down....

by justme25

Entries 1,169

Page 8 of 47

September 23, 2023

I have more to say.

I’ve had plenty of thoughts since last night and I’ve started to look at things from a different angle. I’m hoping that the CS won’t get paid and that he keeps the job because then after some tim...


September 22, 2023

It's Friday.

So I’ve just been thinking today and I’m just so glad that I don’t have to have a relationship with my parents. It’s just nice to be able to keep that safe distance and not deal with them. I real...


September 22, 2023

Better outlook.

I’m definitely in a better place today then I was yesterday. I have to keep the perspective that everything happens for a reason, sometimes things happen to keep you humble, God’s timing is alway...


September 21, 2023

Doctor.

I went to my appointment after getting my kid to school. I talked to my doctor about the constipation I’ve been having. He said that I need to cut down on coffee, soda, and start having more fibe...


September 21, 2023

Updates.

So today we packed a lunch and off to school she went. There won’t be after school program next Monday or Friday. She definitely had a good time yesterday and wanted to go again. I was so worried...


September 19, 2023

Back issues.

So I met with my back doctor and he said that he’s going to message the nurse that I saw before I met him about me quitting smoking and losing weight. I have to do all these things before I were ...


September 18, 2023

TANF.

I’ve gotten several comments asking about TANF and what you do all day. So if you have children under the age of 6, you have to be there 20 hours a week and if you have kids over the age of 6, yo...


September 18, 2023

Today.

I really woke up at 3am and was in massive pain so I couldn’t go back to sleep. I fell back asleep a few minutes before the alarm. I got my daughter dressed, hair fixed, and we even packed her a ...


September 17, 2023

Whatever.

So we’ve done breakfast and a snack. I want my daughter to eat lunch before she goes in a couple of hours. She’s definitely excited, I just wish the time would go faster. I’ve told her that the ...


September 16, 2023

Left out.

My brother messaged earlier asking for my kid to come hang out but I reminded him that his kid and her cousin are always mean to my daughter. Well, my kid saw that message and asked about it so I...


September 16, 2023

Saturday.

We’ve since eaten breakfast and I’ve picked up the house. We’re watching a movie and just hanging out. I am hoping my daughter naps today. I’m also hoping that her big sister texts about plans fo...


September 16, 2023

Shower.

So I’ve finally showered. I’ve been really depressed for the last 3 days and I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth. I feel better since I’ve cleaned up. I’ve eaten breakfast and lunch. The one ...


September 15, 2023

Confused.

So I really am having a hard time accepting everything. I can’t get any type of help from my daughter’s deadbeat sperm donor and no one can force him to pay CS. I can’t afford childcare because I...


September 14, 2023

Confused.

So I really am having a hard time accepting everything. I can’t get any type of help from my daughter’s deadbeat sperm donor and no one can force him to pay CS. I can’t afford childcare because I...


September 14, 2023

I give up.

She left a voicemail before I got my kid from school saying that they never received the form stating I would cooperate with CS. I remember mailing it last week and putting it in the mailbox. I t...


September 13, 2023

Nothing.

So I was pretty depressed all day yesterday and then when I got my that room, I was told that they probably won’t help with the afterschool program fees and that the people who are in charge of g...


September 11, 2023

New plan.

So I got myself a shower, got breakfast and my daughter off to school. I sat in that room again today but left early so I could get an application for an after school program here. I am to fill i...


September 10, 2023

Memories.

We’ve gotten breakfast and groceries. I’ve done dishes twice, made lunch, cleaned up the house and put laundry away. I’m definitely ready to have tomorrow morning over with. I’m really hoping to...


September 09, 2023

Good news.

So I went to my program this morning. I’m sick of having to be there so early and before I have to change to get fully woke up. I’m really hoping I’m going to be done at the early part of next we...


I was feeling pretty defeated yesterday into last night. I slept pretty decent and then got my daughter off to school. My caseworker said that I have to be there at 8:30 or else they might questi...


September 06, 2023

I seriously need help.

So this morning I got my kid to school and picked up my medications. I was still feeling pretty hopeful and motivated about everything until I got to my program. I’m really down worrying about wh...


September 06, 2023

Interview, day went fast.

So the morning went very quick. I got my shower, my kid off to school and then made a couple of phone calls. I went to the interview at the coffee place. The lady was very nice and so we’re the g...


September 04, 2023

It's Sunday.

I showered when we got back last night. I busted my ass to make extra money. My daughter was pretty good. We did have a couple of moments where she was definitely getting hot, tired, and ready to...


September 04, 2023

Going alright.

My daughter went with her big sister for a couple of hours. They went out to lunch and got a couple things from Dollar Tree. She invited us to her housewarming party next Saturday but I don’t kno...


September 03, 2023

Breakfast.

So we’ve had a pretty good morning. I took my daughter with me again this morning and made an easy $15. I’m pretty happy about that. We also got breakfast at McDonald’s and home for my daughter t...


Book Description

I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.

Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.

I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.

So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.

I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.

I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.

It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.

My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.