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Since OD is shutting down....

by justme25

Entries 1,165

Page 29 of 47

June 19, 2017

Cat vaccines, stress.

So yesterday I woke up bound and determined I was going to find someone to give the kittens their first round of booster shots. I messaged my Mom asking her if she was going to be in town at all ...


June 16, 2017

Kitty stress.

So I was off yesterday for the first time ever in the middle of the week because I had to work Monday. I started feeling really empty and alone starting Thursday night and it spilled over into ye...


June 11, 2017

It's more clear now.

Ok so BD has been back since last month. We have hung out a couple of times since last Monday. Basically, he’s still in the same spot as he always was. He still doesn’t have a job, car, or a stab...


June 03, 2017

More thoughts.

I’m still thinking about everything with my BD and I’m still very frustrated that neither one of my friends have blocked him and keep engaging in conversation with him. I wish they understood as ...


June 03, 2017

Money, meeting, work.

Ugh, I’m really sick of worrying about money. I had a conversation with a co-worker yesterday and he told me he doesn’t even know why he still works there. I let him know that I’m going to be app...


May 29, 2017

Days off.

It’s been a good couple days off. I didn’t do much or hear from anyone but it still went alright. I was able to get 2 of me medications today so I don’t have to worry about making another trip un...


May 22, 2017

Dead end.

Ok so he finally wrote my friend back yesterday and basically, there’s no way to have any kind of contact with his Mother. He’s still being super difficult and doesn’t want to even attempt to mak...


May 21, 2017

Another week down.

It’s been a pretty decent week for money. I’m actually content with what I’ve made. I got some groceries last night, along with some toilet paper and laundry detergent for me and the baby. I foun...


I got super dizzy earlier so I laid down and took a nap. The feeling was still kinda there when I woke up so I checked and my blood sugar was 69 so I ate. I didn’t think it was that low but defin...


May 15, 2017

Lawyer, job stuff.

I met with the lawyer today and things went good. She basically confirmed everything I already knew from stuff I’ve read online and the things my friends have told me. Basically, it would be easi...


May 14, 2017

Bored as shit.

So the last 2 days I’ve had to work I’ve slept a lot before I had to be there but now that it’s my day off, I struggled to take a nap. It’s really frustrating because I haven’t had anything to do...


May 09, 2017

Work.

Tonight was decent. I didn’t make much and left an hour early because it was so fucking dead. I hate Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I like it because it’s not super hard, but I hate not making rea...


May 08, 2017

DONE!

OK so I had a pretty decent week, except for yesterday. We were supposed to take LO to the circus and my brother sabotaged it, at least for me. He had known about this for over a week and then ye...


May 02, 2017

Bills, back to work.

Ugh, so I have to send my rent check today. I paid my dental insurance as well. I was almost 2 months behind because I didn’t have enough to pay it with my last check. It really sucks not being a...


April 28, 2017

Feeling alright.

I talked to my friend this morning and then got an appointment with lawyer for the middle of May, picked up circus ticket and went to counseling. I’m definitely glad I went because my counselor r...


April 25, 2017

What's best.

I go to work in a couple of hours. I just had another prenatal appointment. Baby’s heart rate is 152 and my blood pressure is good but she didn’t say what it was. They increased one of my dosage ...


April 23, 2017

And there's more.

So today’s bullshit is that he plans on getting help where he lives now because he doesn’t want to come back here. If he doesn’t want to come back before the baby is born, then chances are he’s n...


April 23, 2017

What I want.

So I guess he told my friend yesterday that he plans to return in a couple of weeks and get into counseling as soon as he gets here. She didn’t send me these screenshots. She also didn’t send me ...


April 22, 2017

I want better.

So I stupidly took a late nap this afternoon and then woke up feeling super grumpy and detached. It took me almost 2 hours to feel completely awake and the grumpy that I felt never went away. I h...


April 19, 2017

Couple things.

The first thing I need to talk about is something that happened last night at work. My manager and another dude were giving me a hard time about me only working 20 hours a week. They don’t unders...


April 18, 2017

Bad day.

My day was fine until I went outside to check the mail and my brother and niece were outside. She called my name and waved. I waved back and hurried to get inside. It killed me that she just stoo...


April 16, 2017

Easter.

I’m yet spending another holiday alone. I got up this morning and had to get a few last minute things from the store for my stew. Friday afternoon I spent 2 hours cleaning out my bedroom closet a...


Again I want to make this extremely clear: this is MY diary and I’ll write whatever the fuck I want. I tend to be a very passionate person and will write about what’s upsetting me and say whateve...


April 15, 2017

The drama continues.

He’s been messaging my friend since yesterday. He started by saying how he fessed up to his mistakes and now will be paying for it for the next 5 years. I guess he said he was hoping I would have...


April 12, 2017

Fatigue, work.

I have been massively tired lately and I struggle to get through the day. I got some sample prenatal pills from my OB and took them today and yesterday but now I’m constipated so I can’t keep tak...


Book Description

I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.

Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.

I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.

So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.

I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.

I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.

It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.

My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.