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Since OD is shutting down....

by justme25

Entries 1,165

Page 27 of 47

November 19, 2020

Another day.

Today has been pretty decent. My daughter and I got up stupid early and she said she was hungry so I got her McDonald’s for breakfast. We don’t really eat out much anymore because it’s unhealthy ...


November 18, 2020

Lots of good news today.

It’s been a pretty good day already. I received a call from the insurance company and I’ll be getting paid for our injuries and the damages to my car. I had to send pictures and a video earlier. ...


November 18, 2020

Toxic ass people.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about my so called “friend” that I’ve gone to visit and I am just so glad all the shit happened like it did before anything really awful could have transpired. It’s ju...


November 14, 2020

PTSD.

I honestly wonder if I have PTSD because I’ve had so many bad experiences with things. Like I’ll just have flashbacks of my old job to the point where I start crying. I have horrible anxiety and ...


November 14, 2020

Crazy ass people.

So I forgot to mention about the car accident we had when we went to visit my friend. He was driving my car and we got rear ended. I had severe whiplash and so did my 3 year old. We’ve been going...


So it’s been a hot minute since I’ve made an entry and I’m hoping I’ll have time to touch on everything that’s been going on before the little one wakes up. Ok so BD came around about a month ago...


September 01, 2020

Everything will be okay.

Anyways, I was pretty stressed/down about having to pay rent when my check was still $63 short and basically working for nothing but I told them I had quit so I don’t have to pay it which leaves ...


September 01, 2020

I quit.

I seriously quit. I spent 7 years at a job with no pay raise unless it was because of the government, never told I did a good job, never got off in time, worked with some of the laziest people ev...


December 03, 2019

Mooches!

I will never understand how people don’t care to have any contact with you whatsoever unless they fucking need something! So there’s this guy that I’ve known for about 5-6 years that had a girlfr...


November 28, 2019

Thanksgiving Eve.

So i only worked 4 hours tonight and then went and got some snacks and stuff for tomorrow while we wait for the roast. I don’t really like turkey and after almost burning the house down last year...


November 28, 2019

Thanksgiving Eve.

So i only worked 4 hours tonight and then went and got some snacks and stuff for tomorrow while we wait for the roast. I don’t really like turkey and after almost burning the house down last year...


November 26, 2019

Same game, different day.

I never write in here as much as I should. Working, keeping the house clean, and raising a child on my own keeps me from having much free time. Her Dad came around a couple of weeks ago for a cou...


August 10, 2019

CS, loneliness.

It’s been a really long minute since I’ve written. I’m just so busy taking care of my little one, working, and keeping the house clean. My situation hasn’t changed. I haven’t received CS again in...


February 05, 2019

Missing cat, bitter cold.

So my kitty has been missing for 8 days now. I have posted online, I’ve offered a reward, I’ve put up reward posters all over my neighborhood and have checked the pound website several times a da...


February 05, 2019

Foolish idea of mine.

So I had an idea about asking my caseworker to reach out to BD and see if we could arrange meetings with her so he could see little one. It truly bothers me that he’s missed so much time with her...


January 14, 2019

Foolish idea of mine.

So I had an idea about asking my caseworker to reach out to BD and see if we could arrange meetings with her so he could see little one. It truly bothers me that he’s missed so much time with her...


OK so I’ll start with Wednesday. I slipped on ice and ended up with a concussion. I hit the back of my head and from there, ended up with a killer headache and nausea like I’ve never had before. ...


December 31, 2018

Narcissists and a concussion.

OK so I’ll start with Wednesday. I slipped on ice and ended up with a concussion. I hit the back of my head and from there, ended up with a killer headache and nausea like I’ve never had before. ...


December 12, 2018

Income Tax Worry.

OK so I’m gonna write about my income tax and what I’m worried about. I’m concerned that my child’s father is going to claim my child on taxes. I didn’t have to worry last year because he was beh...


Ok so I’ll start with work. There’s a new manager and she’s a royal fucking bitch. She treats everyone like complete shit when we get super busy and I don’t even think she’s fully aware of her be...


September 12, 2018

Happy and feeling okay

My last entry I started a few weeks ago and completely forgot about it until I tried to make an entry and it was there so that’s a start of one. I’m definitely doing better with things and truly...


September 11, 2018

Someday I'll learn.

OK so I decided to unblock BD last weekend and try to communicate once again. He was here last Sunday and Monday. He’s still impossible to deal with and truly gets off on bringing me down. He CON...


July 15, 2018

Going back to school.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my future and wanting to make some changes. I decided I’m going back to school in a month. I have a caseworker who is an absolute saint and has done everyt...


So I had baby’s birthday party on Saturday. No one came except for my brother, his girlfriend and my niece. It was alright other than my brother trying to start in about his CS issues with my bes...


June 25, 2018

It's been a good minute.

I haven’t wrote for quite some time!! I’ve just been so busy taking care of little one, working, cleaning/organizing and planning my child’s birthday party that I haven’t had time. I can’t believ...


Book Description

I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.

Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.

I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.

So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.

I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.

I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.

It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.

My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.