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Since OD is shutting down....

by justme25

Entries 1,165

Page 24 of 47

February 07, 2022

I hate mooches!

Alright so my Mom has been home probably around 3 weeks at this point. She’s still into the bullshit where my Dad goes everywhere with her and drives her car. This irritates me quite a bit becaus...


February 06, 2022

Not feeling good.

My daughter woke up and puked about midnight last night. There was throw up all over the wall, the bed sheets, pillows, her clothes, her face, the floor…it was absolutely brutal. She had a couple...


January 31, 2022

Date.

So, I had a date Friday night. We started talking on Monday and then Thursday night we talked on the phone for about 3 hours. We met up in a parking lot and he bought us KFC. He came over and che...


January 25, 2022

Money.

Anyways, after the other day when my Mom told me that I would be getting someone in the mail from the IRS, I’m wondering if there’s going to be a fight regarding my taxes. Even though they are fu...


January 25, 2022

Constant chaos.

So there’s a filthy website my sperm donor frequents and I was made aware of a post he made yesterday regarding me. He was saying how I’m on there talking to people about him and keeping tabs and...


January 23, 2022

I just want to move.

I have always wanted to move away from my hometown as this place just doesn’t serve me anymore. I’m tired of having anxiety everywhere I go because I’m always worried about running into someone t...


January 21, 2022

Couple things.

My Mom decided to finally go home after about 6 weeks of living with her little boyfriend. I told her the day she went home that my boundaries with my daughter are going to stay firm and I don’t ...


January 18, 2022

People are too negative!

So I have a friend that I’ve known for almost 20 years. She’s been pretty involved in my life for years, even though she’s moved 20 hours away. I am really irritated at how negative she can be ab...


January 08, 2022

My problems just get worse.

I needed my Mother to come help me yesterday and even though I told her all week, she managed to still get out of it and then not understand when I finally run out of patience and understanding. ...


December 25, 2021

Christmas Eve.

It’s just another day. I am honestly so tired of never having family for the holidays. My daughter keeps asking if we are going anywhere and I don’t know. I never hear from anyone. I let her open...


December 21, 2021

Depleted.

So I signed up to pick up toys and a food box for this morning. I of course have to take my daughter with me because there’s no babysitter. We waited in line for almost 2 hours until it’s our tur...


December 15, 2021

Doing okay.

I’ve reconciled with my Mom and she was here over the weekend. I went to my parents house yesterday and talked to my Dad and tried to tell him that my Mom is still very angry that he never worked...


December 10, 2021

Pretty sure I hate my family.

My older brother has always had an issue with my Mom watching my kid and has made that known for quite some time now. Over the weekend, my Mom watched both kids meaning his too and left my house ...


December 09, 2021

Daycare stress.

My daughter’s daycare shut down which sucks because even though I really didn’t plan on her going there again, it would have been the cheapest in town. I’ve tried to find care just Friday and Sat...


December 06, 2021

FUckinggggg annoying.

So....my Mom had my little brother committed and the sheriff took him last night for a 24 hour hold. I’m sure he’s out by now. My parents haven’t been doing well for quite some time and my Mom ha...


So my daughter has been sick for the past few days and we missed Halloween because she wasn’t feeling good. Her fever stopped yesterday so she went to school today and I ended up having to get he...


October 30, 2021

Frustrated AF!

So I’ve spent the last 2 months trying to get my kid enrolled with the native tribe her ‘Dad’ is affiliated with to find out yesterday he’s NOT EVEN ENROLLED!! I wasted time and money to send her...


October 18, 2021

Limits.

So my brother and I were having a conversation the other day about our children and discipline. I realize how much I’ve allowed my child to make me an absolute wreck. I know that it’s time to tak...


October 15, 2021

Limits.

So my brother and I were having a conversation the other day about our children and discipline. I realize how much I’ve allowed my child to make me an absolute wreck. I know that it’s time to tak...


October 08, 2021

Fuck dating.

So when you are in your late 30’s, you’d think dating would be a tad easier because people have had a chance to develop some maturity and having the chance to really live. Okay, no it’s just as h...


September 30, 2021

Child Support.

So I never did get ahold of my caseworker so I emailed my old one and then the supervisor called me. Evidently, he has another 14 months of non-payment unless I heard wrong. They may put him in c...


September 30, 2021

School keeps shutting down!

So this is now the 3rd time school has shut down. We waited for 40 minutes this morning for the bus and finally get a call that her classroom has shut down and school will resume on October 12th....


August 19, 2021

My cousin passed, BD drama.

I found out Saturday morning that my little cousin, 20 years old was murdered. He was walking down the street and was shot. He died at the hospital Friday evening. I am absolutely wrecked over th...


August 13, 2021

Boundaries.

I kept the kids last night and we all went to the Dollar Tree this morning and then took my niece home this afternoon. I made lil smokies and mac n cheese for dinner. It’s definitely hot and I’m ...


July 30, 2021

Pressing matters.

With school to start back up in about 3 weeks, I’m doing some planning on getting a job and hoping that I’ll find something within my daughter’s school hours since the daycare she had gone to cou...


Book Description

I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.

Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.

I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.

So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.

I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.

I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.

It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.

My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.