Since OD is shutting down....
by justme25
Entries 1,165
Page 21 of 47
Day 5.
I haven’t smoked in 5 days and I’m doing alright. I still have moments where I want to go buy another pack and only smoke 1 but I know that I wouldn’t smoke just 1 so I haven’t. I didn’t put a pa...
No more smoking.
OKay so I tried to stop smoking a little over a month ago and just couldn’t do it and convinced myself I would only smoke just when I absolutely needed to and that turned into almost 2 packs a da...
Taxes.
Alright so..... I have gotten 3 letters from the IRS saying they need another 60 days to review and that I don’t have to do anything. Well, I have since linked up with a tax advocate and I guess ...
Birthday!
We did the miniature golf thing yesterday which was pretty fun. It was super hot though and we were both just dripping sweat but it kicked off her day. I wanted to take her to do something really...
Shit show.
So there’s been some shit going on that I’m really upset about. I’ll start with last night. We are over at my brother’s house after my daughter’s nap where everything is going just fine until my ...
Yesterday.
So I had my brother watch my kid and I went to counseling. My Mom actually showed up while we were gone and I told her to go over there. I went over there when I was done and we just hung out. My...
Bible camp.
I really took my daughter to the bible study thing yesterday and it was not the best experience for someone like me who is introverted and has an overall dislike for the human population. I took ...
Not as hot.
It’s been a lot cooler the past couple of days and it’s going to be cool tomorrow too. I was able to clean up the house today and get the laundry done without sweating my ass off and can actually...
Limits.
I’ve messaged him and let him know for this to work that I need him to start splitting costs down the middle, all communication needs to be through messaging or email and I’m willing to set up a ...
Holidays make me sad.
I have talked to BD a couple of times and I’m still going to stand firm on my child not seeing him. He’s still all about himself and doing what he can to have a good image for himself. He was try...
Constant state of stress.
It’s been pretty rough lately. First the car has issues and can’t be driven. Something broke so it won’t go into gear. I spent days finding a man to come look at it. I had to order the part it ne...
Just why.
So my car broke down last night. I think the shifter cable is bad. I was able to back out of the driveway but it wouldn’t go into any gear and wouldn’t even let me put it in park. Now, I get to f...
Predators.
My daughter mentioned the word ‘predator’ last night and I had to give her a pretty broad explanation of what that is. I told her that is usually an adult that’s not safe and appropriate with chi...
Tik Tok is a great counselor.
Tik Tok has definitely been a really good resource in my life. I am not thrilled that there are so many women in my exact situation but it’s a comfort that people talk about it and even make it f...
Day went fast.
We were home all day until we ran to the gas station and that took 5 minutes. It’s crazy how fast today went. It makes me realize the whole Summer is gonna go fast and I just want to enjoy it and...
Stupid complicated.
So I tried to sign my kid up to get some extra help with school clothes where I was to sign her up for a bible school but the website was down, no one answered the phone, and my emails never got ...
Still glad to be home.
I was able to run errands yesterday and get my fridge cleaned out. My daughter and I took a nap today but I still feel tired. My Mom is coming over after awhile and then is to babysit at my broth...
Still glad to be home.
I was able to run errands yesterday and get my fridge cleaned out. My daughter and I took a nap today but I still feel tired. My Mom is coming over after awhile and then is to babysit at my broth...
Lessons learned.
So I’ve had time to sleep and really process everything that happened with my visit several hours away and there’s plenty of lessons to be learned. The first one is from this moment forward, I’m ...
Lessons learned.
So I’ve had time to sleep and really process everything that happened with my visit several hours away and there’s plenty of lessons to be learned. The first one is from this moment forward, I’m ...
Yay!
So the wifi stopped working yesterday afternoon while I was in the middle of a Zoom meeting and wouldn’t come back on, even with a reboot so I had to dig out the dvd player to get us through the ...
Worst 2 days of my life.
I want to start out by saying that everything that happened between Friday and last night is completely my fault because I chose to go against everything I felt and give people a chance that didn...
Thoughts.
Yeah so my brother talked to him again last night and he agreed to my brother picking him up and taking him to get his birth certificate and filling out the forms. I of course had to run around a...
Long weekend.
So yesterday we got up and I saw on Marketplace some lady was selling some puzzles and I thought they were super cute so my daughter and I went and got them. We then got my Mom and went to a coup...
Sick of it.
Anyways, so back to what happened last week. So he sends a friend request and I accept simply because I want to snoop. Well, I see where he’s posted about going to jail and when people asked why ...
Book Description
I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.
Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.
I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.
So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.
I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.
I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.
It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.
My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.