Since OD is shutting down....
by justme25
Entries 1,165
Page 18 of 47
Job Program, offers.
So I spent my week doing the job program through job service to help me connect with childcare, look for jobs, do interviews and look at maybe going back to school. I’m absolutely exhausted and I...
Optimism is escaping.
There’s supposed to be school tomorrow but I’m starting to question it as it’s been snowing since last night or early this morning and apparently it’s pretty slippery around town. I’ve been with ...
Hell froze over.
I went to my interview this morning. By the grace of God, my Mom actually showed up to sit with my kid so I didn’t have to bring her along. The interview was about 40 minutes and I felt like they...
Chiropractor.
My back has been hurting more than normal lately, to the point where I’m concerned how much pain I’ll be in when I do start working so my daughter and I went to the chiropractor this morning. He ...
Strawberry Crepes.
So I am into this new little snack/breakfast food where you melt butter in a frying pan, add a low carb tortilla with some cream cheese and low sugar strawberry jelly and bam! An incredible snack...
Christmas is over.
I am again super glad that Christmas is over. This time it was even worse because my Gramma died the morning of Christmas eve. My parents came and my daughter opened her presents. I’m super irrit...
Christmas Day.
My Gramma died yesterday. I’m doing pretty well at holding it together but it would be nice to be alone so I can let out a really good cry. I can say I’m handling it a lot better than I thought I...
My hearing is better
I have been plugging my nose and blowing air out of my mouth and my hearing is almost all better at this point. I can’t even explain how different I feel being able to hear out of both ears. I’m ...
Everything is done.
We have finally finished all of our appointments and I have nothing else scheduled but a job interview next Friday but I can take her with me to that as well. Her old daycare lady would have watc...
Theme of my life.
Is no babysitter!! I have now taken her with me to all my appointments in the past week and will be taking her with me tomorrow since my Mom is a flake and her old daycare lady isn’t answering my...
My left ear is plugged up.
I had that horrible ear ache Friday night that came on out of nowhere and then yesterday my left ear and jaw was super sore. Now today I wake up and I can’t hear very well out of my ear and it’s ...
I hate my Mother.
For the past 2 months, I was half expecting my Mom to babysit this morning so I could go get Christmas gifts for my daughter. It had been talked about in every conversation for weeks now, she eve...
Snow day #3.
There was going to be school today but about 5:45 I get the call that they’ve cancelled again due to blowing snow and hardly any visibility. I was really looking forward to running some errands a...
Snow day 2.
I just got the email that they are coming to do snow removal so we went outside because I was going to try and move my car but there’s enough snow behind it to get stuck and not enough space to f...
It's a crap shoot, my whole life.
So I looked forward to my interview all weekend. I got my kid to school, came home and showered. I went there and waited for awhile and started feeling pretty uncomfortable but then the lady came...
Worried.
So I mention to my Mom yesterday that I’d like to go get groceries today without my daughter because it just goes so much faster and I’m not sucked into buying a bunch of crap that we don’t need....
Christmas program, car bill.
The Christmas program this morning was just super cute and makes me feel nostalgic for Christmas coming. My daughter was on the top row and I’m glad because taking videos was a lot easier because...
Block it out.
I talked to my friend this morning about my BD and that was her advice. I also think I need to free myself of this by never contacting him again because every time I do, we just go down that same...
Some positive thoughts.
I’m still annoyed at that chick messaging me BUT I like that I’m no longer on the wrong side of this. I like that I know what this guy is about and I don’t have to suffer anymore, any bitch tryin...
Still sick
My daughter and I both are still battling with being sick. She woke up with a fever this morning, she was just so hot all over her body. I gave her some Tylenol which brought the fever down so sh...
Friday.
I’m still trying to get my voice back. I have had a horrible stomach ache since last night. I’m going to be super glad when I’m done being sick. This shit is driving me fucking crazy. Just at hom...
Needed break.
Alright so after that shit storm last night, I decided that I need to do a reset and deactivate Facebook where I can just disconnect. Facebook is a really negative platform that managed to piss m...
Sick as hell.
I’ve been pretty sick since Monday and I’m really getting tired of it. I still can’t hardly breathe or smell and yesterday I could barely speak as I had lost my voice. Last night I woke up and c...
Creeper.
I never go out back anymore because I quit smoking almost 2 months ago. Every few days I’ll refill the food and water for the cat that lives outside but I never pay attention to the chairs until ...
Thanksgiving 2022
It’s been another holiday where it’s just my daughter and myself. We can’t go to my parents house because my little brother freaks out if we are there too long so my parents brought us turkey din...
Book Description
I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.
Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.
I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.
So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.
I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.
I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.
It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.
My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.