Entries 1,165
Page 17 of 47
Child Support.
So finally after thinking about it all weekend, I emailed my caseworker to make sure that I don’t have to report the money I received. She never answered so I called like 3 times and finally reac...
Good times.
Anyways, my niece came and I took the kids to do some fun stuff. They are currently putting on makeup and dancing so I’m good for a few minutes. I am so glad she came, my daughter just absolutely...
Blessings.
So I happened to check the CS website and there was 2 big payments made. There’s no wage withholding so I am super curious to where this money has come from. I did ask my brother if he’s heard an...
Anger.
So yesterday went pretty well. My time at my job program went really fast. I talked to my caseworker for about an hour and then after that the day flew by. I got some lunch and came home to relax...
Grandma was always right.
I miss my Gramma terribly. I remember her always talking about users and abusers. It’s crazy how right she was about everything and at every moment. I will say that I haven’t always been great a...
Deadbeats and their relatives!
I don’t think I’ve talked much about his brother but I have some things to say. So his brother just got out of prison and has been out for about 7 months. He’s always tried to talk to me over Fac...
Snow day.
We are home today due to the amount of snowfall and windchills. They just announced there’s no school tomorrow either so we are staying in at least until Friday. I was supposed to have my injecti...
Narratives.
I have done a lot of thinking and realize that our lives are the way they are because of other people’s narratives. I don’t get to have a life outside of motherhood because it wouldn’t mesh with ...
Stepping Stones.
I’m doing alright today but I worry my daughter is going to be upset if she doesn’t get to hang out with her cousin, like my brother told her. She has already called my brother and he said he’d c...
Parenting is the hardest job there is.
I have always had really strained relationships with my family and I’d like to talk about how much it’s affected my daughter. There’s always been times where we don’t see or speak to each other f...
Another sick joke.
So, I’ve been pretty busy lately going to counseling, the chiropractor, my job program, and now I’ve done the MRI and had my appointment yesterday to go over the results. I have 2 bulging disks a...
Bone Spurs.
I had my appointment today and apparently I have bone spurs in my back and too much space between discs. They want me to start physical therapy and they’re going to call me and schedule an MRI to...
Humble.
I am so grateful I have a running car again but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and realize that I wish it would have broken down long ago. Years, in fact because I am certain if I would have, ...
I'm mobile again!
I got my car back Thursday about 3pm. I can’t tell you how happy I am and what a difference it makes knowing I won’t have to walk everywhere anymore. My daughter had it kinda rough at school yest...
Still no car.
So I was told YESTERDAY I would have my car by this morning. I haven’t heard from them and I’m starting to run out of fucking patience. My car has been there for 22 days. They started working on ...
Tuesday.
I have since blocked my Mother and need to just sever ties. I can’t deal with her lack of compassion she has. I could NEVER treat my daughter the way she has treated me. I would never want her to...
Car was on fire.
Yeah so I went out and started the car this morning after it’s been about -35 below and I went out about 10 minutes later where I smelled an electrical fire and noticed flames underneath it! I pa...
Saturday.
The weekend is here, finally. It’s nice to just hang out at home. I have lil smokies in the crockpot and we’re just watching tv. I like when we can be at home and do nothing. It’s still snowing p...
Friday!
I’m always so glad when Friday comes because that means I get a whole day to myself before the weekend comes. It’s been a good morning and my daughter was in a pretty good mood considering it’s t...
My box.
I had a pretty good day today. My job program is going alright and I spent the majority of my time there talking to a case manager. She was also a single Mom and completely understands my struggl...
Urgent Care, back pain.
I want to make a quick entry since I had so many comments with people telling me their back pain stories and showing me concern, I definitely appreciate it guys!! I had an xray today at Urgent Ca...
Back pain.
So I’ve always suffered with my back problems but now it’s definitely time to figure something out because I can’t stand up for more than 30 minutes without serious pain. I can’t continue to live...
New job!
So it’s been a little while since I’ve made an entry. I did my orientation on Wednesday morning and then watched videos on Thursday. I had my first day on Friday. It went well, everyone was nice ...
Anal fissure.
So I suffer from constipation and then it leads to anal tear and then I’m in the worst pain of my entire life. I’ve had this my whole life but got worse in my early 20’s. If I don’t eat right and...
Weekend is almost over.
My Mom came over for awhile yesterday. I ran to the store and got some snack stuff to get us by. I am so frustrated that we didn’t get to see my niece of course. Again, this is why I want to move...
Book Description
I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.
Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.
I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.
So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.
I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.
I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.
It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.
My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.
