Public

Since OD is shutting down....

by justme25

Entries 1,165

Page 14 of 47

May 08, 2023

Threats!

So, he talked to her this morning. He said he wanted me to dump her off Wednesday at 3 until 6pm. I mentioned that’s a long time during the week. He said that if I don’t let him see her that he w...


May 08, 2023

Triggered.

I really think I am learning a lot in my healing journey and the first thing is learning my triggers and knowing how to step away and take a breath before reacting. I left a message this morning ...


May 07, 2023

Good Day.

So my daughter went with her big and judging from the pictures, they had a really good time! I am so glad this girl makes effort with my daughter because it’s very much appreciated! My daughter w...


May 07, 2023

What.

So I woke up and noticed something pink by the front door. I picked it up and noticed it was a card from her Dad. It’s his birthday today and he wants to take her and do things. I’m torn because ...


May 04, 2023

Errands.

So I got my daughter to school and then went for my adjustment and got my medications. I’m glad to get that stuff done. I also mailed something that needed to be mailed by tomorrow so let’s hope ...


May 04, 2023

Errands.

So I got my daughter to school and then went for my adjustment and got my medications. I’m glad to get that stuff done. I also mailed something that needed to be mailed by tomorrow so let’s hope ...


May 03, 2023

Quick Entry.

So right before I went to get my kid her teacher called to say she found her crying in the hallway saying her ear hurt so I hurried to get her and by the time I got there she was fine so we went ...


May 03, 2023

Quick Entry.

So right before I went to get my kid her teacher called to say she found her crying in the hallway saying her ear hurt so I hurried to get her and by the time I got there she was fine so we went ...


May 02, 2023

Praying.

So I sent my daughter with the paper work for her field trip next Friday and for the Summer program and now I just have to sit back and pray that she gets a spot. I’m mentally preparing myself to...


May 02, 2023

It's Monday.

I’ve had some coffee. I’m trying to figure out what to do about insurance. I can’t find a good number to call that once place so I’ll probably just stay with the place I currently have insurance....


May 02, 2023

It's Monday.

I’ve had some coffee. I’m trying to figure out what to do about insurance. I can’t find a good number to call that once place so I’ll probably just stay with the place I currently have insurance....


May 01, 2023

Thinking.

Anyways, so I know my friend is going to ask soon if I’m planning on moving down there and I don’t know what I’m going to say. All I know is if I did, that would be showing poor judgment on my en...


May 01, 2023

Thinking.

Anyways, so I know my friend is going to ask soon if I’m planning on moving down there and I don’t know what I’m going to say. All I know is if I did, that would be showing poor judgment on my en...


April 30, 2023

Health Insurance.

Okay so my brother did come and get my kid which is great but I hope she won’t be over there too late because we still need to do dinner and bath. It wasn’t last weekend but the weekend before, t...


April 30, 2023

Health Insurance.

Okay so my brother did come and get my kid which is great but I hope she won’t be over there too late because we still need to do dinner and bath. It wasn’t last weekend but the weekend before, t...


April 30, 2023

Inadequate.

Okay so my daughter went with her big sister yesterday for a couple of hours and then we picked up my niece and went to 2 different parks and the dollar store. My brother came and got her this mo...


April 30, 2023

Inadequate.

Okay so my daughter went with her big sister yesterday for a couple of hours and then we picked up my niece and went to 2 different parks and the dollar store. My brother came and got her this mo...


April 30, 2023

Energy.

Since talking to my friend last night, I’ve decided that I’m probably going to just leave well enough alone. I have already put too much energy into something and it’s gone nowhere and I refuse t...


April 30, 2023

Energy.

Since talking to my friend last night, I’ve decided that I’m probably going to just leave well enough alone. I have already put too much energy into something and it’s gone nowhere and I refuse t...


April 29, 2023

New Idea.

So I might be absolutely crazy for this but I’ve been mulling over an idea for awhile and I want to share it to give some feedback. I’ve been seeing a lot of different videos on Tik Tok about par...


April 29, 2023

New Idea.

So I might be absolutely crazy for this but I’ve been mulling over an idea for awhile and I want to share it to give some feedback. I’ve been seeing a lot of different videos on Tik Tok about par...


April 29, 2023

Saturday morning.

We’ve been up for awhile. I made eggs, sausage, and cinnamon rolls. I plan to get my daughter her bath so she’s ready when it’s time to go with her big sister. I haven’t heard from her yet becaus...


April 29, 2023

Saturday morning.

We’ve been up for awhile. I made eggs, sausage, and cinnamon rolls. I plan to get my daughter her bath so she’s ready when it’s time to go with her big sister. I haven’t heard from her yet becaus...


April 29, 2023

Mindful.

So I had my appointment with the Dr who did my injection this morning. He told me a bunch of really scary stuff about my back and the only things I remember is the stuff is moving and something d...


April 29, 2023

Mindful.

So I had my appointment with the Dr who did my injection this morning. He told me a bunch of really scary stuff about my back and the only things I remember is the stuff is moving and something d...


Book Description

I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.

Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.

I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.

So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.

I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.

I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.

It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.

My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.