Entries 237
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Live From Here!
It has very recently come to my attention that the NPR program “Live From Here!” was canceled way back Early Pandemic When, spring of 2020, with little ceremony- not so much as any kind of finale...
Here for the party
It’s interesting– on a very deep level I need to be connected to society. There is just something that is so fundamental to human satisfaction at the heart of it. Sharing things, with others; see...
Look on down from the bridge.
I’ve been hitting the Mazzy Star a little too hard this week. Something about it just pairs so well with winter; that empty, echoing, deadness. Could be because the particularly memorable winter ...
The Wet Years
I swear I can feel my body breaking down in real time; moving maybe not rapidly but at least steadily towards spectacular collapse. Maybe it’s my 40th birthday just around the corner. Maybe it’s ...
The Garden
Something peculiar has happened to my memory over the last few years- how I experience my memories, rather. I don’t know if it’s the darkening authoritarian age, my dad dying, or settling down an...
Disparity
When did disparity become a fundamental religious problem? Who would want to live in a bland, hierarchically homogenous society? As though it could stand on its own two feet for more than five se...
Winter Memories
My girlfriend claims the aesthetic of our house is built for winter, and I am inclined to agree. Physically and practically, not so much- I’ve got countless draft points plugged with all sorts of...
Ever Haunted By Yellow Windows
When I think of college, two images flash my mind. The first is a tall doorway casting yellow light into bitter falling snow. The second also features yellow light, coming out of a square window ...
Cameras in the dark
When we were kids, my brother and I got our hands on our parents point and shoot film camera one night after lights out, and discovered a really fun game. If the camera is empty of film, but stil...
You want it darker? We kill the flame.
Almost snapped at work today. I could feel this pressure of expectation from so many people, surrounding me- pinning me against the cold reality of tasks I quite simply did not feel up to. Unfort...
Peter Pan at the window
What is the point of growing up except to fulfill the fantasies we had as children? What other meaning could there be? We know meaning is relative, and manufactured by the individual- with or wit...
Oh my darlin'
One of the first things I remember was receiving a spinal tap when I was three. At birth, I had a collapsed lung, and was only saved by the miracles of 1980s medicine. But when I was three the gl...
Engineering a path around tribalism to socialist utopia.
Honestly, I hate politics- but lately I’ve been thinking about family and community. I’m very close to my family, my brothers and I share a business together, and our microcosm is as marxist as i...
At some point I stopped sleeping.
At night I lie down, fight my girlfriend and cats for a corner of the king sized bed, and watch the blue shadows crawl the wall until the clock pushes past 5:00 AM. I put a kettle on and read the...
To Boldly Go!
What an interesting day, logistically speaking. At one point my fair lady dragged me somewhat against my will into a haunted house, paid for the tickets, and then shoved me in front of her once w...
Closing Time
I have been in the bad habit lately of typing out entries, mostly just out of a need to write, feeling satisfied with the writing process, and then deleting them instead of posting them. Not in a...
Hater Town, population Me
It’s strange to endure hateful things on the promise of a better tomorrow. My eyes feel like they have been ground into dirt- the dirt I walk back and forth through. It’s like the more hateful th...
Navigating Novelty
On the bedside table in my room at the family cabin is a photograph of my dad standing, shirtless, in front of his newly minted pond. The rocks are all clean and orderly, and on the porch just be...
It Hurts
Yesterday I went over the handlebars of my bicycle at the end of my walkway. I was leaning out over them, and my tire struck a rut I didn’t anticipate. I balanced on top of them for just a moment...
How reading enriches life
The best part about reading for me is an effect that radiates briefly after the act of reading itself, and doesn’t linger. Routine reading is necessary to perpetuate it, and the author matters gr...
An Unpleasant Thought
I think I’ve thought of the saddest moment there is. Imagine having the responsibility of being present while a dependent of yours died. Someone who trusted you- who looked to you for help, who l...
Weekend Road
Things feel like 2008 again. Like they’re falling apart. It’s concerning, enough to keep one up at night. There’s enough to worry and despair over, the collapse of civilization should be well tow...
Memory of a Dream
Had a dream a few years ago I can barely remember. A couple, maybe around the same time. There is something about the way I am feeling now that hearkens back to the way I felt in those dreams. I ...
Summer Music
There was a summer some years back that only saw a few days over 80 degrees. That was the summer that taught me to appreciate the heat, and all the magic it brings. Heat wave daylight drains the...
Counting Years
Been thinking about my Dad on the one year anniversary of his death this week. Incidentally, the very same week that I closed on my first home after years of searching and preparing. Old house- 1...
