Entries 237
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The 90s Were Peak Civilization
In the year 2000 I was 18 years old and about to (barely) graduate high school. I had a cell phone- just a flip phone, but they were new at the time and not many even had those. Back then it was ...
The Lilac Parade
First hot night of the year has it’s traditions. One of them, I call The Lilac Parade. It’s an exercise I undergo at last once a year, on the first hot night of spring, when the lilacs are every...
Ave Maria
I haven’t taken a day off in a month, or a vacation at all in many many years, and there’s no signs yet of slowing. I swore I’d never be one of those workaholic idiots, but here I am. Not because...
Bumblefucking Around
Ever have a day where you can’t seem to make a single wise decision? Granted, I’ve been working with a fever- alone, of course- for the last couple days, and a minor lack of sleep from other col...
Ping Says Goodbye
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/qGeIH8VcbrY It took me a long time to figure out why this scene would randomly pop into my head and make me feel emotional. The other day it dawned on me- this is a...
Ruminating and Speculating
These are the toughest weeks of winter, these first of spring. My life feels like a washed out grey canvas where once, maybe, there was a painting. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a conve...
A Winter Of Springs
I find it easy to love people and easy to be loyal. Not to anyone, of course, but once my mind makes a decision that someone merits dedication the rest of the unconscious levers follow suit witho...
I've got some real estate here in my mind
I used to listen to this song in my room at night when I was 15 years old, and dream about all the potential lives I could lead. The world was splendid then, everything looked up. I thought abou...
February Sun
What a beautiful Valentines Day. The glorious sun returns. I’m getting used to these warmer winters…though they are causing me to enjoy work maybe a bit too much for one’s own good. I have never ...
Sunday Morning Coming Down
I never write in the mornings, though it should be when I do. Instead I usually write after I should have been sleeping for an hour or two, when my brain is as mushy and disassociate as it can be...
The Place That Cannot Be
I’ve been thinking about my first adult job lately. The one I that I acquired in high school, that paid for my first apartment afterwards as well as two full years of moonlighting college courses...
Winter Deepens
What’s important? Where do we go from here? I always had this sense since I was young that the more I thought about things and learned about things the more…horrifying and terriffic the aggregat...
Straight Chillin
Winter, I must say, has been doing me right this year. Mild temperatures, but plenty of that clean freeze blanket covering the bulk of the month. Just the right amount of festive blizzards scatte...
Gently Down The Stream
You ever get smacked in the brain with the sudden clarity of a memory not recalled in years? It happened to me sharply the other day (and also to lesser degrees on the regular), of a particular C...
The Cold Of The Capricorn
These two weeks between new years and my birthday are hard on me. I think I take it out on people around, so I steer clear of folks I know. Makes it harder. It’s tough because the holidays are a ...
The 1878 Christmas Of 2022
I believe that happiness is mostly synthetic, self-generated based on at least partially conscious decisions, but random chance of course plays an unavoidable role- and I’d like to acknowledge ho...
Stupid People
Some old writer philosopher in the 70s, likely jokingly, penned an article to a concept he had cooked up. According to his understanding of the world, there were a number of immutable rules regar...
The Face
You know, I don’t think people like being appreciated for who they “really are” (whoever that is). I think people like being appreciated for the fake persona they put on for the world, even if it...
God Is Never Far Away
“My kill hand tattooed EVIL across his brother’s fist that filthy five, they did nothing to challenge or resist.” I’ve been trying to get my head around the idea that consciousness and individua...
Cozy Fever Time
I’m not sure there’s anything more comforting than the shiny picture on the packet of “sweet dreams” tea. Summer-dusk blue with winking stars and a crescent storybook moon- Sweet Dreams, a calmi...
Come Now Dayspring
Thinking about letting myself get into the christmas spirit tomorrow. Going to go get a tree and get some decorations up. I could have gone without Christmas this year, as I’m not really in the ...
Unity and Division
Though not a pariah by any stretch, there’s never been a time or place that I’ve fit in. Prior to puberty, perhaps, but nowhere in my adult life have I felt a strong sense of belonging with any p...
Narrative
I heard that humans rationalize the world, and their place in it, with narratives. We imagine the greater direction of things as an unfolding story, and separately we imagine our lives as they p...
Politics at the Dinner Table
Made it through Thanksgiving dinner without any political disputes between family members. As we’ve become more ideologically mixed that kind of talk has thankfully died out. My voting habits mig...
Winter Stars
I don’t believe in astrology, but I’ll be fucked if I didn’t feel the moon pull me right outside and down the sidewalk tonight. I had just returned from the grocer and had intended on settling in...
