Entries 279
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I wanna go home
Heard someone say that mid panic attack earlier and it ran me over like a bus. Not just because I knew the home they were talking about was gone, as of last year. Not just because I share ...
The Night Hits Different
There is this long driveway past a couple old apple trees to a tall farmhouse that haunts my memory for some reason. Inside there were a bunch of puppies running around a laundry room with the...
I feel changed by it?
The ice storm was the closest thing to a religious experience that I’ve had in a while. Never seen anything like it. I live in a city, which for all intents and purposes is really just a town, b...
The Storm And Ensuing Darkness
The Nature of Projection
It takes time to make peace with yourself. It’s hard to accept that you’re not a good guy. Or a bad guy. It’s hard to stop punishing yourself for doing bad things, by doing more bad things. ...
Going Driftless
I’m beginning to get that Apocalypse Now eye. Twitchy. Paranoid. Unsure of anything. Not confidant in myself, or anyone. I feel like I aught to wake up. Like the dream has been revealed, and now...
People be unraveling
I have this…friend. “Had” this friend might be a better way to put it. We were extremely close for decades. Met in high school. He reminded me of my Grandpa- very warm, very generous, and we l...
before tiktok, we had the funny papers
I realized the other day how similar my tiktoking mirrors the time I used to spend reading the comics section, back before news consumption happened on the phone- when it still occurred dail...
Hey Gram!
I keep meaning to get out to visit my grandma, but work has been relentless this winter season. I miss her though, and I don’t know how long I have left with her. She’s very old, now my oldest l...
Spent
At some point in the 1930s someone mopped black mastic tar, mostly from recycled tires, across my beautiful old growth wood floors, and parting my planks with this black goo has proven difficult...
Silly Rabbit...
“Advertising is about one thing: happiness.” I was in the tub watching Four Weddings & A Funeral the other day (yet another indictment of the modern dramady) when it was interrupted by a si...
As The Heavens Wheel
Instincts are generational coping mechanisms. Evolution is weaponized scar tissue for the purpose of escaping the trauma that caused it. How many tree frog ancestors were eaten before one beg...
Armor
What sort of armor do you wear, and what buffs do you get from it? If you live in the city, dressing well, or dressing with a specific style, can have various intended effects, not only on one’...
The Angell Farm
Do you ever have out of body experiences? I sometimes find myself telescoping away from myself, figuratively, leaving myself far behind, far below, as a tiny dot- with all of life and humanity a...
Sunday Encouragement
Finally had it with NPR this afternoon after listening to my 731st rerun about the ethical nature of slavery reparations and turned it to Christian NPR, one station up, on the off chance that I ...
Why Did Kids Stop Doing Drugs?
I am currently listening to 3 women on NPR talking about how the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ is ‘overblown,’ why men’s problems are men’s fault, and how they can solve them by becoming more like ...
The Shadow's Mating Trap
Who are we, exactly? Are we who we wish to be? Who we choose to be? Or are we who we don’t wish to be? Who we never chose to be? Jung talks about The Shadow Self. Feral, product of the Id. Eve...
Reality, or Fantasy?
There is a particular plot device in (good) horror scenarios in which the pleasant reality we think we know is actually a fiction disguising a horror, and the goal becomes escape. Movies like 20...
Kind Of Blue
Some mornings, whether or not there’s a reason for it, this long black claw emerges from depths forgotten to lampoon my heart and pull it down, down, down. Maybe there is obvious cause, but some...
I am a crooked man, and I've walked a crooked mile
The stars all winked at me They shouted: child!- Your funeral, my trial. The universe has a lot to answer for. I’m not sure its offerings of sublime beauty make up for the abject horror living ...
The Power Of Beauty
And why Art is more important than Science. There are many different types of Love songs. Love songs about new romance butterflies. Love songs about loss and grief. Love songs about separation ...
Handling Things
It’s interesting, the things we learn about ourselves and the world that we didn’t know we didn’t know. One of those things, for me, was just how easy it is to affect the physical world around u...
Priests and Educators
I can’t stand either of them. Yet I have been forced, mostly against my will, to deal with plenty of both over the course of my life. Something I don’t particularly wish upon anyone. I don’t ...
I Miss Men Like This
That’s my Uncle, one of many, sometime in the 90s. He passed during Covid. There was no funeral or ceremony because his oldest brother (pictured in the back, hugging his own daughter), who w...
Damn your eyes!
Ever take a bite of something and swiftly realize that you can either A) immediately spit it out or B) wage a white knuckled campaign of war against the Puke Gods with every horrific chew, not k...
