Entries 234
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Safe
I wanted to run away to the 4 walls I felt safest in. The 4 walls I felt closest to you in. You’re gone and my walls are being taken from me again. I’m terrified.
Pissed off
I am completely irrationally pissed off at you right now and I cant talk about it or deal with it so I’m just posting this here. You could at least pretend to care. Oh wait, you’re too “busy”.
Darling, sweet lover, won't you help me to recover?
We will work things out because as long as we stay together we will always figure it out. Breathe, It’ll be okay. We have 30 days to find a new place to live and I don’t know how the actual fuc...
The static still cracks in my veins.
I’m not okay. I likely won’t be okay for a long time. I need to breathe. Fuck.
Protip: Don't mess with my Protector.
(Context: someone direct messaged me on kik and has been making me uncomfortable. Will post screenshots later.) “Yep. That’s it. If things go too far, I’m going off on him. I havent gotten to do ...
Fuck this sickness.
Its 2:35 in the morning, I’m completely exhausted. Still sick, going on day 5. Lost count of how many times I’ve run to the bathroom now. And I’m just generally in a bad mood. I want to be so fr...
"...and it felt like a bullet in her heart."
()
Turn me up when you feel low.
You know I’m missing you today. Playing the one song that hurts every time while I’m in Walmart and have to remain composed is just not fucking fair. I miss you.
Stronger forces
In a combination between a very vivid dream and total darkness I forgot where I was for a few seconds when I woke up. It was.... nice. It was terrifying. I like being here because I feel safe wit...
"I am strong. I am wolf."
I took the necessary steps to help a suicidal friend yesterday and then got chewed out by another for “hiding shit” today. I did my fucking best, man.
Late-night Confessions
I keep two articles of clothing on my bed all the time: Ali’s hoodie, Protector’s shirt. Well in all my years of borrowing things that smelled like people nothing has ever retained its scent for...
Why am I awake?
The reason I keep this prosebox is for the same reason I used opendiary before the fallout. I write so that I can look back at who I was and how I was feeling. I write so I remember what was goin...
Too much to ask
I’m sure I’ve heard this song a million times but today it reminds me of you.
Maybe I'll see you again.
Your song is becoming mine and it is really bad for both of us.
Little Things
I had a rough day and I was having a rough night until I woke up and your arm was over me. Just resting on my side. Comfortable. I sleep better with you at my side and you hold me in your sleep. ...
Tonight I'm reaching out to the stars
5.) Black nails, fur and dust covered sketchbook, mirror on its side, leash, sink 4.) Legs asleep, cold linoleum, an intense sense of need, back pain 3.) Kittens eating, space heater, phone keyb...
Small Steps
I brushed the knots out of my very greasy hair. Improvements. Its small but it’s something. I talked to my advisor for almost an hour today about school next semester. I don’t mind the low so ...
Tension
My friends mom is effectively forcing tension between her and I and its seriously pissing me off. We live together and we are about to be working together as well and her mom put the thought in ...
Maintenance
“Treat yourself like one of the things that needs to get done.” “As long as it has nutritional value it counts as food.” Your voice is the one in my head when I catch myself not taking care of m...
Low
Sometimes it doesn’t hit me when I first wake up. Sometimes it waits and then creeps up on my once the conversation goes quiet or the first time I’m alone in a room. Sometimes it comes mid laugh,...
I didn't die.
I’m leaving this disclaimer for my sister because I know she reads these. My house had the stomach flu, do not read this entry. Its TMI anyway. - - - - I have been off and on trying to write an e...
Last stretch home
Out of nowhere I got this dizzy, foggy feeling and I’m breathing fine but it makes the air feel heavy. It’s hard to focus on anything other than my phone or the pain in my back. Signs are blurry....
I should write but I'm afraid.
I have a chance at real, new, and happy… …so why am I so afraid? Why do I want to fall back into old habits? Why isnt this simple? Everything is so goddamned complicated.
November 23
I’m so glad my best friend has found her happy but my God is it hard to watch. I feel so goddamned selfish all the time but fuck am I trying.
Thanksgiving
This year I am grateful that despite all odds, I’m still here. Happy Thanksgiving
Book Description
Hello, All.
My name is Emilie. I’ve moved here from Open Diary and hope to be able to use this as a place to talk. I will write about every day things, thoughts, and things like that. I am going to try to write every day to keep a log of what I’ve done each day, but there are no guarantees. I forget sometimes to keep up with diaries (as anyone who knows me from OD can tell you).
I rarely posted anything that was Friends Only on OpenDiary and I don’t particularly plan to on ProseBox. I will if I need to though.
I’m posting an about me entry so If you would like to know about me, go ahead and read it.
