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so. evan news.
so evan’s angry w/ me. bc um. I have everything and I don’t utilize it. well he’s..........he’s not wrong. [I told him he was when he called me out on it cause it’s what I do and I don’t like bei...
um. wow. but i don't have it.
yeah so I saw Hannah today. we talked about the fact that in the suitcase they found hair i’d kept and now bc of that and bc of the fact that Hannah never seen my hair. and based on what she lear...
gun shots. and yessterday.
so yesterday wasn’t. um it wasn’t great. um............Christopher was being louder than usual throughout the whole day. we think he’s getting worse. had flashbacks during dinner. and also during...
so i talked to my sister today *E*
and now in other news. right so as put I talked to my sister today. she’s been in rehab since. like oct. 2nd or something for those uninformed. she’ll be there until dec. she has a friend laura w...
rich white girl problems health care's effed in this country
Now this isn’t something I talk about, A and 2: it’s not so much a problem for me cause we’ve always had enough. I’ve always had enough to be comfortable financially. so no I don’t know what it’s...
it won't kill me but.......it'll suck. *extremely vague* *ED*
ya know. I don’t think I want to try today. I really don’t. I tried for 3 days [though I don’t feel I did]. i’m irritable. i’m short w/ people. i’m frustrated as hell. and uncomfortable. and i’m ...
um. *extremely vague*
I know i’m only presuming here. but a part of me’s like oh it’s so easy for them to care. but not me. it’s like I actually have to put effort. into caring doesn’t seem like they do. and I don’t e...
so. I’ve known I have ptsd since college. that’s not new. I jut as put didn’t understand all of it until now. if we - we being my last therapist and i - talked about it at all I don’t remember it...
damnit
I had this long insightful intelligent entry typed up then I accidently closed the internet. er I mean the window thing. [‘closed the internet’ ok i’m a bit knackered]. since i’m too knackered to...
depression evan
ssso I’ve been reading over the entries from thissss ssssummer. and. idk. although I care about evan I don’t care as much about him as I used to and I think that’s bc my depression’s worsened but...
sleep depresssion evan
so ever since. idk wed. maybe I’ve had what I refer to as ‘broken sleep’. like on idk wed. I woke up at 7 a.m. then again at 8 maybe 9 then 10...........and then I go back to sleep until um. 3. t...
so I’ve been watching ‘weeds’. online. it’s funny. I stopped watching cause I don’t like season 2 as much as season 1. the mom was saying how something about sometimes she wonders what it’d be li...
so here's what's happened since sept. 25th
i’ll probably be repeating myself here. the 25th was a. thurs. when we had the fire drill yeah that was fun. um.............my mom had a show on sun. the 28th that was nice. and then on wed. the....
sick period sick anxiety
yeah so last wk. started out awesome. I got sick. I think it wasss a cold or something. it lasted until yesterday. then in the middle of the wk. I got my period. and then got sick again. felt bet...
and in related newws. drinking.
so again they know. well Hannah does anyway. and again while I didn’t come right out and say i’m an alcoholic. um. I eluded to it. from what I recall she knows I used to drink a lot and she knows...
so, they know. via elusions.
the other day Hannah and I were talking about drinking and I said something about how a lot of times people do it as a result of. ‘um, trauma’. I didn’t say me but um. that’s pretty much the dire...
he never physically hurt me *SSA*
ya know that’s the weird thing. though. is the last...........the last guy. he never physically hurt me or if he did I was too drunk/stoned to feel it. well I mean the other 2 [the rape from when...
when it happened. *SA* *TW*
so. the. bar...........2 yrs. ago. winter................yeah. I, was drunk. well, i’m, usually drunk at the bar. 2 of my friends bought me a white Russian each. then. I think he [the guy who. di...
halloween
happy belated Halloween.
at least 2x. *TW*
ya know. almost 2 yrs. ago when he...........when it happened he hurt me at least twice. but I mean. it didn’t hurt. at all. he didn’t fully penetr*te me. [that’s not why I took plan b]. I didn’t...
yes but if *I* seduced *him*...... *on SA*
on the last. one. the bar winter..................2 yrs. ago. [well almost]. so the night it happened. 2 yrs. ago when we got back to my place I sseduced him. only to have him........do.............
body memories. and rape.
um so. the body memories were at a 1, 2 for a few days. I’ve had 3. yesterday again I woke up crying and really emotional and over tired. I don’t remember dreaming about the rape but I always hav...
um. deep emotionss.
ya know. copied from my fb: ‘I think that. I want people to be as upset as I am about the things that have happened to me. of course it’s hard when I don’t talk about those things much or when I ...
i couldn't've been.
sso obviously i’m in denial here. whichmy friend didn’t get. I wasn’t raped I couldn’t’ve been. people like me don’t get raped. lovely people don’t get raped. it’s like it didn’t stop my entire w...
pretty girls don't get raped. and hair.
no. they don’t rape you bc you’re pretty. they do it in spite of that. and no one rapes the willing. that’s another thing that makes it what it is. apparently when he and i’d talked about sex I d...
