Entries 516
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This Pregnancy is Not What I Expected
ECV was unsuccessful. Baby is still breech. C-section will be scheduled next week. Mike and my sister said the same thing essentially; “It could be worse.” They could’ve told me they didn’t hear ...
Breech
I went for my standard weekly appointment today and was told out of the blue that the baby is now breech. For the past month the baby was in a head-down position, ready to go. Now all of a sudden...
You Know You May Be a Bad Mother When...
The baby is moving like crazy. It can get frustrating because I’m almost always uncomfortable (and it’s more than a little weird to have something punch or kick you from the inside of your body) ...
Maternity Leave Has Been No Vacation
My last day of work was November 28th. New Jersey, along with California and Rhode Island, is one of three (THREE??!!!) states to offer paid maternity leave. I get 4 weeks prior to my due date an...
Depression
I’ve had diaries since I was a kid, but I have kept up the longest with this one. I started it when I was 18. I recently turned 32. Since my earliest entries I’ve noticed signs of depression and ...
Possibly Fired and Very Terrified
I’m six months pregnant and Im possiblely about to lose my job. It took me so long to get pregnant. Im scared about what this kind of stress is doing to my unborn child. I’m terrified of losing m...
Motherhood versus Career
In other news besides my pregnancy, I will have a new job. I’m a physician assistant (P.A.) in a neurosurgery ICU. I’ve working at my current job for four and a half years. I work three 12-hour s...
Pregnancy Continues to Schlep Along Well
I am about 6/12 months pregnant. I started to feel the baby move about two weeks ago. At first it sort of felt like gas bubbles or something, but soon began to feel like infrequent but distinct s...
Jewish Rant
Disclaimer I am Jewish so any complaints posted are not by an anti-Semite, just a disgruntled Jewish chick. Almost everything in my life, for once, is going the way I want it to. I'm almost 15 w...
This is Really Going to Happen
I’m about thirteen weeks pregnant. The pregnancy is still going fine. My ultrasound on June 2nd and again yesterday show a normal sized fetus with a heartbeat and no gross abnormalities. This may...
Perhaps I Will Not Beat Up a Doctor
Not all doctors are terrible. I went to another office today for an ultrasound appointment. I didn't tell them that I already had a scan. I didn't want them to refuse to see me. The doctor's offi...
So I am having serious thoughts about going into my doctor's office and just start beating up the staff. My first prenatal appointment was a few days ago and the midwife diagnosed me with a yeast...
Heartbeat
I went in for my first ultrasound yesterday. I prepared myself to expect the worst. During my first pregnancy when they finally saw a gestational sac and yolk sac, I was so thrilled. 'It has a ch...
Happy Summer to Us
I'm terrified to write anything because that will acknowledge that this all may be for real and it may be taken away from me. On the flip side if this all goes well I want to document everything....
All Over Again
I'm pregnant again. I don't even know how to feel. I can't go through another miscarriage.
Update
The surgery took place March 14th. I cried my entire way to the operating room. The doctor was really nice though. He tried to keep me talking until I fell asleep. He was really good with updatin...
Surgery #2
Surgery is scheduled for 1:30 tomorrow. It's a form of torture to have it so late in the day. At least with my first surgery I was done by the afternoon. It's the wait just before that kills you....
I Asked For It
I've been begging for an answer and now I have one. It's a nonviable intrauterine pregnancy. I have one more beta hcg level and ultrasound and then I will be scheduled for a D+C. I can't even t...
Terrified
My doctor just called me an hour ago. Apparently the RMA NJ doctors have weekly group meetings and my case was discussed. I am considered an 'abnormal case' and instead of waiting until next Wedn...
Forever in Limbo
Still no answers except that ectopic is pretty much ruled out. My beta hcg went up to 1732 from 1235. Still low side of normal bordering abnormal. The doctor saw a yolk sac on ultrasound. Next ap...
March 5th is the Day
My beta hcg levels rose from 782 to 1235, which is pretty borderline. I have another appointment on Wednesday. Since the doctor thinks he sees a gestational sac in the uterus, a yolk sac should b...
Give Me Answers Or Give Me Prozac
The doctor went from "It's not a viable pregnancy" to "It may be a viable pregnancy, we're not sure." Beta hcg level rose again to 782. We saw a gestational sac in the uterus so ectopic is ruled ...
In Limbo
The betas went from 66 to 54 to 140 to 465. The doctor can't tell me what's going on. This morning he told me the pregnancy is likely not viable. He gave me the option of doing a D+C and if the b...
Fuck You Embryo
I may have an ectopic pregnancy. My beta went from 66 to 54.7 to 140.7 within a week. I was excited when my beta rose this morning -- I thought maybe the first one was a fluke or a lab error. Whe...
My Heart is Breaking
So the IUI wasn't exactly a failure. I did get pregnant but it is likely a chemical pregnancy. I hadn't gotten my period since January 14th and the doctor's office insisted I get a beta hcg prior...
Book Description
I’ve had a diary on OpenDiary.com (aka OD) since 2001. I just found out that the guy who runs the site is shutting it down in less than two weeks. Rather than lose all of my journal entries, which have documented some major milestones, I have moved my diary to Prosebox.
My life isn’t glamorous or original, but my personality is like no other… I’m a PA (Physician Assistant) at a hospital in NJ. I graduated from SUNY-Binghamton, after spending freshman year at Syracuse University. I love art and science; a weird combination, I know, but that’s what makes me so quirky.
The people I mention in my diary are mostly loved ones friends, and several varieties of jerks who have made impressions on me. So here goes…are you ready to enter inside my head?