Entries 516

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I’m pregnant again. I don’t know why, but I had a feeling that I was. I used an old pregnancy test that I had. There was an incredibly faint second line that could only be seen in certain light. ...

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The sheer cost of infertility treatment is absolutely staggering. I live in NJ which is one of 13 states that mandates some sort of infertility coverage and I’m still going to go broke trying to ...

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I went to my old reproductive endocrinologist right before Sam’s first birthday. I wanted to start fertility treatment then because I knew I would have a problem with the second time around. He w...

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It’s funny (but not really) when yoy stop and look at your life and realize you would’ve never thought it would be the way that it is. After 33 years of being a law-abiding citizen I was arrested...

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I’ve been trying to look for a new job. I found one that would basically maintain my current salary and would allow me to work at home. I’ve applied to a few positions in this company and have al...

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One of my first entries has the exact same title but since the feelings I have now are similar to the ones I had then I felt that copying the title was appropriate. I hate feeling jealous, but I ...

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Second month of trying to conceive failed. I know it hasnt been long, but I already went through this for 16 months. I can’t believe I am back in this position again. I want to cry.

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I’m so disappointed in myself for not keeping up with my diary more often. Years from now when I want to look back on this time, there’s going to be these huge gaps. All week is like a rat race o...

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I just was reviewing my work schedule and realized that my job has me scheduled to work New Years Eve and Christmas. I also worked Labor Day, July 4th, and Memorial Day. Apparently, I’m special. ...

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I had my appointment with my old infertility specialist today which I think we both agreed was sort of a waste of time (and a $30 copay). He told me at the end of the visit “You didn’t need to co...

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I have an appointment with my old infertility doctor next Monday. I wan to at least start the process of planning the next baby. The appointment was actually supposed to be today, but there was s...

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I’m a Physician Assistant (PA) and I specifically went into this field because I felt it would give me a better work life balance. For the past 6+ years I’ve busted my behind to build up my caree...

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Mike promised that this time around things won’t be like they’ve been before. I was convinced otherwise. I was looking up how much our home is worth in case we needed to sell. I spoke to a forecl...

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My abdomen feels like a swallowed a bowling ball and it feels like an elephant is standing on my chest. I constantly feel like I have to cry and I’m doing everything I can not to. I spent over a ...

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My husband was fired from his job today. I want to vomit and cry.

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I spoke to Michael about his job situation. For now he’s still employed. He seems to be confident about his ability to get a job. He had several interviews over the past two weeks and another thi...

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I am going to be sick. My husband has informed me (only after I had badgered him) that he will likely lose his job. Again. He was laid off in 2008 during the recession. He and I were about to mov...

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I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve written. Time feels like it’s flying by. Samuel will be four months old next Thursday. I love this little boy with everything that I am. I look at pas...

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Life is far from perfect and I still stressed out and sleep deprived, but it’s manageable. My son is doing well. Born at 7 lbs 10 oz and at his six week check up he’s 10 lbs 4 ozs. He’s a bit on ...

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I cannot see why a woman would choose to have more than one child. I live my day in 45 minute - 2 hour (if I’m lucky) increments. I am trying to manage on 4 - 5 hours of interrupted sleep. I don’...

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The baby has been up since 6pm crying. I’ve fed him for hours, changed diapers, swaddled, rocked, cooed and cuddled. Mike and I are fighting because he can’t comfort or feed him and he feels usel...

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I’ve always found it interesting how I can tell strangers over the Internet my deepest feelings, but can’t always do the same around my loved ones. I had my OBGYN follow up appoinent today. I was...

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When I would hear about postpartum depression used to feel confusion and condescension toward the women who complained about this ‘disease.’ I understand the crippling effects of anxiety and depr...

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I’m officially a mother!!!! My son decided not to wait for his elective c-section tomorrow. My water broke at about 3:15 this morning. I called the doctor on-call for the OBGYN practice who told ...

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My c-section is scheduled for 12/26. I’m glad it won’t be on 12/24 which was a possibility because I’ll be exactly 39 weeks then. As someone who works in a hospital I can tell you that complicati...

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