Random Thoughts
by carmentheblue
Entries 195
Page 8 of 8
I want you
Often my titles are lyrics or song titles. Sometimes they have relevance to my topic. Currently i am listening to a couple albums that have had significant emotional significance in the past- mo...
Free until they cut me down
Yesterday was hard. Coming to work, i felt like a big open wound, as if anything was going to make me break down, fall apart. On top of the intense counseling on Tuesday, my sleep has been poor. ...
On the lighter side
I know my last entry was a bit heavy. To balance it out, I have news: I am traveling to Turkey this summer! It has been on my list of destinations for years! I am adventurous, but have been afra...
Processing
Not much time to write, since i have a grade level chair meeting this morning at 7:30. I had a pretty intense counseling session yesterday. It left me shaky. I have to leave in a minute, but want...
Vulnerability and Trust
“..... keep telling us that they’re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it’s hard! Especially when it’s something they might not want to hear.” I took that from a website i am perusi...
It wasn't me
I had some odd dreams over the weekend. First: i can face my soul in the end.... can you? Second: police abuse of power (i had two drinks last night, how can my blood alcohol be enough to hold m...
The strength to release control
I may or may not make sense as i talk. Lately an amorphous “emotion” or set of emotions have been building up inside of me. I have tried to sit with it (but that is always hard, because one wants...
Out of the blue/Into the black
Monday back from school was tough. I couldn’t sleep well that night because my stomach was full from taking myself out for a nice dinner in Portland. I was emotionally raw and paranoid and anxiou...
Do you want respect, or do you want truth?
With spring break coming to an end, I am: -grateful -anxious -sad -confused -satisfied .............on a precipice......... looking everywhere, but somewhat bemused by gazing downward. You know, ...
Guilty
I know shouldn’t feel this way, but I do. I feel guilty because I am going to Eugene to get pedicures with a friend and to enjoy myself and get treated well by someone who appreciates me. I did ...
Atmosphere
The soundtrack to the past couple weeks has been a Minneapolis based alt-hip hop band, Atmosphere. This album is permeating my dreams and seeped into my brain cells as i accomplish day-to-day act...
Title Here
There is not a lot to say, except that i want to write. Maybe i will come back when i have a few. Get some relief. Cry a little.... which is something i have not done much of. I feel like i cried...
Trust
Kevin is still living with me and it has been a little strange. He is currently saving money to move, even though we haven’t spoken about what his plans are and what his timeline looks like. But,...
Today is whatever i want it to mean/changes
A part of the self care i promised with my therapist and self, was to write more often. So, changes are a-comin’. My application for Bellingham schools is 100% complete. I am excitedly looking f...
With a glacier's patience/devastation and regeneration
I have decided to move back to Bellingham, which means leaving Kevin. I have never felt such a dichotomy of lightness of being and happiness, along with a dread of impending devastation. I know t...
I will follow my heart
It may be a difficult path, but it will happen.
Here
I have been home a little less than a week. School has started and i am teaching. Home life has been difficult, my mind and heart are in tumult. I made the poor decision to skim through my old ...
I need this
There is so much to say, and journaling is the only way I have ever been able to get it all out. I don’t even know how to start. I came back to bellingham because it has been a while. I also ha...
Coincidence
I will give this place a try. I had been posting in OD sparingly lately, with wishes to post more. Perhaps i will tell a little story. A few weeks ago i drove to Port Townsend, WA for an annual ...
Can we import OD entries?
So much of my heart and soul was poured into OpenDiary. I have downloaded all 10 years of it, but i wonder whether i can import them to prosebox?
Book Description
Who knows?