Random Thoughts
by carmentheblue
Entries 195
Page 7 of 8
Ya gotta have faith
Greetings from Izmir, Turkey My mantra: Have faith Trust No need for control Listen and pay attention Communicate and open up Those cards don’t need to be held so close, it is ok to share. I am...
Frust
rated I spent all of yesterday working building a schedule for all the 5th-8th grade students who come to the resource room for special education services- all based on what i thought was the mos...
Perseveration
I’d kind of forgotten one of my internal ‘quirks’. Or, more to the point, one of those areas I need to bring up in counseling as part of my communication issues. I was going to add this to my ent...
Dither
I think i have it together for my trip to Turkey and Greece. Since i have traveled abroad before- for 3 and 6 week increments- i am fairly confident about packing. Unfortunately, i had a scare a...
Sharing
I have been sharing my different counseling homeworks with Dios. Last night he said to me, amidst amorous activities, that he wanted his good girl (that’s me!) to learn to share what I want. Th...
I can't make you love me
I am sitting at work listening to a Bonnie Raitt youtube channel (hence the title to this entry). So… two entries in one day. I don’t even know what’s going on. All those jumbles of emotions are ...
Morning
I started my day well rested. I love early mornings where i have the world to myself. My brain is at its best during these times and i find peace in a quiet space. My alarm wakes me each weekday ...
Goal
I forgot to write my goal from counseling. I also want to update when I am approached this goal. My job is to recognize when I get that anxiety feeling in relation to communication. When I am req...
Who can deny the power of laughing
For a while i had to take a break from the band “The xx.” A couple weeks went by in which all i did was listen to them in my classroom on youtube. Today i brought them back. It’s been a simulacr...
RIP Cousin
I moved to Vancouver, WA almost 3 years ago and learned that i had family from this area. One member in particular was my cousin Paul (cousin of my dad and uncles). Paul ended up in prison for mo...
Questions, OD style
Tee-hee, i feel like i am 10 or more years younger and back in college in Bellingham when i post any type of survey. I may adjust some of the questions: What do you want to accomplish the most? ...
asking for/saying no to
Kevin and i tried to practice this when we were going to counseling. It was an exercise to try and work ourselves into being able to have the difficult conversations without judgement and turning...
This field is required
For some reason i am reminded of a very stressful time in my life as a teacher in this specific classroom. My first year teaching here i was part time and my classroom was on a stage. My second y...
Transformation
I have been making changes around the house, trying to take back my life. I find joy in small changes. (mayhaps I have already covered this territory) Cooking whole wheat pasta Leaving the dish...
No title
I sit here in ththe lobby of the medical center where I attend counseling. I missed my session today, it was an hour earlier than I thought. Well, actually I thought next week’s session was the ...
I havent been doing my homework
I was supposed to do some homework for counseling. I did, a little. But, like i usually feel when i don’t know what’s expected of me..... i am incredibly anxious about this assignment. In my prev...
A list or, in other words, a narrative
So, i sit here while my poor students are taking the dreaded state test. Most are have a very long ways to go before they are done. I feel for them. You would be surprised at how stressed out the...
What i want/i know i cant fix everything
Today in counseling we talked about what it means to be in “emotional control” and what it would look like if i were not in control. The truth is, i cannot really articulate it. I have never had ...
Remember
I had a rideshare for my trip to and from the hotsprings this weekend. It was a nice kick in for gas money, plus we got along famously. While we were talking and sharing our (oh-so) similar life ...
My Mantra
I love myself unconditionally. I will be free from the emotional walls and patterns that have served me in the past, but are no longer useful. I love myself unconditionally. I do not need the con...
Gone/I love myself unconditionally
I spent two nights at a wonderful piece of hippie heaven, Breitenbush hot springs. It is the same place I visited right after I broke up with Kevin. Synchronously, I came home from my second visi...
Are you stupid or something?!?
Can you imagine that a person would say this to someone they love? I know it is out of context, but i am not sure whether it is ever acceptable. I am going to recount a conversation (fight?) Kevi...
That’s it. Part of it, at least. I have this hyper self awareness. I know myself very, very well. The reasons why, the triggers, motivations, consequences. Etc etc. My counselor mentioned that so...
I will try
I am going to try and write an entry, but i am not sure i can get much out. I had another intense counseling session, though i am not as emotionally devastated as i was previously. Still, we are ...
no regret
I am laying here on my tummy, listening to Kevin make spaghetti for dinner. I will never regret leaving the tense atmosphere and negativity. I came back from picking up coffee and the music was ...
Book Description
Who knows?