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Random Thoughts

by carmentheblue

Entries 195

Page 7 of 8

June 26, 2015

Ya gotta have faith

Greetings from Izmir, Turkey My mantra: Have faith Trust No need for control Listen and pay attention Communicate and open up Those cards don’t need to be held so close, it is ok to share. I am...


June 15, 2015

Frust

rated I spent all of yesterday working building a schedule for all the 5th-8th grade students who come to the resource room for special education services- all based on what i thought was the mos...


June 14, 2015

Perseveration

I’d kind of forgotten one of my internal ‘quirks’. Or, more to the point, one of those areas I need to bring up in counseling as part of my communication issues. I was going to add this to my ent...


June 09, 2015

Dither

I think i have it together for my trip to Turkey and Greece. Since i have traveled abroad before- for 3 and 6 week increments- i am fairly confident about packing. Unfortunately, i had a scare a...


June 07, 2015

Sharing

I have been sharing my different counseling homeworks with Dios. Last night he said to me, amidst amorous activities, that he wanted his good girl (that’s me!) to learn to share what I want. Th...


June 04, 2015

I can't make you love me

I am sitting at work listening to a Bonnie Raitt youtube channel (hence the title to this entry). So… two entries in one day. I don’t even know what’s going on. All those jumbles of emotions are ...


June 04, 2015

Morning

I started my day well rested. I love early mornings where i have the world to myself. My brain is at its best during these times and i find peace in a quiet space. My alarm wakes me each weekday ...


June 04, 2015

Goal

I forgot to write my goal from counseling. I also want to update when I am approached this goal. My job is to recognize when I get that anxiety feeling in relation to communication. When I am req...


For a while i had to take a break from the band “The xx.” A couple weeks went by in which all i did was listen to them in my classroom on youtube. Today i brought them back. It’s been a simulacr...


May 28, 2015

RIP Cousin

I moved to Vancouver, WA almost 3 years ago and learned that i had family from this area. One member in particular was my cousin Paul (cousin of my dad and uncles). Paul ended up in prison for mo...


May 21, 2015

Questions, OD style

Tee-hee, i feel like i am 10 or more years younger and back in college in Bellingham when i post any type of survey. I may adjust some of the questions: What do you want to accomplish the most? ...


Kevin and i tried to practice this when we were going to counseling. It was an exercise to try and work ourselves into being able to have the difficult conversations without judgement and turning...


May 19, 2015

This field is required

For some reason i am reminded of a very stressful time in my life as a teacher in this specific classroom. My first year teaching here i was part time and my classroom was on a stage. My second y...


May 17, 2015

Transformation

I have been making changes around the house, trying to take back my life. I find joy in small changes. (mayhaps I have already covered this territory) Cooking whole wheat pasta Leaving the dish...


May 13, 2015

No title

I sit here in ththe lobby of the medical center where I attend counseling. I missed my session today, it was an hour earlier than I thought. Well, actually I thought next week’s session was the ...


I was supposed to do some homework for counseling. I did, a little. But, like i usually feel when i don’t know what’s expected of me..... i am incredibly anxious about this assignment. In my prev...


So, i sit here while my poor students are taking the dreaded state test. Most are have a very long ways to go before they are done. I feel for them. You would be surprised at how stressed out the...


Today in counseling we talked about what it means to be in “emotional control” and what it would look like if i were not in control. The truth is, i cannot really articulate it. I have never had ...


May 04, 2015

Remember

I had a rideshare for my trip to and from the hotsprings this weekend. It was a nice kick in for gas money, plus we got along famously. While we were talking and sharing our (oh-so) similar life ...


May 04, 2015

My Mantra

I love myself unconditionally. I will be free from the emotional walls and patterns that have served me in the past, but are no longer useful. I love myself unconditionally. I do not need the con...


I spent two nights at a wonderful piece of hippie heaven, Breitenbush hot springs. It is the same place I visited right after I broke up with Kevin. Synchronously, I came home from my second visi...


Can you imagine that a person would say this to someone they love? I know it is out of context, but i am not sure whether it is ever acceptable. I am going to recount a conversation (fight?) Kevi...


That’s it. Part of it, at least. I have this hyper self awareness. I know myself very, very well. The reasons why, the triggers, motivations, consequences. Etc etc. My counselor mentioned that so...


April 29, 2015

I will try

I am going to try and write an entry, but i am not sure i can get much out. I had another intense counseling session, though i am not as emotionally devastated as i was previously. Still, we are ...


April 25, 2015

no regret

I am laying here on my tummy, listening to Kevin make spaghetti for dinner. I will never regret leaving the tense atmosphere and negativity. I came back from picking up coffee and the music was ...


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