Entries 195
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IFS
Here I am, naming/talking about my parts. Fighter/helper/manager- right shoulder, made me feel happy like i was being taken care of, wanted to punch and push away Manager- takes over in situatio...
spontaneous
Here I am, trying out a semi-regular post. I think i’ve been feeling the wellbutrin. My sleep is heavier. I feel a little more centered. Today I have a headache, all day. Also, i feel sick, so th...
wellbutrin
I’m trying my first pharmacological intervention. Last night I took my first (low) dose. The dr is starting my off slowly. It’s an anx/dep med but mostly i am using it for my ADD-like symptoms. T...
fear, excuses, and truth
I have so much to say and have not been making the time to write (which is one of the most therapeutic activities). I will try, though. Recently little river and i went to a hippie gathering, ma...
for the sake of
Working part time has been great, despite the halved wage. Luckily I had some savings to booster this year. By the time one year has passed, I will have survived off 45K plus (mostly likely) all ...
fairy godmother
i’m stealing a bit i saw from the front page- fairy godmother comes and gives you the perfect day. Mine involves hot springs, the mountains, snow, quiet, yoga, massage, meditation, knitting, read...
RAIN
Oh acronyms, how do you feel about dark mornings at 6am. Have you a preference for when your helpful light shines? Ever since coming back from Mexico Ive been going to sleep early (8pm hour) and ...
back to the foundations
I am enjoying time to myself. Though, as part of the anxiety, I keep thinking about what i could or should be doing. So many things in the house beyond the cleaning, but cleaning does take most o...
Anxiety
It’s been so long since I have written, I might not even know how to write. Funny to think that I have been doing this online journal thing since opendiary and livejournal. The last two years ha...
can i live on less
this has been on my mind since the disaster of last school year. Can i take a different job and make less money? I don’t think i can be a solo parent and teach at the same time. At least not whi...
It's been a year...
Not surprisingly, i haven’t written in a while. I actually did not write one entry the whole of last school year’s debacle. It was rough. I seriously considered just quitting or changing jobs. Th...
Faces in the window
The other night a prowler came around to the back of my house and i saw their face in the french doors of my bedroom. I was feeding the baby at about 10pm. It scared me. The police came and looke...
Heartbreak contained
Five years ago i was on the island of Santorini, Greece. Some years before that, it was Oaxaca. I loved both. Today i have a beautiful, happy baby one week away from being 4 months old. I just do...
investigation
ive been waiting to have a moment to write. most of my moments, when i don’t have the baby in had, is performing necessities to keep life going- laundry, dishes, showering, etc. my resilience has...
Complicated
I’ve had a complicated relationship with one of my partners, L, for quite a while. We first realized our attraction to one another almost a year ago, after a few summer dates between busy schedu...
Words
I need to put words to what’s going on. I am thinking perhaps it will be in letter style, but unsent. For now, images. Haunted words, it seems You whispered to me, so close as we lay in bed, “We ...
With a quickness
Many years ago when Opendiary was in it’s original existence, i had an OD friend who used this phrase (with a quickness) and i loooooved it. I really appreciate a good turn of phrase. A highschoo...
Investigating automatic assumptions
and recurring stories (those pesky ways that life seems to play out all the time, you know when you tell yourself, this always happens) Another week of school left. Yikes. Generally there are thr...
Mantram
May I be safe and free from harm May I be at ease in the mind and comfortable in the body May I live in peace May I investigate automatic assumptions and recurring stories May adverse experiences...
Four years/not nearly enough
Looks like on this day, four years in a row i am posting an entry. 2018 has brought a lot of activity in my life, but not a lot of writing. In the past that meant i was not reflecting as much as ...
Good Grief
I can’t get this song out of my head. I am excited to see this artist, Dessa, in a couple weekends. The album, Chime, is my new favorite. I can’t wait to delve into her previous albums.
Dear So-and-So
My heart is pounding and my breath is shallow. My body’s reaction to actually responding to the dramatic message i got last week. It took me a while to process it, move on from being hurt, and op...
Process
I am going to process an experience here, on this frozen snow day, a day home in which i have been doing dishes, laundry, bits of knitting. It is amazing how one emotional punch makes me feel so ...
investigation
Last meeting with my therapist (two weeks ago, last Saturday i was in CA with family helping with my grandpa’s estate) i learned that i have a diagnosis. Of course, i needed one for my (generous,...
equanimity
You’d think that with 2 weeks off i would have found time to write. I had relatively few days to just relax. My grandpa died, so most of the time (last week) i had slated for relaxing or doing c...
Book Description
Who knows?
