Entries 26

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Grief is hard. I know there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but I feel like I’m failing. I’m having trouble processing that my dad is actually gone. We went long stretches without seeing o...

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The funeral was today. Dad was cremated, so no viewing. We came to find out he may have been deceased for longer than we were initially told. His last outgoing phone call was on the 13th. His bo...

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My dad died. I knew it would be sooner rather than later, but it was still sudden and unexpected. Rob and I had been visiting his family 13 hours away when I got the phone call. His neighbors ha...

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I was almost 14 years old when I got my first computer. It opened up a whole new world to me, a young teen in the very late 90’s. It was a time when chatrooms were popular and plentiful. I immedi...

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Spend less. Save more. Take shit from no one. Do better.

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I’m 38 years old and I’m having a midlife crisis. I don’t fucking know who I am or what I’m doing. I’ve been a mom half of my life and as my daughter is growing into her own, I am completely lost...

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Being the mom of a young adult has proved harder for me than any other stage of my daughter’s life. She is a month shy of 19, and legally an adult. When I was her age I was pregnant with her and ...

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The last couple months have been a total shit show. In October my dad was hospitalized for congestive heart failure. My parents are divorced, and my brother is pretty much useless. So, everythin...

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The pain got worse and so I drive myself to the ER this afternoon. After almost 5 hours (most of it spent waiting for test results), they told me I have diverticulitis. Infected pockets in my col...

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Cancer. I’ve had it twice before. Low malignant potential epithelial tumors. They took my ability to have more children. When the second tumor was found 7 years after the first was removed, I mad...

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This will probably be a cluster, but my feelings are all over the place right now. I feel disgusted with America. I can’t believe the events of Wednesday. Cannot believe it. The disrespect for o...

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I’m tired. I’m just so very tired. I am struggling so much lately with my lack of purpose. Yes, I am a wife and mother and there is purpose in that, but it’s just not enough. I have nothing to g...

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I miss Open Diary so much. I know it’s still around and I could pay to rejoin, but it wouldn’t be the same. I miss the sense of community. I miss the feeling of a safe place to share my thoughts ...

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I can’t even describe how I feel lately. Maybe, mostly numb with bouts of anger. This year has been total shit but somehow I’ve managed to keep it together and not spend most days in bed trying n...

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I’ve slipped into this stage of my life where I often feel as though I am reverse parenting. I’m a parent to my daughter, of course, but I now find myself mothering my own mother. It is difficult...

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I learned today that I am a Highly Sensitive Person. It’s not a disorder, but simply a personality trait found in about 20% of people. Our brains work differently and we seem to over process stim...

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I’m so tired of dealing with anxiety. A constant weight on my chest, a knot in my stomach, the same worrying thoughts that repeat themselves continuously throughout the day. It takes up all of my...

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I’m currently sitting in my grandmother’s chair as she is curled up in her bed and slipping away from this world. The last month has gone fast and brought an unexpected deterioration, with the pa...

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There’s so much I could write about. But when I start to think of it all, it becomes overwhelming and I can’t do it. So here’s the short of it. About 18 months ago Rob lost his job. During his st...

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Depression fucking sucks. I recall one other instance in my life when I was this bad. It was about 4 years ago. This feels even worse though. I’m pushing myself to do things because it’s supposed...

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My heart is aching right now. The person I’ve considered my best friend for several years has been very distant for several months. We’ve had some issues, but she isn’t one to talk things out, b...

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I’m overwhelmed with sadness right now. I’ve been thinking about friends. One in particular is in the process of pushing herself away from me. It’s heartbreaking. The worst part is that she’s do...

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This has been the worst year of my life, truly. *January: Things are good. I start school again to pursue a degree in office admin. I’m optimistic. *February: the kid started having mysterious st...

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I've never let the death of a celebrity tear me up like this one has. I didn't know him, but it sure felt like I did. I grew up watching his movies and he made me laugh like no other, and I guess...

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I just don't know who I am right now. I'm constantly moody. Everyone makes me angry, even the people that I love. I feel like everyone is hiding their true opinions of me. Like there's this big s...

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