Entries 129
Page 3 of 6
no thank you
The last week was pretty much dominated by starting my new job and dodging M’s mood throughout the week. And then the weekend arrived and we settled into our usual, happier, pattern. Happier bein...
Therapy to the rescue
It was convenient that I had therapy the day after the conversation with Red. Tina helped me dig deeper into my experience of the situation and underlying issues. She showed me how my past trauma...
This Old Lady Body
Oof. I’m back to the gym this week. Just trying to ignore the fucking headache I’ve had since yesterday morning. I’m so tired, and my sore legs make moving both difficult and painful. Wah. I woul...
friendship, effort, and perspective
I wish I’d written this earlier, but it’s something that has been rattling around my brain since my last therapy session. We talked about how I lost myself during the pandemic, how I lost my soci...
finding words
I’m so tired, haha. I said I was going to write more often, so here I am. I don’t know if anyone else is feeling this, but I really want to start Christmas early. And now that I’ve typed that, I...
It has been a while
I meant to write. I’ve had a weird paralysis about writing. It started when I was home, I get annoyed always having to explain relationships assuming that a new reader is reading, I need to stop ...
I *actually never* expected this to happen.
Wow… where to start… I guess because I don’t want to be click-baity and bury the lead, my mom, my sister and I had a genuine conversation where we talked about our history, aired some long held ...
A. Night.
Tonight was our weekly craft night, and it kind of started off on the wrong foot. One of the women, let’s call her Lilly, She has such a calm quiet energy and I don’t know why but it makes me fee...
What if I just *accepted myself*?
This is a question my psychologist suggested I ponder. That was two weeks ago. I’ve thought about the task, but I keep getting stuck. Part of it is an excuse - but I want to change! But I believe...
unmasking
I have thought a lot about unmasking in the last year. It started back in Wpg when I saw a series of “challenge” TikToks of people “unmasking”. To the untrained eye it legit just looked like some...
I have been thinking
I feel like pieces of my insides are like a jenga set, but instead of taking order and making it chaos until it collapses, I feel like the opposite is happening. The chaos is becoming organized, ...
do better
Well… I went to see the Barbie movie. I was originally torn about it, until the hype reached my peers, and I reconsidered the last 30 odd years of feeling bad for my Barbie loving past. I was a ...
a conversation
After the session I texted my sister e: I wonder what it means when told by your therapist to think of a place of comfort and you think of your spouse and start to cry. And then immediately stop ...
l lost the real entry. You get this shit instead.
I came here to write about my mood, my first EMDR session, and then get into birthday stuff… Instead, in trying to copy/paste a too-long excerpt I ended up somehow writing over the entire length...
exhausted
It’s hard to keep everything front of mind, and not let this brain of mine run with the bullshit it makes up. I have been hyper emotional lately, and there’s a few good reasons for it, but instea...
therapy
I saw Tina again. I say Tina with a hint of disrespect, but it isn’t warranted, just my own stupid bias. I really would like to call her Dr. LastName, but she’s a hyphenate and that makes me craz...
Suurrrrveeeeyyy
I stole this from Midorinokaeru aaaages ago, it’s been sitting in my drafts for a while. Answers were updated to today. I reserve the right to delete stupid fucking questions. Life Goal: Love as...
Personality
I’ve been feeling quite low since the thunderstorm. It feels unnatural, uninstigated. There’s been a buzzing in my core that feels like anxiety, but I have no idea what I’m feeling anxious about....
irrational
Many years ago, 2012 I think, I had an encounter in a gravel pit with a growling Rottweiler. I screamed bloody murder for help as it advanced on me. I was barefoot, with floppy summer shoes in ha...
brain dump
As much as I have been seeking, I have been avoiding. The fact that I don’t write with any regularity tells me this is true. I have no excuse - I need no excuse - I’ve just been over here doing l...
new meds
So I’ve been on Guanfacine for about 2 weeks, and I think I notice some changes. First of all, I’m sleeping like the dead. I am a rare ADHDer who doesn’t have a co-morbid sleep disorder. I’ve sle...
never-ending
My boss is a fucking gem. I swear every other interaction with him works to restore my hope for a career in this organization. Today he was talking to a coworker about their fucked up promotion/...
Thank you
M has been discharged!!! I was not thinking it was going to happen, he had IV meds when I got there at 8. But after they kicked in he ate his breakfast unassisted, walked around the room, we had ...
comonnn discharge!
I seriously doubt it will happen, but today was a much better day and the doc implied that M could leave tomorrow. There’s two stages that I think are confusing people in my previous entry. When...
day 2 of this fresh hell
Man, if I’d written this when I came back from lunch it’d be a completely different entry. He was so lucid! We had a pretty good conversation. We chatted with nurses and the doc. Things were look...
Book Description
Pretty self-explanatory