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Feeling some hard feelings this evening. This week has been a fucking roller-coaster. Monday I was late for gym class so I went for a walk along the trail by work. I’d forgotten that there was ...

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I have spent so long avoiding being in my own head, or being trapped there with impulsive or obsessive thinking, that I forgot that it’s a place that I like to be. I’ve been finding it boring t...

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Things have been so normal. I go to work (the least normal part of my life, and the thing I need to change the most), I come home, M and I make dinner together, we eat, we watch shows, he reads,...

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I just realized it’s not Sunday today, but Monday. M and I took today off, it’s our last leave day of the year, which gives me some anxiety about making it to April when our leave days reset. I ...

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I really need to stop leaving writing for Sunday night after 9pm. I’m tired and my brain straight refuses to recall a single thing of note. I have not been doing well with this whole no-buy yea...

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My family lost its matriarch, again. We lost my Gran December 2022, and her sister passed this morning. This means my mom’s older sister is now the matriarch. Long may she reign. My great aunt ...

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The dumpster fire that is our world is taking up so much mental space. Everyone is worried, it doesn’t matter what side of the border you’re on. I am so sad for the average American. But I’m PIS...

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… to say I have a good life. I want to be more pragmatic about my work. Acknowledge the means-to-an-end that it really is. I do what I do because it provides stability I was unable to find elsew...

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Getting really sick of my shit. I had three headaches this week. That’s unusual even for me. I’m also getting random pain in my shoulder, that I’m 98% sure is referred pain from my neck. Several...

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I’m doing all the right things, and yet I still feel stuck. Last week was a hard one, and for no good reason. Monday I went to the gym, didn’t get the usual exercise induced headache, but ended...

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I’m cleaning the slate. I’m not using my usual template for Resolutions this year. Buy Nothing Year - The crux of it is wanting a barrier between me and spending. I’ve been watching/reading Bu...

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I have been doing this same survey since 2014, but since I jumped journals I don’t have the full archive anymore. 2022 2023 What did you do in 2024 that you’d never done before? Context matter...

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When I saw my doc on the 6th and told her how I’ve been feeling, she looked surprised, almost shocked. Not wanting to die and not thinking about other people dying constantly has entirely change...

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Hyperfixating on people is awful. I honestly don’t know how to tell a crush from a hyperfixation, until it wears off. I’ve maintained crushes for decades, but a hyperfocus on a person dissolves ...

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I’m in a fractionally better headspace this week, though that might tank since M is gone for a week for testing again. He’s positive he’s going to fail. We were talking about this, this evening,...

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Well, this seems to be a pattern. When I am actively trying to give my brain some distance from work I can’t write. On Thursday I went to the gym, then I went to talk to the PA. She was nice, g...

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Oooh boy yesterday was a doozy. On my way to the gym I called for a walk in appointment with our health services folks. After the gym a mental health nurse called me to assess… I guess my leve...

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I got written up. I’m not even going to try to say it was not justified. There are aspects that they are 100% correct about. But they also put in the part about m...

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Like, not ill. Like something is eating away at me from the inside. Like a vague nausea. Like anxiety and depression and hopelessness and ungratefulness and rage and this desperate aching desir...

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I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. My brain has been fighting me on everything. I went back to work after our little anniversary extended long weekend to find out that I was put on a t...

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Last Saturday was our 10th wedding anniversary. We usually take some time off around the holiday, and we do try to do a little trip (we’ve done St. John’s and Toronto, and I feel like there’s an...

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My Godmother died October 1st, at about 9am. Her friend J was with her in the end, and J kept my sister informed as things happened. I didn’t feel anything except vague relief. That’s not enti...

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TW: palliative care What Sarah Said About two weeks ago, my Godmother was admitted to the hospital with a mystery chest infection. Now, the back story is that my Godmother has had MS as long a...

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I have written about my problem with disappointing birthdays before. So when we started planning a trip to the Island with mom for the weekend of my birthday I was worried that I would find “my ...

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If I didn’t work… I sat with that sentence for some time. I had started to say, “If I didn’t work, my life would be better”. But when I typed the word “work”, my brain interjected “for my emplo...

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