Public

A transparent lockbox

by whwhatever

Entries 46

Page 2 of 2

December 24, 2023

In the mall

Something has reignited in me after years, suddenly I can’t help but to begin writing creatively again. Maybe it is due to the frequent journaling that has allowed my thoughts to breathe and refo...


December 20, 2023

As a fetish

Recently something has been brought to my attention. My appearance is androgynous, it isn’t something that I consciously fostered, it is just what I’m drawn to I guess. There have just been more ...


December 18, 2023

Questionable Desire

I’ve made it through so much of my life being quiet and unrecognizable, but suddenly for the first time in my life, I have the desire to be known. Just for my peers to see who I am I guess, and t...


December 11, 2023

Hypersensitivity

I feel so abruptly raw sometimes. When I touch the cloth and the fabrics I feel like it becomes part of me, and I feel each microscopic texture that is on it. When the wind is howling in this dis...


December 08, 2023

Blue November, Mindless Hunger

Whenever I go to the city, I worry that I will run into the only guy I ever thought I liked. If we are being honest, he’s a guy I didn’t know very well. We talked every day for a month and a half...


December 06, 2023

Fragility

Something I am always trying to understand is the depth of my emotional vulnerability. So many times, I feel so fragile and like I can be seen through, but it’s only within my own little world. W...


December 06, 2023

Rusting Gold

Everything seems so amazing when it’s new and fresh. Living alone, making your own money, entering a new part of the world socially, but it all can fall quickly. There’s this side of life where y...


December 05, 2023

Identity loss

So much of my identity growing up was defined by being different. It wasn’t intentional. It was just because I lacked so much of the desire that others my age had. I despised all forms of parties...


November 21, 2023

Evolutionary Response?

Why is it that sometimes when we are confronted with emotionally challenging and frankly depressing situations, we can feel amazing initially? Like in a situation where you are told you aren’t go...


November 19, 2023

Again

I’m unsure why I repeat the same things that always finish the same way. Except I do know, but it seems endlessly impossible to resist for longer than months. I find I want to connect with people...


November 02, 2023

For all that I am

I’m unsure why, but repeatedly I put myself in situations that invoke nothing but boredom. I find myself chronically dissatisfied with the things that should be guilty pleasures, but from them I ...


October 31, 2023

wit

I have been going through a time of new self-respect and defining what is important to me. There’s this idea that has been drifting around in my head about how finite everything is, our wit, beau...


October 23, 2023

A new question.

There is this question that springs into my head at least once a day, at this point it could likely be considered a compulsion. “What if all I leave myself is my sadness?”, I’m not even certain w...


October 22, 2023

losing

I’m in an interesting place right now, perhaps an unstable one. More and more, I’m able to see the roots of my problems and faults. There are these familiar ties of overindulgence, pride, and mis...


September 17, 2023

burnout

How much of myself have I sold? When did the flame turn to ash? I can’t help but feel hollow behind my eyes, like a vacant and decaying house. How did I tire myself to this point? I worked too ha...


September 16, 2023

Thinking about it

I’m unsure why, but I can’t help but think of you all these years later. When I read the news for your area, I’m always afraid the car crash victim might be you, I worry about your house in the s...


July 25, 2022

It’s Sunday

Found out you mostly want me for my body, found out it’s not worth the worry. You treat me like you need me, pretend that you breathe me, then set yourself free. I’ve learned to let it go a while...


June 28, 2022

well

I don”t know if you think about me anymore, but whenever I get drunk I think about you. I think you were my first heartbreak. It is really difficult for me to feel close to people and to actually...


June 13, 2022

The Irony

You came to me in a dream, and asked “do you ever dream of me?”, and I said no, but the truth is rarely. There are times I thought I was missing you, but to be honest I’m doing much better and am...


April 17, 2022

I dreamt about you

You had my dream dogs and they found their way to my house with you chasing them, but I was okay with letting you all go, cause I knew it was right for all of us combined. It was a redesign of ou...


April 10, 2022

There's a man

There’s a man I could have loved. He wouldn’t let me in, I couldn’t let him win. I rescinded all my care, I left with no trace. I’d always hoped he’d chase me if I needed him to, but I was left b...


Book Description

just thoughts that are meant for me, that I want to share