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Lung issues & writing
I apologize for disappearing, I’ve been very sick for the past few weeks. The doctors are sending me a inhaler which is nice, my mom swears I have a lung infection. Idk. Finals are next week, I’m...
I'm his drug apparently
When he said this I found it nice. Today was okay, I guess I shouldn’t refer to him as a animal anymore. Uh I guess I’ll call him JK since I’ve used J before for Joseph. JK is nice I guess. I f...
Sleeping Pills
Today was something. My brother humiliated me in public again. I don’t have any energy as I write this tonight. I feel so alone, so done with the world over school and family and struggles to get...
Update before Thanksgiving
I haven’t been updating or writing much due to school. I have been trying to keep my grades stable, I need to contact my professor about my family printer having no ink. My break starts soon and ...
Almost taken to the ER
I passed out a few times and slammed my head into the ground the last time. My younger brother who I don’t mention alot due to his privacy and the fact when this diary started he was like 12/13, ...
Happier in heaven
I just feel overwhelmed and I have no one else to talk to. I tried to make friends on campus, I tried to go to the movies and I’m flaked on again, I’m done trying. I just wish deep inside I just ...
College and Numbness
I’ve been gone for awhile. I honestly just didn’t have much to say. Classes are busy, I feel overwhelmed honestly and tired. So tired. I just hope maybe, I can have some time to make some friends...
These me do not care at the end of the day
I got my period so my week was eh. Two of th guys I guess I talk to seem to have a thing for kidnapping. It’s very ironic to me with my brother’s parental kidnapping (I mention this in my 2018 e...
Where the fuck I've been and what I've been doing
Hey, I’ve been gone for nearly a month. I guess I should explain myself. I guess I’ve started sexting. I told myself that I needed to let go of Joseph and my pain. I needed to self destruct, I h...
College and Spirituality
I started to feel really hopeless. So I asked the universe to send me a sign of some kind. I will play around with my tarot tomorrow to ask for guidance. Something. I don’t know if I will stop ha...
Purple Hearts and Why I Hate Military Propaganda
I don’t like the military all that much. I find the whole ROTC and the way the military pushes itself onto highschoolers very brainwashy. Recently a book adaption came out and as I love books I w...
Privacy
I don’t want to be attracted to any gender anymore. I just want to be sage. I talked to my friend and he said I couldn’t think that way. I understand but I just can’t do it again. I have extreme ...
Relatives and so tired
I’m really sleepy, I just wanna lay down all week. Everything feels uninteresting, unmotivating and blurry. I feel like the days go by in a wink. I talked to a friend yesterday,he’s nice. Really...
Bad dreams about breakup
Hi everyone, I have to make this quick. It’s very late and I feel a migraine coming on. I get those constantly now as mentioned before. It feels awful now. I got my hair done and my friend cancel...
Another school year
In a month I have university. It feels endless, like I’m in a endless cycle and honestly I’m really scared to start school. I’m scared I’ll fail again and not be able to graduate, I hate it. I t...
Changes
The baby shower for my cousin is going to be soon. I need to hurry and order another gift for her, maybe some baby books as I planned. Overall, I’m kinda excited for her but also worried due to h...
Insulted behind my back
I don’t like talking to people for a reason. I felt hurt seeing others on a chat I’ve never been in insult me without even knowing who I am. I just, I don’t know. There’s that tiny version in me ...
Alone in the night
I felt lonely, so I decided to write today. I miss having someone to talk to at night. I don’t really do much besides study for school (I got my aid back yay), write, watch TV or comment on tv. ...
Very Sick
Today I went to a store for a interview and I just, didn’t go. I could tell from everything there I would hate working there and it was so empty I kept walking in circles trying to find anyone to...
I waited 2 days.
I waited 2 days for anything. Anything at all. I told myself to not be rash with making decisions. I’m gonna just dissappear for awhile, maybe a few months if everything goes as planned. I just ...
Rash decision
I don’t want to make any rushed choices so I told myself I’ll wait a few more days. I might get a new therapist whose also black and younger, my moms super excited and kind of pushy for me to do...
I dont want to stay awake
Im trying to not do what he said but i can’t because now I just feel bad about myself. I woke up feeling bad and I cried alot and I’m still crying. I just don’t wanna leave the house today. I ju...
Not sleeping
I don’t feel good so I’ve been up this entire time listening to music and reality tv and just feeling not great. I keep thinking about it, my personality and me not caring. I’ll maybe idk tell m...
He gave his honest answer
It’s my personality. I try to hard, I’m too insecure and he thinks I didn’t actually care. When I heard the not caring about our relationship part, I admit, I choked up a bit and wrote five dif...
He's being nicer now
Joseph is being so kind now, it confuses me. He talks to me more often and compliments me and acts so gentle it hurts. It hurts because I really wanna be independent, I wanna make myself feel how...
Book Description
My diary from the year 2022 at age 18 to 19.
