Entries 75

Page 1 of 3

I apologize for disappearing, I’ve been very sick for the past few weeks. The doctors are sending me a inhaler which is nice, my mom swears I have a lung infection. Idk. Finals are next week, I’m...

---

When he said this I found it nice. Today was okay, I guess I shouldn’t refer to him as a animal anymore. Uh I guess I’ll call him JK since I’ve used J before for Joseph. JK is nice I guess. I f...

---

Today was something. My brother humiliated me in public again. I don’t have any energy as I write this tonight. I feel so alone, so done with the world over school and family and struggles to get...

---

I haven’t been updating or writing much due to school. I have been trying to keep my grades stable, I need to contact my professor about my family printer having no ink. My break starts soon and ...

---

I passed out a few times and slammed my head into the ground the last time. My younger brother who I don’t mention alot due to his privacy and the fact when this diary started he was like 12/13, ...

---

I just feel overwhelmed and I have no one else to talk to. I tried to make friends on campus, I tried to go to the movies and I’m flaked on again, I’m done trying. I just wish deep inside I just ...

---

I’ve been gone for awhile. I honestly just didn’t have much to say. Classes are busy, I feel overwhelmed honestly and tired. So tired. I just hope maybe, I can have some time to make some friends...

---

I got my period so my week was eh. Two of th guys I guess I talk to seem to have a thing for kidnapping. It’s very ironic to me with my brother’s parental kidnapping (I mention this in my 2018 e...

---

Hey, I’ve been gone for nearly a month. I guess I should explain myself. I guess I’ve started sexting. I told myself that I needed to let go of Joseph and my pain. I needed to self destruct, I h...

---

I started to feel really hopeless. So I asked the universe to send me a sign of some kind. I will play around with my tarot tomorrow to ask for guidance. Something. I don’t know if I will stop ha...

---

I don’t like the military all that much. I find the whole ROTC and the way the military pushes itself onto highschoolers very brainwashy. Recently a book adaption came out and as I love books I w...

---

I don’t want to be attracted to any gender anymore. I just want to be sage. I talked to my friend and he said I couldn’t think that way. I understand but I just can’t do it again. I have extreme ...

---

I’m really sleepy, I just wanna lay down all week. Everything feels uninteresting, unmotivating and blurry. I feel like the days go by in a wink. I talked to a friend yesterday,he’s nice. Really...

---

Hi everyone, I have to make this quick. It’s very late and I feel a migraine coming on. I get those constantly now as mentioned before. It feels awful now. I got my hair done and my friend cancel...

---

In a month I have university. It feels endless, like I’m in a endless cycle and honestly I’m really scared to start school. I’m scared I’ll fail again and not be able to graduate, I hate it. I t...

---

The baby shower for my cousin is going to be soon. I need to hurry and order another gift for her, maybe some baby books as I planned. Overall, I’m kinda excited for her but also worried due to h...

---

I don’t like talking to people for a reason. I felt hurt seeing others on a chat I’ve never been in insult me without even knowing who I am. I just, I don’t know. There’s that tiny version in me ...

---

I felt lonely, so I decided to write today. I miss having someone to talk to at night. I don’t really do much besides study for school (I got my aid back yay), write, watch TV or comment on tv. ...

---

Today I went to a store for a interview and I just, didn’t go. I could tell from everything there I would hate working there and it was so empty I kept walking in circles trying to find anyone to...

---

I waited 2 days for anything. Anything at all. I told myself to not be rash with making decisions. I’m gonna just dissappear for awhile, maybe a few months if everything goes as planned. I just ...

---

I don’t want to make any rushed choices so I told myself I’ll wait a few more days. I might get a new therapist whose also black and younger, my moms super excited and kind of pushy for me to do...

---

Im trying to not do what he said but i can’t because now I just feel bad about myself. I woke up feeling bad and I cried alot and I’m still crying. I just don’t wanna leave the house today. I ju...

---

I don’t feel good so I’ve been up this entire time listening to music and reality tv and just feeling not great. I keep thinking about it, my personality and me not caring. I’ll maybe idk tell m...

---

It’s my personality. I try to hard, I’m too insecure and he thinks I didn’t actually care. When I heard the not caring about our relationship part, I admit, I choked up a bit and wrote five dif...

---

Joseph is being so kind now, it confuses me. He talks to me more often and compliments me and acts so gentle it hurts. It hurts because I really wanna be independent, I wanna make myself feel how...

---