Entries 61
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The Comfort You Cant Provide
Today, several times I mentioned to Wesley, casually, that I wasnt okay mentally, that I was having trouble keeping my mind present, that I just need to relax and make it through tomorrow. Every...
Why is this still happening?
And here I am thinking about you again Jay. Seeing you on the internet and always wishing for more of you. Not more of your face or your body. More of your words, your eyes, your voice. A more ge...
Work
I’m getting real tired of people at work looking at me with condescending eyes and talking to me in a completely asshole way. It’s not the patients. They are aight. It’s the nurses and other CNAs...
Monotony
Feels like the days are all blending together. I work. I pay bills. I watch tv. I come home to a messy, empty house. I need to find something to look forward to every week. I’m numb. All these bo...
The Voice
Theres a voice in the back of my head screaming at me. Its saying I should be with Jay. And what am I even doing being so far from him. What if he needs me? But it’s all lies. It’s just a delusio...
Wesley
Every time I see you, you smell more enticing than the last. All I want is to be on your lap, as close as I can be, my body pressed to yours. I want to kiss you passionatly and delight in the tas...
Woke up on the wrong side
I’m feeling like hell today. I miss Jay so much and I hate it because I know he isnt missing me. I’ve been overwhelmingly horny but I trust nobody with my body. I feel alone and lost. Im working ...
What the actual hell
So here I am at Wesley’s. After a long drawn out argument that I’m pretty sure accomplished very little. He invites me over and asks me to bring smokes. Then he says he suddenly got heartburn and...
And Another Thing!
I’m pissed at Wesley. I’m hormonal and unreasonable and pissed. I’ll get over it. What bothers me: 1. He kept his eyes closed during sex and it made me feel ugly and unwanted and irrelevant. Yes,...
God, I need your help again.
It’s me, Phoenix. I know I’m here for a reason. I know I’m supposed to be making a difference. But.. am I doing it right? So heres this guy… with a bad past. Hes probably lieing about everything....
Lately
So my journal entries may say alot about my beautiful irish friend and I figure he better have a name. So we will call him Wesley. Wesley is in a bad mood again. His BPD is really fucking with hi...
Book Description
This book has been created to celebrate another new chapter in my life whereby I moved away and tried to give myself distance from the recurrence of trauma as much as possible.
