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Page 6 of 13

Richard has been making frequent trips to visit now that he’s out of school and only has to work weekends at the bar in San Francisco. This means that he’s not just seeing me, he’s also seeing hi...

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I know it’s been a while, but it’s been gradually increasing in intensity as time has gone on. The drag show was fine. It was a bit of a mess simply because my friend that was supposed to help m...

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I hate that everything is so difficult right now. I have to fight for every damn thing. I have to struggle to feel fine, feel normal, feel even just a minute amount of self-love and each step of ...

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April 15 is the one year anniversary of the death of my grandmother. We all know how well that turned out for me, I’m still trying to deal with the consequences of that whole situation. I still h...

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I’m sorry I’ve been MIA recently, I’ve been battling to get my health under control, which has been more of a struggle than I’m really used to. Apparently while I was absent, Prosebox was ending…...

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I know it’s been so many months since I’ve written anything significant, but after my suicide attempt in September, I had to change everything about my life. I cut everyone off, quit my job, and ...

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I’m I haven’t written in ages, but I’ve been focusing so much on my novel that it has completely sapped by desire to write elsewhere. A strange thing happened to me recently, I was finally at the...

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I know it has been a horribly long time since I’ve written and there’s no excuse other than I haven’t felt like it. Not even when my birthday rolled around. I’ve spent the last month trying, rath...

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Well, it’s been a pretty crazy couple of weeks. Crazy because I’m doing everything possible to keep myself from going crazy. Since I cut off all contact with Richard, I’ve quit my job and gotten...

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I’ve spent the last week grappling with everything that happened. I felt like I stabbed myself in the chest for nearly 4 days. It was like a had a constant, heavy pain pressing on my body. After ...

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I called Richard, and through gasps and tears, I told him it would be best if we didn’t see each other for a while. He only replied, “I don’t know what to say.” There’s nothing to say. I love him...

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I went to San Francisco this week. It was disastrous mainly because it illustrated how I can’t seem to keep my emotions in check. We were out having a good time, and then out of nowhere, Richard ...

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So in the past couple of months I’ve tried to tame myself. I’m only going after men that are actually my type. I’ve spent too much time chasing guys that I believe are hot only because people tel...

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I know I haven’t written but in truth, not much has happened. How often can I write about a cycle that repeats itself? How many times can I say “this is bad” without anything really changing? Wh...

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I spent the entire rest of the week trying to deconstruct what happened with Richard. Or stop myself from deconstructing. I didn’t drink or smoke. I went to bed at 9:30 every night. Until Saturda...

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The weekend was exactly what I needed. It had so many shades to it and it was amazingly complex, although sickeningly simple at the same time. I wondered how it was going to go especially since R...

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I had to escape this week. Karen, my mother’s friend whom I used to live with, invited me to stay at her place for the week since the service arrangements were going to absolutely overwhelm every...

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She said, “We don’t know now but it won’t hurt this bad forever.” I replied coldly, “Yes, it will.” “I know it feels like that now,” she answered,” but someday it will feel like less of a weight....

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My mother is diving deep into planning my grandmother’s service. She’s been dead for months but the service isn’t until July 1st. She’s put every ounce of grief into making this as bombastic as p...

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I’m currently in the middle of yet another massive “self-help” entry that will take me weeks to complete, so I thought I’d fill this out. Current book: Last night, I just finished re-reading Some...

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I know that that last entry was a rambling mess, but that’s because I wrote it over a period of about two weeks and kept losing my train of thought and coming back to it. To boil it down to somet...

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So there I was at at Sarah’s mother’s with all of these adults that have known me since I was 4. Once I knocked over Sarah’s 1-year-old nephew, I stayed in the corner pretty much by myself. I did...

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My little brothers think I’m being overdramatic because I’ve said that I won’t be going to my grandmother’s memorial service. Ironically, my mother completely supports my decision. I think it’s t...

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The repetition of my life is a little bit more frayed at the edges than was visible prior to my grandmother’s death. And yes, I say death. My mother is saying all kinds of softer words, and I kno...

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Since these days I’m always looking for a good distraction, here’s a really intrusice survey. Sexual Orientation? I don’t know that I have a simple answer for this any longer. It’s definitely n...

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