Entries 315

Page 11 of 13

I know I haven’t written in quite a long while but there’s a very specific reason that I haven’t written: I’m trying to keep my mind healthy. The truth is I’ve been taking this last opportunity i...

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The entire time I’ve been going through this dark spiral I’ve been afraid. Now this isn’t really that unusual because I’ve come to discover that nearly everything I do is in response to some fear...

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My time in Sacramento very much reaffirmed how depressed and angry I have been in SoCal. There are multiple reasons that people think that I might not have been able to retain my high spirits but...

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I ended up getting overwhelmed with everything that happened at home that I didn’t have time to write about any of the other amazing things that happened. I’m going to break this up into a few en...

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I actually recorded a whole video entry which I shall not post because I was crying throughout the whole thing. My grandmother is not well. She’s being affected by dementia and it’s causing her t...

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I’ve visited with a few people, not as many as had initially gushed at the idea of my prodigal return, but I’m not too upset about that. I am enjoying having time alone or with just my brothers. ...

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On the last day of classes, I ended up randomly hanging out with this guy Jonathan. He was the guy upon whom I projected all those feelings after the death of my friend. It was one of those meet-...

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If you have read me for any significant amount of time, you know what this title means. Whenever I go on a trip somewhere, I have to name it. It’s like a statement of purpose; a way of defining w...

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I have to be honest, I cannot operate technology. Like at all. It’s confounds me at every turn. I have somehow gotten through college without ever having learned how to use PowerPoint. I don’t ha...

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The final night of my research project ended up with my not arriving home until 4:30 in the morning. I had forgotten that the evening before Thanksgiving is the busiest night of the year for bars...

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Last night I continued my long-stretch of homework overload. I have so many things to do that I literally am drowning in it. I cannot explain it, but there I was sitting at the bar with all of my...

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There’s an amusing little parallel between the renovation of this house and my own life right now. But I don’t want to think about anything too deep, it’s depressing. I only really have about 4 d...

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So in my frantic attempt at finding something to do for the rest of my life, I applied to go work in Jordan with the Peace Corps. I was denied, but my mother had this big sigh of relief because s...

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Sunday I agreed to help David (the hot tattooed ex-bartender that I had the big crush on) move from his apartment. He and Mykel broke up at the beginning of this summer but had to remain living t...

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(I first started writing on Open Diary in 1999 and continued up until about a year ago. My OD was very serialized and typically I would provide links to past situations which I was discussing, an...

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My emotions have been all over the place for the last month. I need to take this moment and acknowledge some truths, no matter how uncomfortable they make me feel. I hate my life right now for no...

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Okay, let’s talk about drugs. I feel like I was the only one who paid attention to all those little lectures they gave us in school. I’m not going to lie and say I have never done any because I h...

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Halloween/My birthday was nice. I spent it with Angie in the weird alternate universe that is Playa del Ray. Seriously, this is one of the strangest parts of Los Angeles I’ve ever been to simply ...

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I’m currentlly coming down from a panic attack. I’m having them a lot more grequently as of late, and that really isn’t so surprising considering the whole “dealing with death” issue that happene...

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Well, someone died. This makes the fourth dead person to have been in my bed and then passed away. I don’t know the details. I don’t know that I need the details. I’ve been rather incoherent over...

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I know it’s been a while. School started and brought a huge wave of issues and sort of swallowed me whole. Plus, I started tugging at some frayed strands in the tapestry and realized some pretty ...

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Okay, so let’s backtrack a little bit and explain that (I believe one noter called it “cringe-worthy”) opening line from my last entry. I had just returned home from Palm Springs and was feeling ...

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I fisted a lesbian (stop freaking out, it’s not like I have Popeye arms) and got my dream guy’s number (named Edgar no less, WTF is up with me and that name?!) but that’s not really worth talking...

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For some reason, my sex karma has turned around… probably because I’ve found myself stopping short when I find myself in situations similar to last night. But I’m jumping ahead of myself. Dave ha...

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A few weeks ago, Cesar was supposed to hang out with me. He didn’t. I really struggled for a long time with my upset feelings about the situation. It doesn’t help that I still sometimes feel guil...

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