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i'm literally dying - evan in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done. june 8, 2015
‘ yeah so he called last night. he being evan. and we talked. not really about much. I told him my news. I told him how much weight i’d put on he was. er surprised. we didn’t go into detail about...
‘ ya know. i’m always holding out hope that evan’ll come back. er I mean that he’ll come back to Denver. last summer was. good. when we got together that is. we’re so much better together than we...
‘ ug. tomorrow. [er ‘tomorrow’. no I mean yesterday]. yesterday just wasn’t my day [currently 1:10 a.m. here]. currently spinning: natalie imbruglia’s ‘torn’. it’s the only song of hers I have ac...
‘ no I didn’t suddenly get married and then decide it wasn’t working since the last time I wrote. uh no. i’m referring to evan and I. we’re not separated [well I mean if I’ve never been marired t...
‘ I know everyone’s been on the edge of their seats in anticipation. [ok so maybe not. kidding..........kidding. but I hope you find my entries interesting otherwise there’s really not much point...
‘ evan news of course. um. so on last er last I mean tues. night evan called after 3 wks. of not. and I emotionally explained to him that this wasn’t working for me anymore. this whole back and f...
‘ well actually it’s both of us. evan I. i’m the one who either wants him to A: be there for me all the time which i know is unrealistic. I want him to not ghost out on me or 2: to not contact me...
‘ so evan & I are having issues again. well the main one being I haven’t heard from him in almost 3 wks. w/ no explanation as to why. I know he doesn’t have money for a phone but gdamnit. the...
‘ i like both songs. So. evan and I talked last night. we talked last mon. night too. he’s. he’s depressed. I mean clinically. this is so different from his usual agitation and spiking out. he wa...
‘ oh how the tables have turned. um. for months I was frustrated w/ evan bc he wasn’t doing anything. but now that he’s moved he’s doing stuff. he’s been to the gym he’s working on getting a job....
‘ so evan and I talked about it and apparently he was so drunk last night he doesn’t remember saying that. I asked him what he did say and he said he doesn’t know. I was hoping he’d know so that ...
‘ I don’t want advice, or anything. I just want support. please. yeah so i’m 60 - 70% sure that last night while drunk evan threatened me. well except. there wasn’t a threat involved. no it sound...
‘ I’m not sure if the entry showed or not but evan moved. yesterday, apparently. last night when he was drunk he called me and told me he wasn’t in CO he was in CA. [he’s from CA btw don’t know w...
‘ so I’ve been watching ‘weeds’. online. it’s funny. I stopped watching cause I don’t like season 2 as much as season 1. the mom was saying how something about sometimes she wonders what it’d be ...
‘ although. i’m not in love. but w/e. metaphorically speaking of course. [this is like my...........4th metaphor lately]. I think. that I like the idea [the ‘ghost’ part] of who evan was better t...
‘ evan, of course. [who else but?] yeah so he calls me bc I asked him earlier to call. and I think oh ok so i’m going to talk about something that I should talk to him about and he’ll listen but ...
‘ yes this is about evan. of course. so um. that was bizarre. [i’m also really tired so a few things seem more bizarre to me than usual]. so a few mins. ago we were on the phone and he asks me ab...
‘ which is funny cause i’m doing that exact same thing. i’m using him until. something better comes along which it won’t unless/until i’m open to it. I want him to be that better. but. and. maybe...
‘ it’s not a breakup since we’re not together. er we weren’t. rather. but it feels like a part of me’s missing since. things changed. I feel. incomplete. yes bc I gave myself to him. and no not s...
‘ cause that’s the most interesting part of my life right now. [no it is]. yeah so. he’s told me twice he doesn’t know how long it’ll be before we see each other again. I might just be looking fo...
‘ Ya know. We’re [evan and i i mean that ‘we’] not in love. I mean yes we do love each other.......in the way you love a very good friend. and we’re always telling each other ‘I love you’. [actua...
‘ right so as put. Ya know. if he wasn’t such a nice guy..........then I wouldn’t feel so er I mean. [I put ‘so towards’ and then deleted it. like wait. that doesn’t make sense. um]. I mean. then...
aug. 1, 2014. ‘ Ya know. I don’t want to let him I go I never have. the truth is my bonds w/ my other friends my other close friends - Susie, Lane, Mark - aren’t as close as they should be. could...
‘ omygod. yeah so here’s the Evan news. well like I put we didn’t break up since well we’re not together. but it feels like we did. we’re, taking a break. he’s gotta get back on his feet [he has ...
‘ so. i’m really not that nice of a person. [and no that’s not random]. everyone’s like ‘oh you’re so nice and sweet’. well it’s a good thing you don’t know me that well. you’re only seeing what ...
