Entries 117

Page 1 of 5

so. the day after thanksgiving to like dec. 1st. my mom & i are going to london for a wk. again. yay.

---

‘ so like i said i rain er ran i mean. yes i ran into evan almost a month ago at the store. there were hugs of course and he held me. a couple times he’s a really physical person. I forgot what i...

---

‘ yeah so i cried today. a bit. well actually i’m a pretty emotional person.i’m just not outward about it. but yeah like i said. i cried at almost 4 in the morning. 3:40.a bit for not for v. long...

---

‘ um. so i’m a really physical person. as is evan. i haven’t seen him in god 5 months short of a yr. in Nov. it’ll be. that’s not the longest we’ve gone. and lately..........and i’m kindof embar...

---

‘ which i’m not btw. but i feel like i should be. but i won’t. cause of how private i am. and this house is big vertically but not really horizontally. this is the 2nd time i’ve said something ab...

---

‘ so almost 2 wks. ago now. well it will be on this coming fri. um it’ll be 2 wks. since i told evan my decision. and i was in tears when i told him. omygod. i[‘d also been feeling a panic attack...

---

‘ so. it ocurred to me like.yesterday that the reason he’s in jail [again] is bc he broke probation or w/e it’s called. like oh......yeah........that’s right. and like before yesterday the other ...

---

‘ from my fb: ‘ya know. so i used to cut. i cut for 10 yrs. and haven’t in a little over 3. and right after i cut i’d regret it. and that’s how this feels. even though i’m doing the right thing. ...

---

‘ right so in one of my recent entries i mentioned that ‘ so turns out. i’m possessive of my guy friends. [not that i actively outwardly show it, or anything]. um yeah. ‘ ‘. well and this was bro...

---

‘ ‘i just thought.that we’d be the main people in each other’s lives.........like in the past.3 yrs. or so he’s the last main friend i’ve had since. cause i don’t want to get to know people cause...

---

‘ um. so i did it. [no not that]. No so last night when evan calls [well actually he calls twice] I told him we didn’t need to fight that’s not what i want. that. i’d been thinking a lot about th...

---

‘ cause i can’t think of a better title. so, again. copied from my fb: ‘um. if a friend of mine isn’t someone i can at least introduce to my friend Mark and be ok w/ it then.apparently i’m not su...

---

‘ i was reading online [well that’s still reading. and actually i was reading fanfic if you must know though not my own. and on that note hey again if anyone wants to read my fanfic please note m...

---

‘ ‘maybe, after sept. it’ll be the last time he hurts me the last .....final.......cut as it were. idk though no promises. i never make promises cause i always end up breaking them. i feel like p...

---

‘ so i didn’t see evan yesterday. and nor did i see him today. er not like we’d planned anything so. and had he surprised me........well it’s not really a surprise if I know about it. but no i ju...

---

‘ while i’m trying to fend off a panic attack at 4:10 a.m. um wow ok. evan has this habit of.well as i call it ‘bringing me back down to earth’. he’s the only one who does that. but he’s the onl...

---

‘ so evan called. last night. from detox [again]. [i swear the situations he gets himself into[. which means he’s here thank god. i worry about him really. [not. like anyone’s protesting that, o...

---

‘ so i saw him.i think.maybe. well i either did or i didn’t. um yeah i was at whole foods on thurs. and yesterday too sitting by the window drinking my raspberry tea bottled when.he walked by.and...

---

‘ yeah so yesterday.i was at my mom’s [well.the area where my mom resides] and i was by my park and it’s 3:40 and.evan calls. well i didn’t know that untill my phone said i had a missed call. the...

---

‘ um so he called me at 2 this morning when i’d just woken up and was doing things. well apparently what happened fri. was. he was in detox and he wasn’t aware they were going to keep him for 5 d...

---

‘ well that’s not entirely true. and yes i’m awake at 11:20 in the morning for the first time in like ever.there’s more to this. um but anyway. no i meant nothing happened regarding evan & i....

---

‘ so he called this morning at 2:10.well actually he’s been calling me for awhile i just.don’t answer and that’s my own fault. so um anyway. ..........we might get together fri. but we’ll see. or...

---

‘ i actually have some this time. So he called this morning at 1.from detox. he was drunk. i was confused cause i’m like ‘wait..........but if you’re in detox then how.......are you drunk?’ and l...

---

‘ well i don’t have any just thoughts. it’s been a month since we last talked.like on the phone and 2 months since we last got together. um last month he was in denver...........it seems unusual ...

---

‘ Ya know up untill recently that um song lyric applied to me/us. great song though. [‘midnight train to georgia’]. ‘us’ being evan & i. The past few times I’ve been at my mom’s i haven’t lik...

---