Entries 89

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I wish someone told me about life, not the birds & the bees and all that jazz, but life. Life in general. My parents never took much notice really, there’s always been something more importan...

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I want her to take my hand, to slide her fingers in between mine as we walk down into our fate. As she leads me through the door, she gently pulls me towards her; her red full lips meet mine as h...

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I cut again, my palm, I’ll tell Elle it was an accident. Like I grabbed a sharp knife the wrong end when I was washing up and it slipped. I know it sounds daft but if you actually knew me, it’s n...

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I was born in the back end of 86. I was born in a coastal town, a nice little town in England. There was me, Ma and Daddy. And that’s how it began. We lived in this town and everything was ok, un...

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Ok, so yesterday I had a bit of a breakdown. I talked to Eleanor about it, she’s my counsellor. She was really helpful, what she was saying made so much sense. I was telling her why I am how I am...

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I am disappointed in me, not because I cut though but because I wish I could have done more or have gone deeper, maybe one day I’ll get so deep that I’ll cut the feeling right out of me, maybe on...

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I have a confession to make…I can’t tell anyone else. Not yet. Last night. I cut again. I only did 3, it’s not like I hacked myself up or anything. Just 3. I did it again and it did exactly what ...

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So… I know I haven’t updated for a couple of days, so I thought I should. I’ve been in a slump you see, but I went to see my GP today and they’ve taken me off Citolopram and put me on Prozac. As ...

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My soul lies deep within, it burns with those red hot tears as it silently screams, can you hear that distant noise? That is my heart, it’s breaking. It doesn’t hurt so bad, not anymore. The pain...

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So…last night we went on our surprise date, and she loved it, I like doing it for her too, and part of me thought, why am I leaving her when she’s like this? Why am I leaving her when I love her ...

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Elle has quite successfully ruined the high that I’ve been on all day. She basically just blamed me for her college work not coming out right, it’s not my fault that she didn’t save it properly, ...

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my confidence is a facade, not that you will care. Everyone sees me, no they don’t, they just think that they do, nor do they know me. People who get to know me are always shocked when they get t...

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Last night I had a big S/H session. I know I shouldn’t have but it felt so good when I was doing it, like all the angry hurt was disappearing with every sweep. I’m not going to binge/purge tonigh...

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Yesterday I did something bad, something I haven’t done since I was with Kel. Yesterday I purged, and it felt so good. It felt like my worries were disappearing. That the hurt and the pain didn’t...

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So I think it’s fair to say that today has completly sucked. As you can tell from my other entry today I’m hurting and I’m hurting real bad, inside and out. I’ve started S.H again. I’m disappoint...

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I’m writing this for me, for no-one else but me, I feel that it could help to vent my anguish that I feel so please if you feel the need to judge in order to make your own life more worthwhile or...

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I feel like I am tied into a position that I just can’t seem to get out of…not in a literal kinky way either…Elle & Me have done nothing but bicker all day, and she’s right we do bicker A LOT...

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Ok, I think this counselling has completely unlocked me, and I’m not sure whether or not that’s a good thing or a bad thing.I just don’t know. I feel like everything that’s going on inside me has...

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I don’t feel much better today, I feel pretty much the same if I am honest, not to you dear readers, but to myself. I still have that aching, yearning feeling that lies within me, next to my soul...

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So, I’m back on the tablets and waiting for them to work. I went back to therapy on Thursday. I’ve never cried so much. I wouldn’t say it was dead good, it’s not but it’s helpful. Her name is E...

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This is my fist winter without anti-depressants, not for much longer. Tomorrow I go back on them. I just can’t cope, we keep fighting, I feel miserable, I feel like I want to die. Today I contemp...

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So the New Year has broken and so far it’s been, whatever, you know? I don’t. I just feel like I’m living on a different planet, like sometimes I don’t understand what people are saying, literall...

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A fortnight after my birthday, she officially asked me to move in, like I would say no to her. So I’ve moved in and the “new car smell” never really happened, we’ve just carried on as we were. Is...

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Ok so long time no entry … I know, I know, I’m grounded. Lol. I’m sorry guys but I’ve been a busy busy bee…so since I last wrote an entry what’s happened?? Hmmm….. Me and Elle went to visit Ma al...

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Today I read an entry by a young girl (she’s 17) who was describing her boyfriend. She says he is controlling and sleeps around and that when she slept with someone else and told him about it he...

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