Entries 100
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White?
White lie? Not this one. It’s just a basic lie. He is clearly lying because I’ve seen what he claim he doesn’t have. Just like how that bandana you held awkwardly ,instead of lying on your lap a...
How to be sexually attractive
I need to learn how to let the lover knos I want him to make love to me. Right now, not after you get a few/several coats of paint, not after I fall asleep. I want you to turn off the light and k...
It must be true
It’s not just dealing with the person you’re in a relationship not checking you out or giving obvious cues that he/she admires your body and is grateful but to actually intentionally NOT look at ...
Arguments
He keeps thinking I’m upset… I ask or say certain things and he woud get uset but ask or say the say things to me he woudn’t think I should get upset for it. I know when he gets like this, why he...
Service
I don’t know if he notices if I realize that he can still send shit, and recieve, apparently. Despite tell me he has not service. Like he serious started sending text to people and realize he tol...
Night plans
“Just wait til tonight” as he left this morning for work. I’m still thinking about that boner he woke up with and how he apparently will “take care of me” tonight. Well as much as he like to cla...
When he looks away
Sometimes I just feel so unattractive… I see him looking at me. It just makes me wonder what he’s thinking. Am I annoying him, interesting to him. I don’t know what to fucking think. Ever .
Restless
I may not sleep before we go back to work. I’ll be fine at work. I’m excited to go and my mind will be stimulated and I can’t wait to put more things together. So much on my mind… Feeling lonely ...
Hold Your Peace
I can see it in his eyes. He’s thinking. He doesn’t ever tell me. Must be the memories… With people he wish he could still see every day… I wish I was good enough and entertaining enough.
Why though?
Not only does he go to bed after I fall asleep, he’a only been getting two hours or less of sleep the pass few days… Obsessed with those damn shoes. It’a like avoiding me… He says he’ll be to bed...
Bud
I feel so unattractive when high on mari.
Double Standards
Why is it okay for him to have an attitude. He’s clearly tweaking right now and I said it. I guess because I’m the one to say so he denies it. “I’m not tweaking” The continued obssessing with t...
I’ll just stay to myself
At least I’ll try, if I can’t be nice. He let me try something new today. Although I think I’ll still want to hit the oil burner. After what happened last night (this morning) I’m just frustrated...
I fucking swear
I swear she just fucking called him while he was texting her next to me…
He loves me
He’s the best thing in my life.
Should I believe?
Should I believe that he rather be with me than her despite the texts he sent her, wearing those rings, keeping those pictures, etc? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, can’t put the blame...
Life
I feel like I’m in a different world now. It’s like how things feel unreal or fake or impossible when depressed But this… feels more believably false.
It’ll happen eventually
He’ll make his choice… I have to be honest though. I wasn’t ever a really interesting person to be around for fun… I guess.
I don’t get it...
Why did he come back to me? Was it really to be with me? Why did he take me along?
That girl
Too bad I’m not entertaining enough to keep him from texting the girl that he apparently hates so much because she cheated on him. Well… maybe I’m not good enough for that… She must be special.
My love
I love him so much. I feel better. I apologized for being a zombie, he understands how things can be and doesn’t see a reason to be upset about it. Last night was a great time together, as it us...
I’m horrible
I’ve been so out of it. Spacing out, not smiling. He deserves a better attitude from me. I’m glad I’m acting a bit better right now… Our time.
Too Much Time On My Hands
It sucks being depressed and having anxiety then finally deciding to become an addict. It sucks for someone that’s always suicidal. It’s the only reason I tried it. Every depressed episode I have...
Perhaps He Knows
Perhaps he know that I suspect something. He probably knows how insecure my thoughts are that I would think he’s hiding what he’s hiding. Look at me though. I just need my own sources. It’s his f...
Monday; No Work
I’m ready to be done with this batch and come down. Today, I haven’t felt any of the hits. I’m just burning/wasting product but I get to practice. I think he’s hiding what else he does. I think ...
Book Description
My thoughts while I’m high and when I come down.
