Entries 133
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Speaking in code.
I’ve been teaching myself to code for the last eight months or so, through websites online, and getting a fairly decent grasp on the core concepts. This last Tuesday I just started the first day...
Here's a novel for you.
Sometimes I wonder how I’ve come this far, and sometimes I wonder if I’ve even come far at all…sometimes I feel so behind, and sometimes I fall back into bad habits. I miss my mom and my friends...
I woke up today...
…feeling a little better than I was feeling last night. One of the meds I take is supposed to give me more energy, but lately it doesn’t seem to be working. I get home from work and I’m exhauste...
Existential crisis
So, tonight I watched a couple of videos on youtube about people and their DMT experiences. It basically triggered me to go through my whole ego death experience again, which triggered me to sta...
Progress for days.
Let’s see…it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here. I don’t know why I’ve been gone for so long, I guess I’ve just been putting the work in like a mad-man. I had my last appointme...
Pure drivel
Something about something. I want to write but I have nothing to actually talk about, so I think I might just kind of spill it all…the contents of my head…this might get ugly. I will try to keep...
Quiet the body
My body seems to be ruling me lately, along with my poison mind. I got some advice to quiet the body and listen to the soul. I don’t think I know how to do that…I mean, I have unsuccessfully at...
My man body.
I look at my man body sometimes and I just can’t believe what I see. I’ve got a little beer belly that won’t seem to go away (probably because I won’t seem to stop drinking beer and I don’t exer...
A little bit of everything.
Alex just sent me a video that basically said scientists have found conclusive evidence that vaping causes cancer, it reshapes the DNA in your lungs, heart, and bladder…soooooooo… …I’m not going ...
Utah
I just got back from Utah yesterday morning and I feel like I should probably document that trip. I got in early Thursday, the 25th of january, my mothers birthday. She was so excited that I wa...
A good day.
Good days are becoming less and less rare these days, ever since I made a decided effort to start looking at my life with a more positive outlook. Today was a good day. I slept in until about 1...
Time is a liar.
One of my best friends in the entire world, I don’t get to see very often. He pawned a bunch of my shit for heroin and took off to Mexico 12 years ago, and it put a bit of a strain on our relati...
All the things I used to be.
“Let me in, I’m cold…all messed up with nowhere to go…you’ve got indecision, and indecision is my enemy…unlock the cabinet, I’ll take whatever you’ve got.” I can’t stop listening to the album “G...
City walks and Ninja Turtles.
Walk around the city at night…it’s cold, but it’s not that cold. Sometimes it smells nice, like pastries and coffee. Sometimes it smells like Thai food. Sometimes it smells like piss and shit....
Time Travel.
Dirty water…smells like orange Rockstars and vodka. Smells like dirty clothes and dirty hair and sleeping on the floor. Smells like getting kicked out of the new house you just moved into only ...
Sleep schedules
I was too pumped from that show last night, I didn’t end up falling asleep until something close to 5 in the morning. And then I slept in today until 1:30 PM. I usually wake up around 9 or 10 e...
My life in a poem.
Petulance and pestilence and prejudice and pride. Pedantic and romantic and traumatic and tried…and true…ish For a fellow to be mellow below the belt Should he melt? Is it like ice when he sat th...
Parties
I didn’t respond to any of the notes on my last entry, but I am grateful for all of the condolences, I truly am, I just don’t think I can handle the reality of it all right now, and I’ve had so m...
I am back.
I guess it’s been kind of a while since I have written in here…and truth be told, the only reason I’m even back is because my friend Zane challenged me to do a journal entry tonight. I told him ...
Testing the fences
So lately, I’ve been testing my own fences for weak spots, like the raptors in Jurassic Park, except twice as frightening. Every day is a little dance to see how close to “too far” I can go with...
Circles and spirals
“Now I have to show you some circles before you could get a good grasp on one of my full fledged spirals.” I’m starting to get to the point where I am feeling like I am strong and I don’t need a...
The day after Thanksgiving.
How was my Thanksgiving? Hmmm. It was alright, I guess? I had tacos. I love tacos. My dad and Kari were going to Kari’s family for Thanksgiving, and I don’t have any real problems with those p...
OkCupid
I just created a new OkCupid account last night when I was drinking. So today I was like, “Let’s keep this shit going!” So after I got off work I just got a bunch of booze and I hopped back on O...
Murder/ or: a lack of self worth.
The trial for my nephews murder is on a temporary hiatus for the holiday season, so my parents are back in town. I’m glad they are back…I feel like such a child, but this empty house was driving...
I'm losing "it" right now.
My family is up in Northern California right now, attending the trial of the murder of my infant nephew. It happened almost two years ago…it’s probably the most disgusting thing I can think abou...
Book Description
This is the story of my life.
