My Fucking Feelings
by LachrymoseBeauty
Entries 76
Page 3 of 4
Lies and Secrets
I made this secret place for myself, a diary, but then I made it public. I don’t tell people about it so I assume they don’t know. Maybe some people have been clever enough to find it. It’s possi...
The Phantom Wore A Blue Suit
And suddenly she realises that Phantom of the Opera was a true story. If there was one more act maybe it wouldn’t be such a tragedy. He would miraculously come back to life and the two would be t...
Tired
Dumping some old entries today. Be patient haha. Really tired of Fake friends Fake smiles Fake sentiment Fake effort Really tired of Crying alone Trying to be strong Responsibilities of any kind ...
Everywhere
I always see you. Why are you everywhere? And I know this hurt Is just what you wanted. Make me rue the day, Right? But you have no idea. You couldn’t possibly understand. What pain like this is....
Closed Doors
Feeling a cloud of gloom come over my life. I’m having trouble getting a new job. I’m not goimg to be able to pay for college. I’m struggling socially and moat days I’d rather sleep all day than ...
Psychobabble
I have found a new direction, new interests, made new goals. This is good right? But a question still plagues me: Is this about me or is it about you? It is okay for you to have influenced my lif...
Maniacs
If I collected all the tears I’ve cried for you over the years I’d have myself a nice littlw wishing well. I don’t cry on command. I cry when I’m sad. Perhaps I was right in the beginning. You we...
Fuzzled
I’m feeling a bit… Fuzzled. Perhaps you know what I mean. I cannot quite articulate the feeling. I’m not even sure what is happening in my brain. Things start to slip. Thoughts are not always inc...
Cute Boy lol
At church the other day I met a boy named Michael. We were both wearing band ahirts so he strikes up a convo. Later we end up at the same mystery dinner. Turns out he also loves animals, reading,...
Praise for Events Happening in My Life
I’ve said it a hundred times and I’ll say it a hundred more. It is good to be home. Pieces are falling into place for me. God is bringing me all the things I need. All the things I asked for. I s...
Heroin is a Bitch
My friend is struggling with heroin again. How many times have I helped him sober up? Talked him out of his withdrawl? Talked him out of suicide? Let him stay here? Fed him? Encouraged him? And y...
Missed Opportunities
Hard to pin down how I’m feeling. A member of our local music community died yesterday. Not sure how. I didn’t know him very well so I’m not posting my sad farewells on facebook like everyone els...
Plans and Blessings
I’ve decided that I want to be a psychologist that specialises in personality disorders and autism. I want to work with those that others are afraid of. Imagine the awesome conversations I will h...
Tick Tick in my Brain
Every day, Thoughts of you, I push them away. No matter how hard I push, These thoughts intercede. I know I have a long wait ahead of me. I just wish sometimes, That I really knew, What I am wait...
Struggling
I’m doing just fine. No real problems. Should have a new job soon. Thats good. And yet… It would feel so good to have someone holding me right now. Feeling lonely. Feeling tired. No motivation to...
Today
I saw you today. You didn’t talk to me. Didn’t look me in the eye. You seemed upset by my being around. I kept my distance. Your girlfriend seemed upset by my too. I saw you and her cuddling and ...
Regrets, Focus
It’s 5am. I’ve been awakw all night thinking of all the things I’ve done or said to hurt you. Thinking of how I will ever make them up to you. Wishing I had understood you then. I thought you wer...
Goals and Questions
I had a pretty good day yesterday. I was productive and got alot done. Today I skipped church and took my son to the park. He is being so defiant lately that I don’t know what to do! I want my li...
The Usual Shit
I am so lonely. :( I’m sad. I need a backrub amd lots of cuddles. But who knows how long it will be until I can have those things. It doesn’t help that I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s getti...
Spinning My Wheels
I’m trying so hard to make something of my writing career. I’m failing so hard too. I meed to pick a project and stick to it so I can move forward instead of bouncing around like a mental pinball...
Crazy Stalker
This crush is riddiculous. Try to remember the sort of man you’ve fallen for! I remember hiding from you in the ladies room between classes so you couldn’t follow me. I’d wait there until I was ...
Bad Day
It was a bad day today. Woke up angry and discouraged. My writing career isn’t going well and I can’t get motivated to get anything done. Forgot my rosary today. A good friend who is like a broth...
Sad
Went to my besties baby shower today. I was sad and jealous almost the entire time, but hopefully I managed to be personable. I didn’t cry anyway. Suddenly I came to the realization that I’m not ...
Missing You
I’m feeling really disconnected right now. I’m not sure why. I’m going to a show at the Black Sheep tonight, but it isn’t your show. I know I will find myself looking around for you anyway. I hop...
Hugs and Cuddles
I want hugs! All the hugs! Not only am I gonna hug you but also your girlfriend and your girlfriend’s girlfriend and also maybe your dog. Why? Because I require oxytocin. Also I love hugs. And if...
Book Description
This one is a more personal diary full of random happenings in my life and my feelings and all that shit.