Public

My Fucking Feelings

by LachrymoseBeauty

Entries 76

Page 3 of 4

July 18, 2017

Lies and Secrets

I made this secret place for myself, a diary, but then I made it public. I don’t tell people about it so I assume they don’t know. Maybe some people have been clever enough to find it. It’s possi...


And suddenly she realises that Phantom of the Opera was a true story. If there was one more act maybe it wouldn’t be such a tragedy. He would miraculously come back to life and the two would be t...


July 17, 2017

Tired

Dumping some old entries today. Be patient haha. Really tired of Fake friends Fake smiles Fake sentiment Fake effort Really tired of Crying alone Trying to be strong Responsibilities of any kind ...


July 17, 2017

Everywhere

I always see you. Why are you everywhere? And I know this hurt Is just what you wanted. Make me rue the day, Right? But you have no idea. You couldn’t possibly understand. What pain like this is....


July 14, 2017

Closed Doors

Feeling a cloud of gloom come over my life. I’m having trouble getting a new job. I’m not goimg to be able to pay for college. I’m struggling socially and moat days I’d rather sleep all day than ...


July 10, 2017

Psychobabble

I have found a new direction, new interests, made new goals. This is good right? But a question still plagues me: Is this about me or is it about you? It is okay for you to have influenced my lif...


July 04, 2017

Maniacs

If I collected all the tears I’ve cried for you over the years I’d have myself a nice littlw wishing well. I don’t cry on command. I cry when I’m sad. Perhaps I was right in the beginning. You we...


June 27, 2017

Fuzzled

I’m feeling a bit… Fuzzled. Perhaps you know what I mean. I cannot quite articulate the feeling. I’m not even sure what is happening in my brain. Things start to slip. Thoughts are not always inc...


June 26, 2017

Cute Boy lol

At church the other day I met a boy named Michael. We were both wearing band ahirts so he strikes up a convo. Later we end up at the same mystery dinner. Turns out he also loves animals, reading,...


I’ve said it a hundred times and I’ll say it a hundred more. It is good to be home. Pieces are falling into place for me. God is bringing me all the things I need. All the things I asked for. I s...


June 20, 2017

Heroin is a Bitch

My friend is struggling with heroin again. How many times have I helped him sober up? Talked him out of his withdrawl? Talked him out of suicide? Let him stay here? Fed him? Encouraged him? And y...


June 16, 2017

Missed Opportunities

Hard to pin down how I’m feeling. A member of our local music community died yesterday. Not sure how. I didn’t know him very well so I’m not posting my sad farewells on facebook like everyone els...


June 15, 2017

Plans and Blessings

I’ve decided that I want to be a psychologist that specialises in personality disorders and autism. I want to work with those that others are afraid of. Imagine the awesome conversations I will h...


June 14, 2017

Tick Tick in my Brain

Every day, Thoughts of you, I push them away. No matter how hard I push, These thoughts intercede. I know I have a long wait ahead of me. I just wish sometimes, That I really knew, What I am wait...


June 06, 2017

Struggling

I’m doing just fine. No real problems. Should have a new job soon. Thats good. And yet… It would feel so good to have someone holding me right now. Feeling lonely. Feeling tired. No motivation to...


June 03, 2017

Today

I saw you today. You didn’t talk to me. Didn’t look me in the eye. You seemed upset by my being around. I kept my distance. Your girlfriend seemed upset by my too. I saw you and her cuddling and ...


June 01, 2017

Regrets, Focus

It’s 5am. I’ve been awakw all night thinking of all the things I’ve done or said to hurt you. Thinking of how I will ever make them up to you. Wishing I had understood you then. I thought you wer...


May 28, 2017

Goals and Questions

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I was productive and got alot done. Today I skipped church and took my son to the park. He is being so defiant lately that I don’t know what to do! I want my li...


May 25, 2017

The Usual Shit

I am so lonely. :( I’m sad. I need a backrub amd lots of cuddles. But who knows how long it will be until I can have those things. It doesn’t help that I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s getti...


May 25, 2017

Spinning My Wheels

I’m trying so hard to make something of my writing career. I’m failing so hard too. I meed to pick a project and stick to it so I can move forward instead of bouncing around like a mental pinball...


May 23, 2017

Crazy Stalker

This crush is riddiculous. Try to remember the sort of man you’ve fallen for! I remember hiding from you in the ladies room between classes so you couldn’t follow me. I’d wait there until I was ...


May 23, 2017

Bad Day

It was a bad day today. Woke up angry and discouraged. My writing career isn’t going well and I can’t get motivated to get anything done. Forgot my rosary today. A good friend who is like a broth...


May 20, 2017

Sad

Went to my besties baby shower today. I was sad and jealous almost the entire time, but hopefully I managed to be personable. I didn’t cry anyway. Suddenly I came to the realization that I’m not ...


May 19, 2017

Missing You

I’m feeling really disconnected right now. I’m not sure why. I’m going to a show at the Black Sheep tonight, but it isn’t your show. I know I will find myself looking around for you anyway. I hop...


May 17, 2017

Hugs and Cuddles

I want hugs! All the hugs! Not only am I gonna hug you but also your girlfriend and your girlfriend’s girlfriend and also maybe your dog. Why? Because I require oxytocin. Also I love hugs. And if...


Book Description

This one is a more personal diary full of random happenings in my life and my feelings and all that shit.