Public

My Fucking Feelings

by LachrymoseBeauty

Entries 76

Page 2 of 4

March 31, 2018

Remembering You Still

I’ve been thinking of you again. When am I not? I picture you in my mind just the way you were the first time I saw you, with that long brown hair and the eyes that are never really happy, never ...


March 28, 2018

Cant Let Go

I guess I didn’t realise how attached I’ve gotten to prosebox. The last couple of days have been awful. This has been my escape and my mental support. I’ve looked at so many other sites but none ...


March 26, 2018

Petrified Hope

I’ve tried to convince myself that none of it matters. That J doesn’t matter. I’ve tried telling myself I could just get over it and move on. I even tried convincing myself that he’s just a crazy...


March 23, 2018

Fantasies

Do I dare breathe my most secret fantasies of you? I’m sure you’d think them twisted and perverse and perhaps they are. But still.... They linger. I see you in my fantasy Weak. Helpless. Nobody c...


My mind picks you apart, Piece by piece, Wondering what’s really there. What is real, What was just part of your disguise? Again, It shouldn’t matter should it? Were you really that devout boy? O...


March 21, 2018

Love Letter

Seems I develop the wierdest feelings. I don’t even know them usually. Who needs a face? A body? I fall for the words that drip so beautifully down my screen. How much better would they be in ink...


March 16, 2018

Wouldn't it be Nice

If for one day we could all just say exactly what we fucking wanted to without any chance of later reprecussions? Just one day. I bet people would have a lot to say.


March 14, 2018

random bitching

Today just feels like it’s been a bad day. No actual reason for it. Missed therapy. The bitch from night shift be acting like I don’t do anything. Fuck would she know about it? I just kept my sil...


A friend suggested I give myself a name rather than letting someone else label me. She suggested I could choose who I wanted to be. This is not entirely true of course. I could not choose to surp...


December 08, 2017

Stressed

School’s really piling on the work as the semester is coming to an end. I’m fighting so hard to finish it all, but I’m distracted. I get almost no time with my son now. Haven’t had a chance to ex...


December 02, 2017

The Veil

Drop the Veil Thoughts are Locked. Trust is Gone Communication Lost. What was once my solace, Is now my prison. It just keeps happening Nobody listens. If you wanted to know What i felt or though...


October 30, 2017

This is An Awesome Song

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=6_BPZ3oVRl4&feature=share


October 27, 2017

Stress

Today my anxiety was very high. I was fighting off social avoidance, but the desire to withdrawl from social interaction was almost unbearable. I find myself worrying about things that haven’t ha...


It’s funny. You took words out of my mouth And turned them into lyrics. Without bothering to understand what they meant. Just assumed the worst. And took credit for my thoughts Without blinking a...


September 17, 2017

It's been a day.

I went to a show today. It’s been a while. At first it was cold. It is hard to feel people thinking bad things about you and smiling to your face, and then jut politely sit back and act like you ...


August 23, 2017

Impossible Dreams

Haven’t written in a while. Not sure about the security of this online format anymore. I mean, I do make it public, but I also want to be anonymous. I don’t give my journal out to anyone. It’s po...


August 05, 2017

Invisible

Why is it that I feel the lack of you today so strongly? Perhaps it is the show that I will be missing tomorrow. I should have found something else to do to take my mind off of it. I know it is g...


August 04, 2017

Feelings Lie

My feelings are lieing to me again. They are telling me nobody will ever understand me. That I’ll be alone forever. That it will never get better. Because I’m a freak. There are alot of us though...


August 02, 2017

Just a Day in the Life

I’m so confused about my brain right now. It’s lie I don’t even know what I want sometimes. I go full force in one direction and then entirely ruin my progress moving the opposite way. Maybe I’m ...


August 01, 2017

ADHD Vomit

All day my brain has been buzzing with random thoughts. Not sure what to do with them all, where to write them or which ones are worth saving and which ones I should just let drift away. When you...


Well last night I looked at the fortune cookie fortunes stuck to my fridge and one of them said that three months from today would be my lucky day. I look at the date written on the back amd real...


July 26, 2017

Happy Things

Despite my torrent of deppression in the moment I’ve been fighting and holding on tight. Seems like I only write when I’m sad or panicking or some other negative emotion. I got into a fight with ...


What did he do to me? He tried to help, but did he help? Or did he make it worse? All the things he used to remind me of you, now they do. But what about the rest? Was it for my benefit or for hi...


July 26, 2017

Something's Gotta Give

My deppression is getting worse. I’m starting to feel sad and apathetic. Nothing can take my mind off things. I’ve made feeble attempts to reach out to friends, but as always, the ones I want to ...


July 21, 2017

Wandering Thoughts

Another sleepless night. Maybe God’s trying to talk to me. That’s what my mom said. She said if you can’t sleep it means God is trying to talk to you. Maybe I’m just no good at listening. My mind...


Book Description

This one is a more personal diary full of random happenings in my life and my feelings and all that shit.