My Fucking Feelings
by LachrymoseBeauty
Entries 76
Page 1 of 4
Sometimes Life Moves Too Fast
And I feel like I cant keep up. My son is amazing. Hes learning things that kids twice his age have just discovered. He is so mature. I am so proud of him. My new boyfriend, hes amazing too. He a...
The Phantom
How do I get you out of my head? I watched Phatom of the Opera today. It’s my absolute favorite. I almost cried. She chose wrong. If that childhood friend of hers loved her so much where was he w...
Stuck on You
Here I am, aching for you again. Every night is the same. I should just disappear a while. Let you be. Until one day you have the courage to again approach me. It is so very hard to do. For the o...
They say it's PTSD. Silly.
Sometimes I just want to turn the world off for a while. I sit here thinking of you. I’ve meticulously absorbed myself in video games to keep those thoughts away but they always return. There are...
Tired
Tired of being strong. Tired of being the happy silly drunk girl. Tired of making people laugh at my expense. Tired of fighting for the attention of the unworthy. Tired of pushing g away those th...
Wasted Tears
Memories burn in my soul. An eternal fire that never dulls. A burrow in my heart Like a huge scar That I cover with a sticker See? I’m great! Never better. But the scar never fades The coals neve...
Stress and Feeling Pretty
I convinced myself to log on and write. Ivr been meaning too for a while I just never get to the writing part. Been having a rough time. My therapist thinks I might have ptsd. I was going to writ...
Tension
Why do I keep holding onto hope that someday, somehow we will be together? Why does it feel like we were meant to be? That’s clearly bogus. If I could just convince myself the whole thing is craz...
Grey
Everyday is grey. It’s difficult to motivate myself to do anything. I have a million projects to work on and I finally have some time. Instead I’ve been playing games on my computer. I should tak...
Plea
I’ve all but given up on diet and exercise. I forgot my medicine today and spent the day praying I wouldn’t sunk from the anxiety and depression. Work has become very stressful with the lack of a...
I Used to Love My Job
But it seems like today I did everything wrong. Or maybe someone just decided it was all my fault. Maybe the truth is somewhere in between the two. They took away the only day I work with my frie...
Fridays Suck?
I love my job but on fridays the tension builds in my muscles until I feel I could explode. Currently hiding in my car for lunch, hoping the rest of the day sails by fast. How strange is it that ...
1st Date
I made a mistake. I let myself hope. I forced myself to dream. I saw a life with a guy like you. In the woods, laughing having fun. The dog, the kids, the adventure. I let myself get comfortable ...
Fantasy
I need a vacation. I’m not much of a Cinderella but lately I find myself fantasizing about a mysterious man swooping me off my feet and taking me to the country or the beach or some new exotic lo...
The Lies My Brain Tells
My rain is lieing to me again. It does that. This time it is trying to convince me that everyone in the world is uncomfortable with me. People are all avoiding me it says. It surely must have bee...
For Those Who Are Bored
A list of quests: Teach me how to make math fun. Give me an article to read with some good advice for my life. Drop me a video of some local rock. Show me a picture from your world. Write me a ve...
Dear Readers
Do you understand how important you are to me? Do you get it? Do you know that I tell you things I couldn’t tell my family? Do you understand that your words mean the world to me? Do you know tha...
It's been a night.
I felt horrible so I went to have a beer and hear you sing. I feel better now. I was glad you were nice to me even though I’m sure you didn’t really want me there. Impressions: You want me to kee...
Clouds
I didn’t go to the prayer meeting today. I got too anxious about it being a new thing. What if they expected me to pray out loud? What if they were trying to pray for only the one thing? I just c...
The Process
So what’s a guy got to do to date the Phoenix anyway? Well… We aren’t currently accepting applications but you are welcome to leave a resume on file. The position of potential future husband invo...
More Math Rants
All math teachers must be sadistic. And all math lovers are perhaps masochist. (No offense Anon.) But some are worse than others. For instance, when the problem states “give an exact answer, incl...
Bad Day I Guess
It’s one of those days where I’m wondering if I have any real friends left, any close ones. My besties seem to have alienated me. Almost every old reliable friend I’ve ever had seems distant. Not...
Math Trauma
We can joke and laugh but it’s not a joke for me. Geometry. That’s where it all happened. That’s where I lost J. Guess what I’ll be learning in math this week? I thought last week would be the ha...
When Friends Stop Being Friends, What Are They?
Suddenly I realize why I have been so distant with friends. Those close friends that have been around forever. We will be catching up and getting comfortable with each other when suddenly there’s...
Today is the Day
And it’s going to happen again and again. Has to happen… Kidding. I’m slightly terrified to show up tonight. Not because of a potential fight. But because J might destroy my heart. But I’ve wait...
Book Description
This one is a more personal diary full of random happenings in my life and my feelings and all that shit.