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Spring
Ugh. Im so sick of grief. And sick of crying. Ivy was due in the middle of winter. After holiday fanfare. And more than imagining those warm cozy newbie snuggles, I imagined the spring. I imagine...
Seasons
Seasons are not only particular to weather. They can describe different points in our life as well. Jessica Martin-Weber (@theleakyboob) did a talk at MommyCon two years ago relating seasons to o...
Drafty
I’ve got two or three drafts started. Words are jumbled these days, feelings raw. So I havent been successful at coherent entries. Im still not. One of the drafts is about Ceiling Cat (aka Shiloh...
Drafty
I’ve got two or three drafts started. Words are jumbled these days, feelings raw. So I havent been successful at coherent entries. Im still not. One of the drafts is about Ceiling Cat (aka Shiloh...
Cuddle Cot
Integrating...sorta
I really want to take Fiona to see the new Beauty and the Beast. The disney original was always tied with Little Mermaid as a favorite of mine growing up. Im not sure Orion would sit through it, ...
Unknown
I dislike the unknown and don’t do especially well with change. But both of these things happen in life. Quite a bit. I read an article today that I won’t link because I didnt particularly care f...
Fasting for Lent
“Any person who chooses to follow Jesus receives “a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead”” -Peter 1:3 Old Me would have loved this list for Lent. W...
Because of Ivy
So this is my life now. And sometimes (like my current mood), its just a matter of fact like that. Im moving onward. Forward. Not moving on as in getting over. That minute will never come, even i...
Surprises of Grief
Grief has made it difficult to look at tiny baby photos of my living children. I love reminiscing, but find myself avoiding the photos of the first few months. Fiona(6) was born end of December, ...
Everything Happened
Orion sees photos of little babies on Facebook and says in his little two year old voice “Thats Baby Ah-bee!”. Oh my sweet boy. Dont I wish. I’ve opened this silly browser many times to write. I ...
One Month
Im feeling sick to my stomach. The dreaded stomach flu has weaved its way through our household. First man down was Fiona on Friday night. Then Matt, Orion, and myself. Might be safe to say that ...
Brain Games
Numbness gave way to an emotional storm. It has been four weeks since I gave birth. Bleeding stopped about 2 weeks post partum, but my lovely period decided to show up yesterday. Light, but still...
Why My Other Blog is 'Ivy's Light'
Just yesterday I changed the title of this blog. I’m still playing around with the layout design, but the name will not change again. Initially intending on using nicknames for my family, I cant ...
Missed
Its really proving hard for me to know that Ivy was here, and then suddenly she wasnt. She was not sick. There were no medical anomalies. She was small. 5 pounds and 12 ounces. Small for a newbor...
Dazed
This week has been significantly more emotional than the first few. Initial shock might be wearing off. My husband is closing out his second week back to work. Bear is back at kindergarten. Turke...
Angry
Happy Valentines Day. It feels like only moments ago I was daydreaming about this silly Hallmark holiday with a tiny baby girl to dress up again. I purposely shied away from ‘girly’ with our firs...
Still
Anticipation is suffocating. Its been three weeks since the birth of Baby. Tomorrow night is our first support group. Both of these things converging is proving to be a lot, emotionally. I’ve al...
Blank Inside
I have a $4.49 package of 12 note cards. Picked them up at the grocery store, intending to use them to send acknowledgements to out of area family that have sent donations to help our Cuddle Cot ...
Arrival
Last night my aunt took the kids for a sleep over. She sent Husband and I to the spa for a massage (him) and facial (me). So generous and kind of her. My last time in that very spa was when I was...
Forward Motion
Someday I’ll find coherency again, right?? Meanwhile I find myself trying to find something as small as a direction to go with this blog…and Ive got nothin. These first two weeks since Baby’s bir...
To Remember Her
The hospital staff was AMAZING during my first two days post-partum. I had a plastic white flower outside my door. Hospital code for “the patient in this room has experienced a loss”. The support...
Who Am I
Good question. Identity is complex. We go through the process of creating ourselves in adolescence. Personalities emerge. Strengths. Weaknesses. Much of this is innate, but we have choices in wha...
The Birth of Ivy
Term Stillbirth Story Ahead Tuesday, January 17th I had a routine midwife appointment. Baby was engaged, cervix thinning, heart rate in the 140s. It was the last time I heard that sweet, sweet s...
Wandering
Not all who wander are lost… …but I think I am. Lost. We came home from the hospital Tuesday evening. Roughly two and a half days after Ivy was born. I will post her birth story in the following ...
