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Prayers for Mama
Yesterday I forgot to take my Wellbutrin until about 2pm. As a result, it was tough to fall asleep. I was pretty wired until about 2am, which is pretty late for me. Generally we are going to slee...
The Space Between
Friday night I dreamed of Ivy. I cant place specifics, but I remember her in my arms as if she was never out of them. Tears are near just thinking about that. I miss that girl something fierce. M...
Nope
I feel like I have so much on my mind that I cant seem to get any of it out coherently lately. Today was day 2 of wellbutrin, and on day 4 I increase the dosage to ‘full strength’. Hard to say ye...
Here's to a Bigger Plate
There is so much chaos in my life right now. What’s even crazier is that in one moment I feel fully capable of managing it all - and almost scoff at myself for being overwhelmed. Other times Im d...
Amy
My poor, amazing, wonderful midwives. After Ivy was born still, and we were transported to the nearest hospital, one of the midwives (Amy) in my group came to see me. She wasnt on call when I del...
Here
I wonder if my roller coaster emotions are transparent in my writing. These days I am absolutely feeling. Up and down. Round and round. Certainly there are enough circumstances swaying the pendul...
The One Where She Stops
My mom has ductal carcinoma in her right breast, as discovered by a mammogram and biopsy she had last week. Now she waits for insurance to clear an MRI, which will tell us if it has spread beyond...
Untitled
My husband’s program has a family portion on Saturdays. Obviously the kids are way too little to attend, but I went for the first time, this weekend. It was helpful to go. Just to get more of an ...
I Do(ula)
I’ve been contemplating on and off for some time now, but Im pretty sure Im ready to pull the trigger. Not TODAY, because today my life is crazy. But in a few months or however long it takes for ...
Bail-ey
Yesterday I bailed out of making an appearance at my cousin’s softball game. We had family in from out of state that I havent seen since last fall. But yesterday was a ‘just cant’ kind of day. In...
It looms
I need to learn how not to be scared of relapse. Which is probably an impossibility. (losing the scaredness) when Ivy died, there were stories. of their losses but also their survival. because pe...
Hobblety Goo (aka mind garbage)
Today is Fiona’s last day in kindergarten. Woo-hoo, we survived the last day of dragging her out of bed! Onward to a fun (and sometimes lazy) summer! Although you know murphy’s law will have her ...
Family Photos
Four months ago I was speaking with a photographer and making plans for a newborn session. We were just waiting for Ivy to arrive. Ivy was born, and this same blessed woman offered her talent to ...
Move
The weather is beautiful. near 80 this week. Today started with a hustle, as we were driving Fiona to school. Her bigger cousin A is supervising the kdg playground this week and the bus doesnt ge...
We Do Stuff...
Maybe my last entry suggested I rarely ever leave my house. LOL. We were do-ers. And winter hibernators, and I admittedly wasnt too much the outdoorsy type with the all-pregnancy sickness. But pr...
MOAR color!!
So, I have a box of Splat Ocean Ombre. I know there are way better colors out there to use. But Im using it as my cheap, easy bandaid. We have family photos on Saturday and I need my hair to just...
Saturday
I dont understand people sometimes. I was driving down the main road of my subdivision and this lady makes a left turn nearly INTO my car. I reflexively swerved up the curb and into the grass an...
Ask Me
Anything goes....lets get some writing fodder that isnt about my youngest daughter, eh?
Stalemate
When winning feels like losing. We actually had an adult conversation about the elephant that is another baby. Im pretty sure in my head I knew it was going to play out this way, which is why nei...
Lest it Seem...
This place is my ‘go-to’ for my crazy. The thoughts and feelings surrounding Ivy’s birth are what brought me back to writing. And I imagine that it will seem like most of my writing is about her....
Personality
Last night I sat down to take a ridiculous online test. The kind where you answer two-dozen questions and get told “Which American Girl Doll Fits Your Personality”. Because, what could be more im...
Screen Free
So....Fiona’s school does ‘Screen Free Week’ with incentives for the kids that participate. Immediately my brain thought it would be great to take this challenge on as a family. Solidarity…right?...
Three Months
Roughly one year ago you were conceived. Today is three months past your birth. But this entry is not to focus on the sad, but rather to remember the time that I had you, here with me. Time will ...
Unwritten
For a few weeks now I’ve had it in my head that there were letters I wanted to write. To my husband, to my mom, and to my Ivy. Words to paper…a frozen picture in time where I can express my.........
Move
My current life goal is to be more present. My productivity has been kind of lacking, and coming in spurts. TBH I wasnt a stellar housekeeper before. Im not a dirty person, but I definitely have ...
