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Page 22 of 58

I switched my shifts around so that I can be off tomorrow. I will have the entire day to study before my evening class. It’s not like I have a test or exam, I don’t understand why my anxiety has ...

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It’s like taking a fitness class or seeing a fitness trainer when you haven’t done any training in years and learning that you’re just doing the warmup after you’ve already given it your all. Tha...

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Terrain I have a problem with procrastination and avoidance. I put off going back to school for over a decade. To be fair, I did not have a career path that I wanted to pursue. I found my passion...

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I went to bed angry last night. I was mostly angry that I was angry. I worked a full week, plus my classes, and this apartment/living situation feels like a second job. That started to sink in be...

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I laid down on the couch to close my eyes for a couple of minutes after my shift. Seven hours later I woke up to my roommate coming home. So, that happened. I am not drinking coffee at midnight. ...

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My first day back to school was on Tuesday. On the first day, before I entered the classroom, the jitters were too much. Every fiber of my being wanted to stay home in bed. Just like old times. T...

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Tomorrow is the big day. I start my class officially. My nerves are getting to me. I just need to get this first day over with. I visited my mother yesterday. I had a moment where I realized how ...

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I suspect that Toni is on her way out for the day. I feel suddenly impatient. I would love a few hours in complete solitude. While I wait, I might as well write an entry. Yesterday I had the girl...

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I managed to bring myself to look at my comments here on PB. I have over a thousand that I haven’t opened because of how unpalatable my opinions are. It’s not worth it to polarize with anybody ab...

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I went over to Bruce’s yesterday evening where we made vision boards together. Her girlfriend joined us after her class. It was a quaint evening. Mine turned into an art piece and not so much int...

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My depression has come out to play again. This low is because of the highs that come with my anxiety. My anxiety is high because I am nervous about starting class on Tuesday. I will be fine, ever...

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There is a contagious psychospiritual disease of the soul, a parasite of the mind, that is currently being acted out en masse on the world stage via a collective psychosis of titanic proportions....

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I woke up frustrated this morning. I was thinking about the long dragged-out debate that I had with Kyle yesterday. He came over for lunch and we bought some wine and we managed to get into it wi...

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I had the worst stomach pains of my fragile little life last night. I woke up to a panic attack but I also feel that I pissed my body off. My stomach is still recovering from whatever it is doing...

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My depression has come out to play. Usually, I don’t feel heart-crushing sadness. Just lethargy. I’m just void of all motivation and willpower whenever my depression episodes happen. Today, my he...

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I finally made my way down to the Adult Education Centre. I almost stopped myself twice but I managed to force myself to circle back. It’s a new building. The environment looks and feels great. C...

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I called the Adult Education Centre today. At least, I thought that I did. It was the school division’s office but they gave me the correct numbers to call. Those places are not open until Monday...

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In one hundred years we will all be dead and nobody is going to remember us. So, fuck it. I heard that line somewhere and it lives rent-free in my head. What it seems to be inspiring is me having...

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I kept myself pretty busy last week. I reconnected with Kyle. I was happy to see that he is living alone and single. He’s always been one of those people who can’t be single for more than five mi...

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Since I got back to the city I have been reconnecting with some friends. Balance, boundaries and discipline are the three words I have been using as a mantra. I keep seeing 666 everywhere. My fri...

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My camping trip with the girls last weekend was pretty good. I had some slight issues with vertigo at first which is actually pretty funny. It’s like this, I live in the prairies. I don’t travel ...

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Since my last entry, I have been experiencing higher anxiety levels. I consciously decided to draft up that letter I wrote about my roommate and read it to her. I can’t carry this in any longer. ...

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It’s not that I don’t lack empathy. I used to have the disease to please but after I did my own inner work I can see now that people really do just suck at life and health. They have weak charact...

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I went to bed in a bad mood. I had a headache and I am waking up with the same headache. I got about nine hours of sleep at least. The headache is due to me hitting my head at work again. I recei...

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I received a written verbal warning at work today. I hit my head too many times within a short span of time. We were recently told to report every little incident, which I wouldn’t have if I knew...

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